I guess I have a lot to get off my chest. I got up early for some peace. My question is do any of you ever feel like they do everything humanly possible for their mom and it still is never enough. She did this to me growing up straight A’s were not enough. She was discharged from nursing home Tuesday and we brought her back to Wisconsin with us. Wednesday I was on the phone for 7 hours and she saw that trying to get a nebulizer and an in network provider of course her insurance is in every state but Wisconsin and I did find a couple in network in the provider book but no they weren’t. My husband just ordered it on line. Then I was working on Home health and getting an exception because even at her house the closest is an hour away and I was then on the phone with her doctor 6 times that is a quiet day but nothing it’s just expected of me I have to stop my life with my husband and if my brother ever did come around I doubt it but if he did he could just say hi and he is everything I feel like it’s never enough and it never will be.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
I *don't* do everything humanly possible for my mother. The more I did, the more she expected, and since she is ungrateful and tells me I don't do much at all, I've backed off considerably.

She would love for me to be her puppet to control so that she could lead a semblance of her former life. I'm the Dummy Driver Daughter who was forced to take her car and then she had ideas that she would demand that I drive her here and there. I set boundaries on that from the very beginning, and I think that's why she thinks I don't do much for her.

She is almost 92, blind in one eye, poor hearing, poor balance, neuropathy in her feet, atrial fibrillation, and her reasoning is going. But she's "independent," by golly! Ha! She needs someone to help her get dressed, and definitely somone to monitor her showers (she can't feel her feet to step over the edge of the tub). But she will NOT hire someone to help her with these tasks.

She has also resisted hiring a housecleaner. I don't know how she cleans, since she has such difficulty getting up from the floor and balancing.

The latest is that she screamed at one of my brothers that she did NOT want his wife coming down to visit. And then she ranted about something that happened at his wedding rehearsal dinner 27 years ago. She's losing it, for brothers want her in assisted living, but she's legally competent and so can't be forced to do anything.

(I'm sure they would love it if I'd hop to and help our mother get dressed, monitor her showers, take her out and about as much as possible so she wasn't such a shut-in. But I refuse. Being around my mother makes me very anxious, and I will NOT risk my own mental and physical health by being her slave.) 

Yes. As soon as I address one issue for my mom, oops here comes another one. I've noticed my mom does not seem to register relief from any solution I happen to find for her, so I never feel any momentary satisfaction. That in itself is exhausting. I'm always in a state of endless problem solving. Do the best you can, and take it one day at a time. Just doing what you currently are is enough.

We were just thinking of trying one. However, she likes to always say she just took those pills so you almost have to be there to make her take them. I should have started it sooner! They do sound nice.

BootShopGirl, I just purchased an automatic pill dispenser for my MIL, it will dispense at pre set times, if that would help at all.

Indeed I feel like I am doing everything. Others don't or won't help. My husband is the Agent for Finances and for Healthcare. His mom fights us every step of the way. My husband has me do the work, he has had a stroke and this way I get the brunt of all of MIL's work.
However, my husband had cancer 3 yrs ago, and a stroke one year ago. He can make decisions but most of the time anything dealing with his mom is so overwhelming so he asks me to do it. SIL says she won't help and besides she is moving away.
My husband's doctor told him yesterday that he cannot be an Agent for his mother, he is not healthy enough [think stroke 'dementia']. His mother has dementia too.
AND she told him in no circumstances could I do the work for his Mother, as I had my hands full with him.
And yet, the sister just calls on the phone to tell me what to do.
Yup. Frustrating.
I hope you get home health going.
What insurance is it that didn't cross the border? I guess I'd call a local county social worker or ADRC in your area and ask for some help. They are excellent sources.

Aww Staff,
You are not alone here! My Mom lives in her own home but has dementia. For 6 years I have been on my own running the family store and dispensing pills twice a day. Thank goodness for husband's. Take a deep breath. This is all very new to everyone In your house. It takes a little bit of time for settling in. Just keep reading others posts. Lots of tips and tricks on here. Hang in there! I think on most days I need like 3 of me. Somebody else will have a better answer!

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter