Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
3 4 5 6 7
Well well well guess who's going out of town again this weekend? Wanna take a guess...............yep it's my sister's family headed to San Diego. Guess who called me and asked me to come and stay with her while they're gone.........yep my mom. I'd like to know how yo can be a primary and go out of town. I never did when I was there all the time, matter of fact they would still go out of town and l leave me there when I was the "help".

She said the "help" is going to stay the night one night and asked if I could come and stay the other.

Now mind you the last time I was over there and they were out of town my mom told me not to touch anything because she didn't want them to say I stole anything. Why on earth would I go over and stay. Shoule I tell my mom exactly how I feel about this?

Someone said to watch out and see how long before my sister would be calling, well she's not calling my mom is doing the calling. Someone also said to get a nannycam. Well who's to say there isn't one planted somewhere in my moms room already.

I just don't trust those folks and I feel my poor mom is somewhere in the midst of it all and hasn't got a clue about what's going on.

Well I am working all this weekend, and my son got a job and I'll have to take him and pick him up from work so I won't go over to stay, only visit.

I'm through with staying the night, been there, done that when my sister would go in and out of the hospital. Hmmmmm funny how she hasn't been back since the last time I had to stay over. Will wonders never cease.

Ain't life funny, here my mom was just calling me about somthing up in Denmark, if ya don't mind me stealing your slogan SS. By the way I did take your advise SS and get started on my own investigation. I won't go into it now but I am on it.

Give me some support here and tell me what yo think. I need some help on this one because I am somewhat torn. I'd love nothing more than to go spend time with my mom, just so we can laugh. Thing is I haven't been alone with her in a while and I'l love some quality alone time just to see how she is. I'd like to take her to lunch, if she'll go, tell her some funny stories, and just hear her side way laugh.

Can I get a little help here........
(0)
Report

Deefer I wish I lived close to you, I'd give you a break. But when you came back me and your mom may have started our own cosmic clown company!!! :)

"I'm Chucko, I'm Chucko, I'm chucko the Birthday clown.
(0)
Report

Mom keeps telling me that she has to register for grade school. She's 82!!! She also keeps looking for her youngest son who is 12, but the baby of 7 is 42. She goes into the spare room all the time and looks for him under the covers. She's always asking me where so and so went. I say who? and she says they were just sitting next to her. It gets crazier all the time! I agree it's very sad, but I'm the one who listens to this kind of stuff all day, 7 days a week. I've been getting more and more short tempered with her. I know she can't help it, but at this point, neither can I. I need a major break from her soon. My siblings think I should be nice to her all the time. Easy to say when they only spend a couple hours at a time with her. And that's only every 3 or 4 weeks or longer before they show up again.
Do any of you have a short fuze because of the major stress? Two years without a vacation is a very long time!
(0)
Report

Run! Run! It gets worse. Well, sorry. Maybe it won't. But usually it does. Then one day, she won't care or know who's doing what... That's a sad day. And we won't a boat to escape on, either. Bummer.

My dad called my nine year old his "baby," the other day. I thought, no, he's MY baby. But I'm glad dad at least still claims us. Alzheimer's sure is claiming him. Got his mind all a-jumble already. Present and anticipatory grief is a killer. O, well, though. What can one do? It's certain that the disease affects people differently, but there are some similarities. None pleasant. Thank God we have support.
(0)
Report

Oh My God my mom just called me and said someone is stealing her clothes. Asked me if I had taken a black jogging suit top. Mind you every since my moms been sick she will ask us to look in her closet and find something. What she wants is never, NEVER there.

She has been looking for this black jogging suit for 5 months now. Now she thinks she's found the pant, but they aren't really the pants, and now she can't find the top. Said something is not right and that someone is stealing her things.

She gave a friend of mine a blue jogging suit, it was too small for her so she gave it to me. I've worn it to my moms house a few times, and now my mom tells me to bring it back to her. No problem I'll do that.

