I can't handle my mom living with me anymore.

Heavyload-you go on that vacation-or I will hunt you down. My husband let the aide go home early due to a snowstorm so I let him fix his own supper and I got a glass of beer for myself and trying to get caught up on my old and new friends. My cat was so cute last night when I had such horrible pain he put his paw in my hand. Since my back has not healed I am going to be a princes and cut down on all ' my work" My doc just did not get it -taking care of a disabled husband- she said what will he do- I said maybe someone else will have to step up- she probably thinks I am a b----TOO bad.

I love you guys on here! No for the first time in 7 years i relize i am NOT alone! austin good for you and the beer! lol!

Ok, want to hear my night. We are having an ice storm here on the east coast. My little puppy ate a flashlight!!!! Now I have to sleep next to her all night to see if she is OK. If not, she may need an xray and surgery. Mom is going to be on her own tomorrow!!!!! Oh, and the flashlight belongs to someone else!! Now I have to buy them a new one. Going to have a glass of wine and sleep with my puppy. Night

Holy cow loving! hope your pups oka!! He's gonna have to poop it out huh? Man I just got a pup after 8 yrs, and being told I could NOT have one, boy have I missed having such a wonderful, loving, compainion. Mine is from the pound hes a basset terrier mix.
We had a good night, found out mom has an Abdominal aortic aneurysm , we have to go get an MRI of it and her head (where she fell on the ice) Doc said the aneurysm is small and they wont even operate on her till its bigger, if mom is a canidate for surgery. Which I think she will be since she got the oka for hip reconstruction. Was interesting reading about the Abdominal aortic aneurysm but very scary, if it was to rupture she would bleed out, that is very unlikely at the size is it is now. If they hadnt done the Xray they never would have caught the aneurysm, which would not have been a good thing, so the fall was a blessing , go figure...

Was having a good morning until my sister showed up, Dad fell and hit his head he hit it so hard he forgot he didnt like me . But that was sunday and as of yesterday he as back to his normal mean hatefull self, he is going to ra rehap hospital dont know for how long hope its forever i was so happy this morning as if a weight was lifted husband at work kids at school and dad going to senior incarseration yea this man would not use a walker because it might make him look old. hah hows that diaper and bib going to look? my sister has now clue how bad he is she telling use in the er hes ready to go he wants to be with mother. haha dad said to my husband when told he shold see some one becasuse he fell he said all he needed was a piece of ass ( sorry not my words) this doesnt sound like a man ready to meet his maker. Im hoping when he gets there he will go down hill fast I know this soulnds mean and for you new people who dont know my story dont feel sorry for him hes a jerk. they cant wait for him to get back to his house maybe i could be put in the home better than being here treated like shit . amazing how fast my happy mood left mia k im going to take a nap i will write you the funny story about his fall and the even funnier trip to the hospital my sister dropped my dad on his back on the way it must have been like the 3 stooges. still make me laugh

Thanks Sidney,
Isabella is a 8 month old Shih-Poo, and the love of my life. My grown daughter is very jealous!! She threw up some of the flashlight fragments this morning is at the vets. They are waiting for her to pass the rest. Fun day!!! Mom's physical therapist came today and is sending an occupational therapist to help us get her in and out of bed easier. The transferring from chair to shower to bed is the big issue. Hope your mom is OK. They can treat the aneurysm if they know that it exists. So that is a good things. Good luck and keep writing to us!!

Hello Everyone,

I had the day with my husband today, I did not go to dads all day but you know he is very bored all by himself. To know that someone is counting on you to be their only social activity day after day is such a huge burden. He is doing 100% better so I don't feel bad any more about staying home.

I cannot believe your dog ate a flashlight--how was that possible? He's just a little thing is he not? I want to get myself a dog one day when I have no other pressing matters like dad. You know I told dad he should get himself a pet because they are very good buddies. I should buy him one as a birthday gift. That's it--if he is doing good still on him birthday I am going to have my sister go in a a dog for him. I think that will be good for him.

