The dreaded Holiday season is almost here.......just another responsibility for caregivers

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I used to love the Holidays. Now Im reduced to wondering if my mother or any of her other daughters are going to take ANY initiative to figure out where Mom spends the holiday or am I going to be the one making the decision AGAIN. Christmas, me and my Hubby go home to see OUR kids. NO mom can NOT go with us. She cannot afford the trip and to pay for hotel rooms and and to be in a car for a week ( LOTS of miles on this trip ) and Im am just NOT lugging her around with us the whole time. That's one of the lines I have drawn in the sand. Hopefully next year she will be there. in her own place again so she can become part of the visit , but until then she needs to go with another sibling. Only 1 sister has offered ( as usual ) and If my mother and her other daughters don't make plans shes going to that sisters in Tennessee whether she wants to or not. I know my mother dosent really want to go back to visit this sister, thats where she went last Christmas and it didn't end well....but that's too bad , that's whats going to happen If I am the 1 left to make her plans. It infuriates me the my mother cant or just wont take the initiative to do SOMETHING for herself ( at least HELP make a plan for HER life). And her other daughters don't care as long as they don't have to do anything themselves. So I already Know what I have to look forward to. Just 1 more thing to worry about....

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Jessie Belle, his mooching is nothing new and my husband requires a certain amount of caregiving from him in exchange for his living there for free. It's been all my husband can do to keep him from constantly stealing her cash and using her car for himself. He has to make sure that she takes her meds (took months to get him regular on that even though HE takes meds every day) and make sure she eats (the groceries and cooked food that we provide), and just to clean up after himself and his cat. My husband goes by twice a week (two other sibs live closer or as close, but rarely see her), and all sibs look to him to take care of everything, including keeping live-in sibling from continuing to blatantly use her. I don't know your situation but I pretty well doubt you could possibly be mooching the way this man shamelessly has for years. We stepped in because she almost lost everything, partly because she couldn't tell her big baby "no" on anything, including the over $25,000 she put out buying him a foreign internet wife half his age. (She lasted 9 months before she left, thank heavens.) It's a frustrating situation, but she's so emotionally dependent on him that we can't make any changes until such time as she doesn't know who he is anymore, and I'm pretty sure she'll forget who everyone else is before him.

Bless you for being there to REALLY take care of your mother.
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FF, I hope you are okay. Is it you with the kidney stones. YOUCH, oh ouch!

findingpeace, I hope know one sees me as the mooching 63-year old daughter who lives with my mother. Probably many people do. If your mother is 86 I'm glad she has someone living with her. Does he do any caregiving?

For myself, we didn't do Thanksgiving with my brother as planned. Mom was not doing so well, so I told her that we weren't going to go. It would have been too hard with the way things were. I feel very good about saying no. I just wish I had said it right off the bat and saved a lot of work and worry. I thought I would feel guilty after the fact that we didn't try, but I don't. I know it was the right decision. It would have been miserable.
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I used to love the holidays too. But now I am counting the days to be done.
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Good for you assandache7! My 86-year old MIL w/Alzheimer's is a package deal for the holidays with her 56-year old mooching live-in son, so no one ever wants to invite her. SIL, whose house he invited himself and his mother to last Thanksgiving, didn't want them so headed them off by calling another brother, who then called us to try and hand off. My husband was working and is 365-day a year POA and caregiver already. (Thanks for the consideration.) So brother relented, even though his wife, so loving, asked, "Can't we just bring them a plate??" I was soooo tempted to post to FB, "So sweet to see how my husband's siblings fight over their mother for Thanksgiving…" haha
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Company just left!!

Actually we had a good time..
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Update on my post where I said I would let the caregiver have the evening off on Thanksgiving and I will take care of Dad at my house, and have the grocery store cook the meal. Ah best-laid plans of mice and men oft go astray.

Kidney stones [no not a side dish] threw a wrench into my plans, so I still had time to give notice to the Agency to have caregivers available for Dad. Dad had his regular weekday caregiver and she was happy to be getting time & a half, so she took Dad to Cracker Barrel for Thanksgiving.... Dad liked the food but he commented the place was way too noisy.

Today the Agency called asking about Christmas and New Years, and I said go ahead and schedule caregivers for those days. Heck at my age, anything can happen :P
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The holidays! I have had my share of great ones and bad ones.
However, I am through with the family drama which has only gotten worse over the years.
I no longer expect anything from my siblings. Siblings are just too full of their self importance.
Of course due to these brats, I have had to hear about it from my mom. Not anymore! I am officially through with the drama! From this moment on my parents are not allowed to talk about my siblings in my presence! If they do--we leave!
I have learned that life is too short to have to deal with people I just don't care for. Quality is all I am interested in. Done with the forced family stuff for the sake of tradition. No more stress over stuffing, cranberry sauce, pacing conversations for fear there will be some political blow up. Forget it all!
Christmas. A most beloved holiday for billions around the globe, and who screws it up? Family drama. This crap has to end! Well, it won't end so you have to end it yourself!
First off, I celebrate Christmas all month long. There is so much to do! So many parties, light shows, helping the homeless, visiting veterans in the hospital, volunteer, donate, adopt a family, buying gifts for children that do not have much, getting involved by helping others, play Santa, bringing treats to the animals at shelters, adopt a pet, give blood, meet with people in assisted living facilities and talk with them as they are lonely--the list is really endless. Not enough here? Just google it! By the time the 24th and 25th come around I'm beat. I usually give these days a break and start putting away decorations.
I will be taking my folks out and having some special dinners throughout the month, check out beautiful lights etc.
I refuse to give up the glory of December because of stupid family crap. So I am flushing it down and going about my business helping others.
Someday my parents will pass away and I will have great memories of years past. I am lucky I had those. Very lucky.
The traditions I am making now are far better.
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Assandache, I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put a little in the food....
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Hey Windy "can't make any promises"...
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Yikes, assandache! That was a major double shock. Sending sedative vibes your way.

Blackhole, my parents didn't take down their Christmas decorations for years. My mother would put the decorated tree and all the other things in the back bedroom so they would be ready for next year. When I came here to stay for a month we had to clear a path in the bedroom to the bed. And I had a Christmas tree there to enjoy all month. SMH. And she didn't have dementia then. She just didn't want to bother with taking down the tree.
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