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My parents [90+] still live under their own roof, and I under my own. I am still Gopher and Driving Miss Daisy and it seems like I am always doing something to help them when I am not at work.

But I have noticed that when it comes to scheduling my own doctor appointments or having things done around the house, either by myself or calling in a professional, that I drag my feet big time. Years have gone by for some major items such as getting plumbing repaired, getting estimates for remodeling, or calling to get dead trees taken down.

Could be I am afraid if I schedule something like the plumbing that it will consume my time as I will need to be home and what if my parents needs medical attention. I know the old "what if" that may never happen. I never use to be like this :P

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ff, just tell yourself how much better you'll feel after you get them done. I'm always surprised at how fast it goes after I sit down and do them (my mother's, then mine). Both are a bit of a pain, so I only do one at a time to avoid mistakes. I love that I can do them online. I use TurboTax, so they do both the federal and the state at the same time. That is so great, because the AL state taxes are a real chore to do. I feel like I've reentered the days of long ago when I do our state taxes. (Something I loved about TX -- no state income tax. WooHoo!)
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Today I had set aside to do my income taxes.... did I get them done?... No... half way done?....No... even started them?.... NO.... took the software out of the box?....No.

But I did get a bunch of other things done that I had been putting off. Wanting to do income taxes does that to me :)
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Oh gosh, this time I REALLY do need to call the pest control people to see what has taken up residence in my attic and/or between the walls. I keep dragging my feet on this. Right now I can hear something moving about trying to find a comfortable spot to rest as it is night time. Sounds too large to be mice, my cats have that pretty much under control. Thank goodness this area isn't a bedroom, I couldn't imagine trying to sleep when that thing becomes restless.

If I can get someone out tomorrow afternoon, Dad will need to wait until another date and time for me to run errands for him.
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I still haven't done last year's spring cleaning. I am the queen of procrastination.
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Spring cleaning? What's that? Oh well, I think if the inside of my house looks a tad bit better than the inside of my parents house, I am doing ok :P
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Okay just put my own check up off again for another week. That's it! I am going next week no matter what! Dee, I also have put off organizing my own bedroom and the Spring cleaning I planned on. When I have a moment to sit down, I just don't feel like doing it!!
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Oh the car, I totally forgot about my parent's State car inspection for March. Wish my parents would get rid of that cruise boat on wheels.
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Suddenly remembered about an hour ago to get my oil change done. Will take my car in tomorrow before work. Whew....
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My struggle has always been that "procrastination" is my middle name!! I put off a lot of things that I probably should be doing for myself, and the planning thing, that whole idea has changed in my mind. I had one person say to me "Don't you plan your vacations?"... I didn't know what to say, I felt like somehow I was less of a woman because I wasn't in control of my life...whatever that means.
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Putting off my own doctor, dentist, optometrist, hairdresser/brow wax, exercising, cleaning my room at mom's, my healthy eating...yikes.
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So, today was the day I planned to work on my income taxes to hopefully finish them. ha!! I have done just about everything but that!
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Hi FF, I don't think I procrastinate on getting my own things done too badly. The thing is, they completely slip my mind! Just today, I looked at the odometer on my car and realized it's 500 miles past time for an oil change, and I'm usually really good with getting that sort of stuff done on time. It also took me much longer than usual to get my/husband's taxes done this year, but I got my mother's done over a month ago. Oh, AND, I remember to order her prescriptions on time without a problem, but what about my ONE little insignificant one? Ooops. Got it refilled 2 days late (no biggie, but still, I never used to do this).
I know I posted on this before, but I'm so lackadaisical (sp??) lately about my appearance.
Hair? Ponytail, or I wear it down but looks like I didn't brush it, even if I did, lol. ForGET about even trying to style it.
Clothes? I take Business Casual to new lengths. It's terrible. Just a few days ago, I read a quote from some fashion person who said that it's not about being a clothes horse, but putting some thought into dressing is a sign of a healthy attitude and self-esteem. I agreed with her. I'm feeling like "what's the point?" and that's not a good attitude.
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cont'd.
be filling out that form truthfully. I have enough to do dealing with my MIL's alz/dem.
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I have to go to doctors to get my med (heart condition) but the last time I had to fill out a new form they give out to everyone on how you are feeling that day. I honestly couldn't fill it out. The assistant kept insisting and started doing it and asking me the questions until it came out that I seemed depressed and the doctor came in and started the questioning all over again. If they just left me alone and not badgered so much I would have been ok and now labeled as depressed. Believe me the next time I go in I won't
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TryingToCope10, yep same here, I also went with the shorter hairdo... and even with that, I try to stretch out my days before washing my hair again, just to tiring :(

Sally, income taxes !! Oh my gosh, wonder when I will around to installing this years software. That's one major chore I put off big time.
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Thanks for that definition Freqflyer. Definitely the "unrelieved" caring really hits home!
Today I had to laugh because I have just been zooming around as usual, from one thing to the next. Making lunch, starting dinner and doing my taxes all at about the same time!! Oh yes, and picking up used Kleenex from everywhere!! I have never seen so much!! And it is everywhere!! I try to do a thorough search of my mom's clothes before washing, but it still manages to get all over everything. Yes, Kleenex is my whine for today!!
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Same here. I have neglected my own medical care for a long time. I have a chronic pain condition and should be on meds but I took myself off of them because remaining on required monthly trips to the dr since he would not write refills but was making me pick up a new script each month. Between doing drs. apnts for mom and drs apnts for hubby - I have no strength or desire left to do any appointments for myself. I have no energy left for anything for myself. I even had all of my long hair cut off simply so I could get in and out of the shower quicker and because I have no time to fuss with myself any more. Life is all about mom and her needs and my needs are ignored.
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I am not even the primary caregiver and have put off doctor appointments because I am not sure I want to bring my 2-1/2 year old to the appointment with me all the time if I am alone with her, and it seems we never find time to get things done. I had to chuckle when a home health nurse said my husband was so "organized" and our house looks like chaos, but he does keep his dads medications organized with a spreadsheet, as well as his diabetes and weight readings for them.
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Jessie, I've painted and put up some decorations in Mom's house but my room is the pits. I still (barely) have my own home but I haven't spent a night there in 6 years. My son lives there and takes care of it for me. I miss my little house, but not the neighborhood...Mom's is in a much nicer area and has a huge yard that I have done extensive gardening in. But I have plastic stackable drawers for my clothes...not a very homey feeling.
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dee, I so get the living out of plastic drawers and rack. I feel like I've been a guest in a run-down hotel for over five years. I don't have enough room for anything. People ask me why I don't get a TV and I ask where would I put it. I have a few drawers, a wooden wardrobe, and three bookcases to hold my life and business. I feel like I'm living out of a suitcase.
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Sally, I found this on Wikipedia