Hope everybody is doing good today. Have a good one and take care.
Alice

Thanks loving

My spinal specialist called today she reviewed my back xrays and found my fractures were worse- I bite my tounge so I did not say no shit- sorry newcomers- I am usually more ladylike so I have to see a surgeon for minor surgery but if he can't keep me in the hospital for 3 days so I can go to rehab it is a no go-I am not going through all that and comming home to taking care of the husband and housework shopping etc with only 10 hours of help a week-I have lived with this pain for 7 weeks so can learn to tolarate forever if I must- a week in rehab sounds real good or I could rob a bank and go to jail-served 3 meals a day and lots of free time-I am so ready.

Austin,
You be a good girl and do what the dr. says. The long term affects of you not taking care of your back is not worth it. Who is going to help with your husband if you have the surgery? They can help out with things later also. You take care of yourself and do what is necessary.I'm praying for you to have the courage and strength to follow thru as you need to. Let us know what is going on.

Thanks for the good wishes on my dog's behalf. She only weighs 18 pounds, but I think she is part garbage disposal!!! She is OK now, but the flashlight is history! Mom's occupational therapist didn't show up today. Not really so surprised. We have doubled her Parkinson meds and she is doing better. Austin, do what the dr says. My dad had fractures due to osteoporosis. Very painful.. He has in a nursing home for a month. Throw a tantrum in the hospital when they try to move you!!!! Don't go until you have been there 3 days and get your dr. to send you to a facility where you can get the help you need. Praying daily for you and everyone who writes in to this site.

Sorry about your back, you really should take care of yourself. If you get the oppur. to go have someone take care of you..do it!
I had surgery an came home 2 days later mom fell on the ice, I know it wasnt her fault but so much for me getting rest and healing! Now I go back to work Monday YIPPIIIEEE!!! I am so glad!
take care

Thank you all for your words of comfort and support-andmost of all friendship Sidney.Lindam and Loving daughter I will listen to you all you all are my lifeline-bless you all

I guess we all haves been so busy getting by day after day. My mom has had physical therapy in the home, an occupational therapist and social worker. The social worker from the hospital suggested that I contact the Office on Aging . They said that she may get free help. In NJ it is called JACC. That sounds good to me. Each state has a program, but sometimes the information is hard to pin down. I have found the the best source of information is the social worker connected to your local hospital. Hope that this helps some of you. Best wishes.
Loving Daughter

Unfortunantly our office for the aging in our county is not at all helpful we can't use the paratranist bus because we live 1 and 1/4 mile from the bus line and we have to be 3/4 mile from it and we can't get assistance with aides because we earn too much money with social security I am thinking of joining our local AARP group and getting involved-imagine little ole me speaking up'

AARP sounds like a good idea. How about a community church? or house of worship? If you have been recently hospitalized or have had physical or occupation therapy in your home, you are eligible for a home health aid for a period of time. I get services for mom when she has had any change in her condition. I make her Dr. apply, and have never been turned down. Hope that helps.

Our county has cut down on home care the last time the husband came home from the hospital we got turned down even without being acessed-they did not even care that I need help at times with ADL's

Have you consulted a lawyer? It does not have to be expensive, but can cut through the red tape. You need an advocate who can help you.

lovingdaughter- thank you but when ever I ask for help I am told to apply for medicaide and then I will get a lot of help but others in our state have found that is not true one of my friends was suppose to get 4-5 hrs each day for her mother and only got about 1 hr. or less a day. but going to a lawyer is a good idea the next time he is in the hosp. My pt therapist told my spinal specialist -do you realize she is caring for a disabled husband and the doc asked her why she was getting involved, unbelieavable one social worker told me to move to another county-not is not an agreeable option

What state do you live in? They sound fishy to me. I think that you really need an advocate. Look for elder care lawyers or one that specializes in disability cases. I have an aid for mom two days a week 2 hours each day for as long as she has an occupation therapist or visiting nurse come to the house. Do you have any Federal programs that you can look into? Look up the office on aging. Yell like the dickens. I have found that the louder I complain, the more services we get. Good Luck.

Austin, I had to laugh thats the same line I used that you did several days ago, "prison" hmm three squares a day, can read, play on the computer watch tv do a little work and lay in bed and read a book or something sounds like a real vacation to me. you crack me up. Love the sense of humor, I try to be lady like to but sometimes I just gotta let it rip and when I get on a roll I even crack myself up. Thanks for being here you guys/gals oops

Oh you guys and your talk of prison.... LOL. Tempting isn't it?

