Does anyone ever feel like they fell down Alice's rabbit hole?

no you are Not the crazy one But people who Blow you off can make you feel that way .

Thanks guys, I feel better now, my son and his fiance see it now to, so I don't feel so alone. I was just like how can you not see this!? Am I the crazy one. Things are a lot better now.

Definitely. And I do think it was avoiding work that they would have felt obligated to do if they fully accepted where she's at mentally.

I'm so sorry you don't have the support you need from family. I don't know what I would do without people able to step in and give me a rest, or just listen and sympathize. Look for that help away from family and ignore them. My poor Alzheimer's mom is effectively gaslighting me constantly. Don't let them do it, too. Find ways to give your mind a rest from it. Good luck!

Thanks, beauty and houseflower. You really hit the nail on the nose, no head, lol something like that.

The denial is deliberate. Your family does not have to offer to help or feel guilty not offering help if there is no dementia.

I know what you mean.. sigh. But..

Knowledge is power.

Knowledge can make a big difference to your decision making.

Drive you home from hospital & let you stay a few days? VS Collecting a potentially delerous, delusional, non-complient person you need to watch 24/7.

So funny Beatty, this forum has helped me so much but last week I was almost thinking, wasn't life easier when I didn't know any of the things I know now.

I almost want a go back to not knowing mom is shadowing, I want a believe that she is just annoying. Lol . I wish I didn't know how easy it is for a person with dementia to know how to small talk.

Not always but there are moments, that I think, ignorance was a little better. Now I know all this stuff and no one else cares, and I have no power because I'm not POA, not at all that I want to be.

Ignorance is bliss.

By staying unaware of any unpleasantness, one cannot be troubled by it.

No problem here! Therefore no need to help!

Someone wise noted this about family denial on a thread some time back & I thought.. A'Ha! That makes sense! (I wish I knew who to thank).

I now call this *willful denial*.

People see and believe what they want to. Nothing you say will convince them otherwise. It’s frustrating, especially since you would like for them to see what you see.

What’s interesting too, is that a parent can show one side of their personality to one child and act differently when the other children are around.

I suppose that if you wanted to, you could video specific behaviors and show them what you are seeing when they aren’t around.

I’m sorry for what you are going through. My mom’s family understands she has dementia, but friends and even doctors seem to be in denial. It makes me really angry sometimes, I live with this situation 24/7, and other people can’t handle it for even a few minutes. Sometimes I try to help people understand but mostly I just move on. I don’t have the energy for it.

oh sure I have had this feeling. Only the few family members and friend of my dad who talk to him regularly and/or have experience with aging and dementia really get it. Others just have no clue and are thinking in counterproductive ways. So I have just developed the stance to pretty much ignore the latter people.

You are absolutely right alvadear. It really isn't going to change anything for my mothers care . I was just wondering if others experienced this feeling of being on another planet 😆 with the rest of your family.

My MIL was never 'formally' dxed with dementia--and truly? It wouldn't have made one bit of difference if she had been.

The 'kids' have batted about their viewpoints about what was really 'wrong' with her. One sib was positive she had dementia, another thought she was just not 'trying' and one just thought she was being 'difficult'.

Evidently, dementia and senility are not the same thing.

Mostly she died because she was 93, she was starving herself and that was actually the cause of death. "severe malnutrition". Who knows if that made the 'crazy' worse.

Why are you bothering to educate people who want no education.
Copy down a few good websites. They can access or not.
You can't change other people.

Really sorry to hear that you're going through this... It must be tough feeling like you're not being heard and supported. Maybe denial is a way for them to protect themselves from facing the harsh reality of a loved one's declining health? 

What I could think of right now is to continue expressing your concerns to them in a calm, non-confrontational way. Perhaps let them know how their denial is impacting everyone's ability to provide the best care for your mother. And most importantly, be sure to prioritize your own well-being by taking breaks and seeking professional help when needed!