Paranoid, paranoid, paranoid. I thought she was touched by Dem but now I think it's Alz as well. This is common behavior isn't it. What should I expect next?
(0)
Report

I feel so bad for you. I agree with Bobbie take time to get over this. Let God work with you he has the power to heal your pain. Let your sister take care of it and let yourself be ok with that.
Good Luck
With God all things are possible.
(1)
Report

You should check into this now, just to be sure. But it has been my experience with both Mom and her dad, that as dementia progresses, they think everyone is out to rob them. Your sister may have said something to make your mom think you are stealing from her. Mom has accused me of stealing all of her furniture and replacing it with things she doesn't recognize. I remember her dad accusing her of stealing his wallet and all of his money, every other day. Paranoia is part of advanced dementia and patients start to think everyone is stealing from them. A nurse came to do a home assessment last week. Mom told her she had a problem. She said she thought someone had robbed her.
So definitely check things out, but until you know something for sure, it may just be your mom acting out from some unfounded fear. Hope that's all it is! Take care.
(0)
Report

I didn't mean it as a lecture, but a wake up call, perhaps.

I've just heard too many stories that stink. (Many of them here, from hurting daughters, and sons.) That is the hardest part of caregiving, I think, when our parents lose mental capabilities, and our siblings take advantage of them...and us. Who here can't relate to some of that? Bless you if you don't have to deal with the ugly. And bless you caregiving angels who take care of your loved ones despite the difficulties.
(2)
Report

You are right SS in one aspect but I am not afraid of confrontation with any of them. I just don't want to cause a bunch of turmoil in my mother's house, that would throw her over the edge. She already knows my isster and I don't get along.

Senior Legal Services, thanks I will give them a call on Monday.

Don't apologize for the lecture, I needed it.
(0)
Report

Pamela, first I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It looks like a big mess. Since SecretSister is involved in legal matters, I trust she knows what's she's talking about. I am most interested in your case and what SecretSister says because I was notified 3 days ago that my mom has revoked my POA and is threatening to sue me if I don't return her important papers which she said I stole. Yes the ones that she asked me to keep at my house for safekeeping going on 11 yrs. Guess who witnessed the revocation, "Daisy" the caregiver. I've retained an attorney who says something smells. I want to know my legal responsibilities because after this stunt I want to "divorce" my mom, let Daisy have it all if that's what mom wants. I just don't want to get into any kind of legal liabilities, strictly selfish on my part.
You love your mom, want what's best. But I agree with SecretSister, you need to protect her and yourself. Did I ever imagine my mom, hateful as she is, would sue me? No. Do I love her like you love yours? No way in hell.
(0)
Report

Forgive me, but I'm having a hard time letting this go... It might not be Denmark, but something's rotten there. Perhaps a rat, or dead fish? Hmmmmmm. If you don't look out for your mom, (following those instincts...), who will? Do you want to see her taken advantage of? You are considered a legal "interested" party to your mom's "estate." How do I know? Because we're dealing with Probate, and even the court (legal system) says so. You do have the legal/moral obligation to look out for your mom's best interests, and your sister has a legal/moral obligation to be transparent with you! Call Senior Legal Services on her behalf for free to see what I mean... Tell your sister you expect accountability, or else...and demand she do it! (Legally, if necessary!) That is for your mom's protection, as well as your own. If she balks, there is a problem! If she slips and slides, you'll know something's up. (I think you know already...but that's my guess.) Don't be afraid of your sister's intimidation tactics. Be more concerned with your mother's protection. Again, just my opinion. Sorry for the lecture. Do what you think is best. Give your mom a hug for me.
(0)
Report

Pamela, I would worry. I would investigate. I would leave a tape recorder running inconspicuously after you leave... I would call the authorities and have your sister investigated. I would trust the gut instinct that says, "something's wrong." They KNOW you don't like confrontation, and what they can get away with. You are too sweet to let them. You have a soft spot for your mom, and they did you wrong. You KNOW that! Please think about your mom's best interests...and how they may not be served well through deception, games, etc. ~just saying...and praying. Take care, sweetheart! And don't jump ship on your mom. She NEEDS you!
(0)
Report

SS no I'm not surprised, not one bit.

