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I am mostly venting. End of the story: patient has a new primary care doctor appointment scheduled.

Partner and I have same primary care, and I am DPOA for partner, who is not well, has mid to end stage of several illnesses, but according to his specialists, is not at deaths door yet. Yet. I was at my appt and needed a print out of some brand of socks that were suppsed to be ordered for partner ...not a big deal...the response was, I can get those for you, but he isnt going to need them, according to my calculations he should have been dead three weeks ago. "

I asked him to repeat that, and he did, verbatim, I said, really? How ya figure that? (He saw him about a month ago. Partner walked out of office. COPD, emphysema, dementia, diabetes, obesity, )

He just said "hes old,"

I have access to all his medical records and there are no suprises, so I said, well. Lets get him on hospice then.

He said I don't believe in that.

!!!!!!!!!!!


Partner LOVES the doctor. Hates doctors generally, but loves this one.

His main other source of emotional support is his ex wife, who he chats with on the phone maybe once every six weeks. I called her, and told her and asked for her support in encouraging him to widen his circle of doctors..

Went ahead and made an appointment for second opinion....

Also made appointment for me and ex wife to go talk eith current doctor with the patient advocate.

Don't get how all of the other specialists never brought up time to call hospice and in fact flat denied it when I asked, and

Was soooo against hospice??? Partner isnt.
Advance directives are not.

What the heck.

This doctor is historically driven by what he thinks of retiree insurance, not the reality of it.

Uggggh. No. Compasssion. Whatever.

And bedside manner?

And my partner has NO idea. None.

Anybody dealt with a doctor like this?

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Yes! That was all sort of my feelings as well. I mean, we all know that his situation can't be fixed, he isn't hgoing to get better....he doesn't want extrordinary measures, all of that is true, he doesn't want a lot of tests all of which is totally fine. STILL.

Dont talk to family that way, one, and
Two. Hospice is not an extraordinary measure and

Three, annd probably most importantly, his other specialists are nowhere near even ready to stop treatment yet, they think he may have a year or two.....

Aaaah....thanks for your support.
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I like my bad news delivered directly with no sugar - but, seriously? Even bad news can be delivered directly and with compassion! Some doctors should stick to lab and research work, that's for sure.
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Man oh man, this just makes my blood boil! We have to be able to trust our doctors to do right by us, after all we literally place our lives in their hands.
I think this was the secret attitude behind my mom's lack of care when she first became incapacitated, I wonder now how much better her QOL would have been if anyone had bothered to diagnose and treat her back then. At least the fool came right out and told you what was on his mind so you could react accordingly!
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If you are switching doctors, consider a geriatrician for the primary care role.
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I dealt with a doctor once that was very religious, blamed Parkinsons, COPD and everyting as God's testing your will. He also did not believe in hospice or other things but my old man liked him. My mom was a nurse and had absolutely no respect for the doctor and it was hard to get referrals to good doctors because they refused to work with him.

My mom has often said that bedside manner is not a way to judge the quality of a doctor. Just because the doctor is nice does not mean they know what they are doing.

In your case, I would seek a second opinion or make an appointment with his specialist and maybe they can help you set up hospice. Best of luck.
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