Thank you everyone for listening and your helpful advice. The behaviour of my father and family and their incessant abuses are positively abhorrent. I'm off to pastures new, near Margate, UK. Tally-ho, Lisa
I so hope Lisa this all goes smoothly. I too hope this settles everything down and you and brother can have a better relationship. The care of a parent/s is so hard when all of the children are not on the same page. And when a parent is stubborn.
Please for your sake, get away, do not live too close by. Try to forgive and forget. Let go of any anger. Allow brother to handle it all. You have done what you could. So wish u goid luck and do keep us updated. I pray that 2023 is a very good year for you.
LT, when my mom first went to AL, it was actually MORE work the first few weeks until we realized our error and moved mom to an Independent Living facility.
One in IL, mom started in calling with "problems" every day.
We told her firmly "you have staff now, mom. Call them."
She said she couldn't possibly do that, she didn't want to be a bother.
My SIL told her "Mom, for what you're paying, you'd BETTER bother them!"
" My father is is going into assisted within the next month.... I will be here until my father gets settled and see how it goes."
Didn't your father say no to AL in the past? Has he now actually agreed to it? What happens if Daddy refuses to go when it's moving day. Will your brother force him?
I hope your father doesn't demand your constant attention while "settled."
Update: My father is is going into assisted within the next month. This is definitely needed at this time. It appears my brother is relieved, for a number of reasons.
I will be here until my father gets settled and see how it goes. I believe now things will calm down considerably. Then I will make plans to go where I want and come back to visit my family over holidays and anytime I want to visit
Thank you to everyone who replied to my questions. It really helped. I will post again in six months and let you know where I'm at.
So, Lisa, what is Plan B? Is there a more peaceful place in Kent that you might rent in?
Consider doing a bit more research, perhaps staying in a hotel for a week while you scout out someplace longer term to live.
I was recently on a long European jaunt. When I told people I lived in NYC, they were shocked. According to news reports, those of us who live here must all be cowering in terror. Except, no.
"I was planning on moving to the UK for 6 months (US citizens can stay that long on an automatic tourist visa). I had a place all set to rent "
And now you are right back where you were.
Do you work? What is your job? How much time do you spend at your father's? Does he ask you to come over and be the maid, does your brother, or do you just decide that is your role?
The whole world is now a more violent place PERIOD, thanks to the police being treated like crap and politicians wreaking havoc on OUR rights in favor of THEIR agenda. When you leave for greener pastures and decide not to put fear at the forefront of your decisions, good luck to you.
I told my brother that I "might be away" after the new year. I didn't want to be direct in order to not cause a potential scene but my brother saw right through it. He gave me this condescending laugh and said "We'll provide 24 hour care for Dad." As if I'm hurting him by leaving and that's his way of saying that he's not hurt and in control. I discovered that him, his wife and my nephews all were anticipating that I might very well leave. They don't want me to leave because they want to travel for months at a time. So right after I told my brother I guess they had a family meeting and everyone was then treating me so nice but occasionally the insincerity slipped out intentionally to let me know what they think of me.
Then about a week later my father had to be hospitalized for a few days. His condition has worsened and my brother is making plans for assisted living. I have no input into the selection of a place, even though it's my father's insurance that's paying. I can do the laundry. vacuum the house, but no way can I make any decisions for the care of my father. If I speak up I'm bullied and told that my father gave my brother the power of attorney and my brother is in total control.
I was planning on moving to the UK for 6 months (US citizens can stay that long on an automatic tourist visa). I had a place all set to rent (rents about the same as the US) then I discovered that the violent crime, random violent crime, there seems far worse then the US. I was reading the local newspapers and there are so many terrible stories like every day, in small towns, too. The polite, safe England of the past seems not to exist today! So I have put this off for the time being and am taking it day by day until my father is situated or I snap and find my self on a plane to anywhere!
Please for your sake, get away, do not live too close by. Try to forgive and forget. Let go of any anger. Allow brother to handle it all. You have done what you could. So wish u goid luck and do keep us updated. I pray that 2023 is a very good year for you.
One in IL, mom started in calling with "problems" every day.
We told her firmly "you have staff now, mom. Call them."
She said she couldn't possibly do that, she didn't want to be a bother.
My SIL told her "Mom, for what you're paying, you'd BETTER bother them!"
I will be here until my father gets settled and see how it goes."
Didn't your father say no to AL in the past? Has he now actually agreed to it? What happens if Daddy refuses to go when it's moving day. Will your brother force him?
I hope your father doesn't demand your constant attention while "settled."
I will be here until my father gets settled and see how it goes. I believe now things will calm down considerably. Then I will make plans to go where I want and come back to visit my family over holidays and anytime I want to visit
Thank you to everyone who replied to my questions. It really helped. I will post again in six months and let you know where I'm at.
Consider doing a bit more research, perhaps staying in a hotel for a week while you scout out someplace longer term to live.
I was recently on a long European jaunt. When I told people I lived in NYC, they were shocked. According to news reports, those of us who live here must all be cowering in terror. Except, no.
And now you are right back where you were.
Do you work? What is your job? How much time do you spend at your father's? Does he ask you to come over and be the maid, does your brother, or do you just decide that is your role?
I told my brother that I "might be away" after the new year. I didn't want to be direct in order to not cause a potential scene but my brother saw right through it. He gave me this condescending laugh and said "We'll provide 24 hour care for Dad." As if I'm hurting him by leaving and that's his way of saying that he's not hurt and in control. I discovered that him, his wife and my nephews all were anticipating that I might very well leave. They don't want me to leave because they want to travel for months at a time. So right after I told my brother I guess they had a family meeting and everyone was then treating me so nice but occasionally the insincerity slipped out intentionally to let me know what they think of me.
Then about a week later my father had to be hospitalized for a few days. His condition has worsened and my brother is making plans for assisted living. I have no input into the selection of a place, even though it's my father's insurance that's paying. I can do the laundry. vacuum the house, but no way can I make any decisions for the care of my father. If I speak up I'm bullied and told that my father gave my brother the power of attorney and my brother is in total control.
I was planning on moving to the UK for 6 months (US citizens can stay that long on an automatic tourist visa). I had a place all set to rent (rents about the same as the US) then I discovered that the violent crime, random violent crime, there seems far worse then the US. I was reading the local newspapers and there are so many terrible stories like every day, in small towns, too. The polite, safe England of the past seems not to exist today! So I have put this off for the time being and am taking it day by day until my father is situated or I snap and find my self on a plane to anywhere!