While talking to my mom, I was asking how she was feeling after her speech therapy appointment. She said she wasn't doing to well because someone was trying to open an account in her name. This kind of blew me away so I asked her why she'd said that. Now mom doesn't explain things fully, can't be helped because of the slight dementia that's settling in. She said someone was at the house from the Fraud Dept.

I really don't know what's going on, and I'm sure my mom doesn't however I did make sure to explain that this was the reason I had everything at MY house because as long as her paperwork was with me, there were no problems. Now that they are there, (well I really doubt they are with her but they're there in that house) anything could happen.

This is exactly why I wanted to hang onto her important papers. Now who knows what is going on. I tried to tell her, I tried to tell her, but no she let my sister convince her that everything should be there at the house. Yeah there for them to do what they want to do.

I am very glad that I am NOT involved anymore and can go over as a care giver, or a daughter, or a visitor. But it bothers me to think that my mom is laying up, sick, and now has to worry like that. That will put more on her mind and heart, and when you get old and you're sick, immobile, dependant on someone else to do for you, take care of you totally you just don't need xtra worries.

Here my mom keeps saying that she's gonna get better, and things like when I get well, and my sister puts xtra stress on her like that.

Personally I don't think anyone is doing anything, I could be wrong, but I think it's a ploy on my sister's part to try to take total control of my mom. To make her think she cannot do without her. Then on the other hand I am so leary of my sister's intentions that I wouldn't put anything past her and her family.

I just feel so bad for my mom who now in addition to all the worry she has about her own condition, she has this on her mind. Can you imagine all the things that are going on in her head, who can she trust, what will she do, how will she survive? These things all combined are enough for a person to feel like giving up and Lord knows I don't want her to feel that way.

I want peace for my mom. Worry should not even be an issue and she should be as rested as possible.

When I was there, I've been over a lot the last few days, she told me that she misses me making her laugh the most. I was so surprised I made her repeat it just so I could be sure that's what she said. I know we have that kind of relationship and we always laughed, ALWAYS. Hell I told her I missed laughing with her too.

I don't know what's going on but I do plan to stay out of it and let that household figure it out.

I will tell you that if my sister thinks she's gonna have a grand-d-oso life messing with my moms mind like this, she's got a world of despair that will come down on her.
(0)
Report

Almost too scared to ask... Take care of you, though. So sorry. You're not surprised, though, are you, Pamela?
(0)
Report

There's some shakky sh** going on at my moms house and I'm going to tell you about it later on.
(0)
Report

Yes but they can't see or even prep anything anymore little creative things don't work. In my case my mom uses her failed eyesight for everything practically now.
(0)
Report

Receding hairline, naheaton?
(0)
Report

you know, I never thought about that naheaton. You have to be right!
(0)
Report

You're funny, naheaton!

Has anyone tried sprouting a bean, or seed, etc. in a plastic baggie taped to a window? Put it in a wet paper towel, seal, tape it up, wait, and watch it grow. I think it's really cool! :)

Another thing I've seen is a cup holding a nylon rolled up (to look like a potato, with grass seeds in the nylon. When it grows, the "potato" looks like it has hair. It's kind of like a Mr. Potato Head. Quirky. (When Caregivers get bored...) LOL
(0)
Report

Maybe the reason someone invented the 'chia pet' was because their mother had dementia and that was her idea of gardening. Otherwise, I can't think of a single reason anyone would want to grow green sprouts on a clay bald head!
(0)
Report

This was a project I had once when our sewing machine worked. I made "cool ties" both our ourselves and over 100 for the troops.

This project involved ripping a strip of fabric (camo or patriotic only), sewing it along edges, making pointed ends, dropping in a teaspoon or so of these magic plastic crystals, and sealing it off. I had my mom turn the tubes inside out, which was a nightmare to do until I discovered using a wooden long spoon with rubber band over end of handle made it easy to pull the fabric through. Look up Cool Ties on the net to find instructions and sources for the polymer crystals (med size works best).

