I wonder about this given the abusive personalities of so many parents that we read about here. What do you think about what I've learned and gained insights about over the years?
Research has shown that our personality traits manifest themselves more intensely as we age. Whatever we have been hiding behind a mask will become more difficult to hide because we are no longer strong enough to keep it from coming out.
Traumatic experiences can or do have an impact on our personality. This is why it is important to work through things instead of just burying them deep down inside.
It appears that any needed adjustments in our personality needs to be done early for the older we get the less open to change we are.
Sadly, we will not make such adjustments unless we see the need to. Some people chose to resist any input that they need to change anything about themselves for their entire life.
Family of origin issues often make it difficult to see the need for change and thus to respond to event in a healthy was instead of an unhealthy way.
All; to often, others can see the issues that we need to deal with but don't say so unless they feel it is safe to share their insights.
Of those who see the need to change, some don't because the work is too hard or too full of fear to face.
Basically, who we are has to do with the choices we have made in response to life's events. However, these responses do not take place in a vacuum. They are influenced by various social, psychological and other factors that we must become aware of and deal with appropriately,
This is one reason that boundaries are so important.
Otherwise, we are who we are apart from the grace of God changing the quality of character of who we are if we are open.