I know when I talked to our doctor about me doing all the care and he knew of our situation, he made some recommendations for a home health aide, referred a couple of women who do this as a business who he had heard good things from, etc. The social worker came in and gave even more options that I didn't have a clue existed.

I was fortunate that things happened so quickly to get my parent's in assisted living, but I would not trade the information I got for the world. These people were incredible, although sometimes hands tied legally, but man could they be "informative" with just being extra nice with them.

Don't give up. Let us know!

Our social worker came last week with a pile of information. Mom has been with us 3 years and it took that long to get some good information. Mitzipinki is right, don't give up.

Hello Everyone,

195Austin sorry for your problems, I really feel for you because I am in Michigan and I sat and cried to my dads PCP and she told me that they don't do anything like that and they have no social workers. At the time my father was in the emergency room not knowing his name, what day it was, and he was seeing things everywhere like out of the cornor of his eyes acting like he was scared of something. He went outside and said the FBI was in his apartnment and they would not leave him alone. Anyway long story about the delusions, but you get the idea of his situation. On top of that he had 5 broken ribs.

OK so no one at the hospital, or with his PCP could tell me anything I was about ready to pull my hair out ( whats little their is still on top of my head because of stress ) but he pulled out of this episode and is good now.

So now we have an understanding, the next episode and dad is going into assisted living. He knows that I can not take care of him alone. I think he is so afraid that me his last child here is going to desert him like the rest of my sisters have. Poor dad but I have a life also so I got dad--actually forced him to go to this beginners (senior) class and today was his first day and he loved it!!!!! He is all excited about learning and if he can learn it that opens up a whole new thing for him to do. He can talk to other people who have interest such as he does.

So even though I had to force him I knew or was crossing my fingers that he would like it and have a new thing to do. IT WORKED YEAH FOR ME--I told him I did not want to have to sell my father on craigs list!! (Just kidding ladies)........

So things have been calm and good--I am able to get my studies done so far so good. I am hoping dad stays healthy until at least my semester is over. I am almost done with my degree and I just want it over with.......

I hope everyone is doing good. It is so good to be able to write here and share with people who really get whats going on with this caretaker role we have taken or been forced into. It just makes me feel better that someone besides me is actually going through this stuff just like me.

So have a good day and week. Take care of yourselves too!!!!!
Alice

Reading this I am not alone . New to this site and have bee caring for my Mom for close to 12 years mostly on my own.. Been through three surgeries, countless visits to the local emergency rooms, and Diabetes . Pay,or have been paying most of here bills to the point I have very little of my own. Have two sibilings my sister helps now when she can, and my brother who is married no kids two horse, and lot of other"critters" Don't want kids" LOL He will come only when my sister, and I harp him to come. His lastest thing is I cannot claim her as a dependant . Forgot to mention I get grouse at for try to have a job, and a Life ( sing in a Chorus, and try to run, along with volleyball). Everytime I try to got out she puts up a fuss or when I have some extra money she takes it for some crazy reson, and eats anything in sitethengrouse about how I don't buy enough food. She will sleep when I am at when I try to sleep she has the Tv blasting all night. Along with her quack doctor who prescribes pills that makes her sick, and we spend time in the emergency room ( his reply is no reply). Try to change things but she gstarts cry, and at times gets marn . Tried everything to little avail . Help folks


going nuts in Solon

First of all, welcome!

You do need to get in touch with your state aging services. Go to your state Web site and find a phone number and be persistent until you find the right place. You should be able to take your mother as a dependent if you are paying the bills. There are rules, of course, but you need to check into that.

You also need outside help. Ask what respite care is available free, when you get someone at your state aging services. Your mother may qualify for Medicaid. Please get some outside help. Let her get mad. This could kill you. You can't keep this up. And keep coming back here.
Carol

Keep coming back to this site it has been a Godsend to us besides good advice you will meet a great group of caregivers.

Put her TV timer on and take the remote away. That will stop her in her tracks, Rozslvk !!! You are in charge

Rozsluk-hope you are having a better day today-there will be bad days and good days and some part good.I wanted to run away twice in the last few days - my husband is bipolar and stopped his psych meds.

We are snowed-in here in NJ. I can't run away