Do I have to have a "care giver" mindset to be successful?

Carol...you did a super job of approaching and going thru all aspects of what ever when it comes to caring for aging adults. There is usually one person in a family who has the caregiving gift. It will not work out if you do not have that mentality. You may best be to manage your parents needs in or out of their home. The guilt motivated provider will cause problems when the parent requires personal care and does not hire someone. If you do not have a "caregiver mentality" the task will be interferring with your life plans and will become a chore you will never enjoy. "Caregivers" enjoy their job. That is why you hire them.