To "spin" the project further into "meaningfulness," I photographed her working on the neckties, and because I was graphic editor of a magazine, put her in the magazine as a "staff news" feature. So she got ack in a slick four-color magazine.

I should have put a little card with each one containing Mom's photo, her story and our address so the troops could write us. These ties can also be made for seniors in hot DRY areas. The crystals are such that they absorb hundreds of times their weight in water, and evaporate slowly to give a real cooling effect, esp when worn around the neck. For troop addresses visit http://www.anysoldier.com or connect with any organization stateside that provides gift packages for troops. Each one weighs only an ounce, so cheap to mail.

We still use ours in the summer.

Another contribution project is for Pamela to volunteer to be nursemaid to baby kittens until they are old enough to be adopted. This is a project where you wouldn't get too stuck on any one kitty, but the project itself is the love. She could bring the current kitty over to her Mom's house, and Mom could help feed it. Celebrate when it gets adopted, take photos of all the kitties you've saved. The benefits of this (as opposed to just getting a pet) is that you can jump off the kat bandwagon quickly and not be burdened with a 15 year relationship to your own pet. And no vet bills.

(The gal a few doors down fosters service dogs for a year each, and overlaps grown dog with new puppy. Very proud of the dozen or so she's let go of to be seeing eye and other service animals.)
(1)
Report

Very cool video! And that memory will last a long time. What a tribute to your mom and your caregiving!
(0)
Report

I've done indoor gardening with Mom occasionally. Get tray of little pots and grow things from seeds. Sprout seeds on wet paper towel so she can see them, then transplant. Then transplant into larger small pots, then eventually outdoors. Do a LOT of them to give away to community garden, or your own. She might have some ownership of the plants and accomplishment that way. I can send you sunflower seeds (from my huge 15" wide mammoth), then you say it was grown by your friend in CA. I always think how I can spin an activity to something larger.

Sometimes it's making videos...and cheesh, I wish I had enough mental focus and time to get back to editing. It takes a long runway of attention, programs, various media to collect to do the videos I have done in the past. Now I can hardly risk covering my ears with headphones, mom needs such careful attention.

I should make a DVD of it to play on the large TV, that way that afternoon from over a year ago lasts "forever." But heck, where is it? On the Mac in the office, and I can't work there any more. Humpf.
(0)
Report

That was how my husband did the gardening the last few years and enjoyed it very much.
(0)
Report

When my dad wasn't capable of gardening anymore. I fixed him up some large containers of vegtables and flowers so he could grow things himself from the wheelchair. He could water,pull weeds and gather produce when he took the notion.
(0)
Report

naheaton-I tried the gardening thing with my grandmother, but it kind of backfired. The garden was her pride and joy, and everytime she sees it now she gets very upset over it, and watching me work in it just makes her more upset because she thinks she should have done the work already (dontcha just love dementia?) I hope it doesn't work that way for anyone else, and it's still worth a try
(0)
Report

I like the way you think, naheaton!
(1)
Report

Pamela, can you say to the 'help' when you visit your mom 'this is your lucky day, take a few hours off while I sit with mom'. Will she leave you alone then? Also, I agree it's a good idea to do the gardening yourself, but making sure mom is watching and having some input. It just might get her excited seeing you dig in the dirt. Personally I don't get the digging in the dirt and anyplace that might have a spider, but oh well.... :)
(0)
Report

I think if you leave God out of it..you'll be fine. Prayers are only wasting the precious time you lost already and are trying to regain.
best
(0)
Report

Pamela, I like your new Avatar, but appreciate your ability to think outside the box. I'm sure you can find something that will help you two connect. What is her passion? If she's wheelchair bound, why not bring flowers inside?
(0)
Report

3 4 5 6 7
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.

Start a Discussion

Subscribe to
Our Newsletter