"Caregiver syndrome or caregiver stress is a condition of exhaustion, anger, rage, or guilt that results from unrelieved caring for a chronically ill dependent."
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Oh yes. I believe there is!
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No Dee, you are absolutely not the only one!! I am so glad that I found this site too! I guess we give our all to our loved ones and when it comes time to take care of ourselves, we are just too tired! I am going to try to make a big effort towards taking better care of myself. I literally have to force myself to go to the doctor for myself. Is there something called "Caregiver Syndrome?" Maybe some of us have that!!
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Sally and Jessie, exactly! I haven't been to doctor or dentist in years yet i take mom to all her appointments. I have been staying with my mom for 6 1/2 years at her home, taking care of her 24/7 except when I'm at my full time job, and my clothes are in plastic drawers and on a rack. When I do something for me I feel a bit guilty. And I cancelled my eye appointment and need to go to doctor. Sometimes I just sit there thinking about everything I need to do, and do nothing, which leads to more stress. Sibs will not give me a break. I'm so thankful I stumbled on this site a few months ago. Now I see I'm not the only one.
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I understand how you feel, as I feel the same way. I think caregiving has similar symptoms of PTSD, feeling like anything unexpected could happen at any minute. I cannot even read in bed at night with total peace, as it is always in the back of my mind that there may be an unexpected trip to the ER, etc. Regarding your situation, maybe you could schedule one appointment a month for yourself (in order of importance), that way it won't seem overwhelming. Sometimes if I have to call a plumber, etc. I try to get the first appointment of the day, as that way there is less waiting, then for example later in the day when they usually give you a two hour time-frame.
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Freqflyer, It's funny...I was just thinking of posting a question like this, but you have beat me to it! I know exactly what you are talking about! I do the same thing regarding taking care of my business. I used to be very organized and very on-time with my doctor's appointments. Now, I make the appointments, but I find that I will change them and push them forward and finally after months of doing this, I will force myself to go. It could be because I feel like I am always in a doctors office for my mom, so therefore I am sick of them. Or it could be because I am terrified that they will find something wrong. A rather new phobia of mine!
I also have a list a mile long of things I need to do just for ME. I just don't seem to ever get them done. It's very frustrating.
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JessieBelle: You hit the nail on the head. But I don't think it's us getting older, I think it's just the situation we're in. Sorry you're sick. Get better soon.
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Yes, I definitely drag my feet getting things done. It may be that I'm just getting older. It may be that I don't feel very inspired. It may be that I live life for two people, so don't do a very good job of living for either one. There is so much I need to do every day that I feel like it would be easier to pull the covers up over my head. I just don't have the energy I used to have. That is probably normal, since I'll be 63 next week and the things I need to do are all so mundane. I mean, like who can get excited about cooking, cleaning, and going to another doctor's appointment? Right now I am on Day 3 of a cold, so I am doing even less than normal. I feel awful. I have been staying isolated to keep from spreading my contagion throughout the world.

My lack of inspiration is not my mother's fault except that maybe her laziness is starting to rub off on me. I spent a lot of time the first years trying to put the house in order. It goes to chaos again in no time, so there doesn't seem to be much point in investing effort. Besides, it is hard to clean around someone who is sleeping and watching TV in the main part of the house all day long. Wouldn't it be nice if they went out to play sometime?
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Nojoy3, bingo... you could be right about doctors and related medical issues. Add up the number of doctors I would normally see myself with that of both my parents and the number could be as high as 25 in one year. That's a lot of waiting rooms! And of course the front desk needs all new information sheets filled out, that 4 to 7 pages depending on the doctor x two patients. I finally learned to write "same as last time".
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Maybe you are afraid to schedule, but maybe not. It's stressful having a stranger in one's home doing repair work or remodeling. The last thing we caregivers need is something that causes more stress in our lives!
I used to enjoy doing little projects around the house, but I don't anymore. Part of the fun of doing the projects in the past was doing the shopping for the project. It was fun going to the different hardware stores looking for a new faucet, or looking for bricks to build a flower bed etc. Now, my time is pressed. There is no time to wander around looking at items or getting new ideas. Mom is no longer physically able to wander around a store so she has to be left at home. I'm lucky if I get 4 hours a month to do grocery shopping. I think in the future after Mom is gone I'll get back to the way it was, but for now it is what it is.
As far as scheduling doctors appointments for yourself maybe you're like me, just plain tired of doctors. I take Mom to all her doctor appointments, but in all honesty I can't see that they've done much to improve her condition. I know they try, but the reality is there isn't much they can do. I often think that some of that fatalism has rubbed off on me regarding my own healthcare. And then again there's that added stress of what if I go and they find something wrong. Definitely not ready to deal with that.
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