I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
That whole scene can spiral like a tornado.
I'm out.
Sugary Sweet! "There There Dear One, let's get those Jammies ironed, your bags packed, Poochie groomed, refrigerator cleaned out, Anything you want Sweetie"!
Until you see them Swoop Up Yonder into the Blue Skies, I'd be all over them like white on rice! See Ya! Have a Nice Trip! And BREATHE!
That and that alone would be my number one priority.
I would not confront her right now with the "clearly you cannot live alone" thing. In her eyes right now, as I understand it, this is still a visit and she is still under the delusion that she will be coming back. Save that one for your hubby, SIL, and any other interested parties - after you get her on that "vacation".
Get her on that plane! Have a come-back for every single monkey-wrench SIL or MIL throw.
Dog plan collapses? Have DH agree to drive the dog up to her himself! Take a couple of days off from work. (won't kill him) Rent a car, drive dog there, fly home. Constantly assure mother in law that everything will go smooth, don't worry, enjoy your time, we'll all take care of stuff... yadda yadda yadda
Yes - get the leg looked at and lasix adjusted. My mom's legs looked similar at times during the last year and a half or so (the bruising). They got progressively worse, but were generally controlled with lasix adjustments. (until they weren't) She also would balk at taking it all the time! And that was the result. I just cringed inside looking at her legs sometimes... :-( Make it totally clear somehow to the doc that she is preparing for a trip on said date. Heck, I think I might go along with them on that doc visit just to make sure the ball keeps rolling!
In my opinion, might serve best for everyone right now to jump in and not worry as much about the boundaries and just get 'er done! Get her on that plane.
De-stressing, decompensation, your own little family regrouping - that will all come later... It will! Stay Strong, Dorker <3
She did go by the dealership .. nothing found as to anything wrong, .. said maybe the gas cap was put on incorrectly, they jiggled with it, that didn't fix it.. said it sometimes takes a while .. if it doesn't fix itself in the next few days .. come back and they'll check further.
Okay so we know, I'm the one that last put gas in it. The SE light wasn't on when I was last driving it. Am I capable of not screwing on a gas cap correctly. Yep .. I can do it .. for sure .. screw that up.
So whatever. Maybe that's it, maybe not. But so .. maybe it was my fault and I didn't put the gas cap on the way it shoulda been .. but in any event .. we'll see if it fixes.
Then .. she texts me, "when you took Mother to the cardio and got the order for the PT .. where'd you put that paperwork?".
Me: "Ask your mom she told me to put it on the kitchen table with her other papers that's where I put it.
SIL: "oh okay I found like the receipt from there, and the order for what they did .. but I don't see anything there that is a PT order".
ME: "SIL if you found that, it's all stapled together all of it, I even had them show me specifically in all those stapled papers .. which one speaks to the PT order and they showed me, unless she has unstapled it and pulled it all apart and put separate papers in separate spots .. it's all there".
SIL: "Oh okay I'll look again".
LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!
You feel like saying to her, "OBVIOUSLY I AM NO ONE TO BE LEANING ON, I am so incompetent .. maybe you better fire me .. so you can get someone more dependable and able to handle these tasks without all the mess that comes along with it".
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Dorker, SIL needs a good slap across her ear hole! She's so incredibly demanding of Almost Strangers time! Ugg! I have lived in my home for 25 years, and Never asked a favor of anyone except my one next door neighbor, as we do take in one another's mail for vacations and such, that's it! But dog treats, It's like an every week situation! I say Stock Up, but 4 bags a month or something, no wonder her dog is a little fattie!
This is what I refer to .. when I say that SIL will bug the ever loving crap outta ya .. when there is "need" that crops up on the radar. This wasn't pressing need.
But yet .. by GOLLY she's gonna bother everyone in the mother's hemisphere til it gets spoken to, and it's not even a pressing life/death need.
And we wonder where Flighty C is .. that she's underground and not responsive. Go figure.
Those of you remember the other day, I'd spent with MIL .. the last Thursday .. and the cardio appt., etc.
So then the next day I get a text from SIL, .. "oh man .. mom forgot to ask you to stop for the dog treats, she's out .. I'll check with brother and see if he can maybe get them tomorrow .. maybe she can just give him some bread or something til then".
(these are treats folks, .. dogs can live without treats for a little bit)
I responded, .. "sorry to hear that, . no .. a trip back out to Pleasant Lane and dog treats not on my radar, good luck w/that".
Next thing I knew, . I got a text from her, sometime later (not sure why it was then ran past me, doesn't involve me) .. "I texted mom's neighbor (across the street, not Flighty C .. a different neighbor) .. she said she'd do it".
I don't know that I even responded to it.
So then .. forgotten by me, doesn't involve me.
Yesterday I'm to go get SIL from the airport, .. MIL asks, .. "can you stop on the way back when you get her, run by the vet and get the dog treats .. I forgot to ask you about that last week, while we were out"
I responded, "I thought SIL had the neighbor across the street get those for you the other day, are you out again".
MIL: Do you know ... she texted the housekeeper, you know she doesn't live too far from me .. and she's always been helpful .. she texted the housekeeper and she said she'd do it, but then she never came and never came, and I never heard from her, .. until .. she did finally show up here, .. had her g'child with her, ..had a towel wrapped around her, I guess she'd come out of the pool to go do this .. and she and the grand child maybe had been swimming, so she just threw a towel around them .. and they ran and got 1 bag .. I needed 2 bags, .. I wasn't about to have her go back at that point".
Me: "I thought she'd had J signed on to do that, from across the street. How'd the housekeeper get in on all this?".
MIL: "I don't know, you know that daughter of mine .. she will hunt you down to the ends of the earth .. I guess she texted J across the street, but also texted the housekeeper too".
(let me say again this was all over dog treats .. not medicine that is crucial as to life or death, dog treats)
This is SIL at work .. something that should be prioritized to .. "hmm .. okay well .. maybe in the next few days", .. nope .. she has no apprehension whatsoever, in texting not only her brother (which she then told him later, she had it handled, nevermind) but also the housekeeper and also the neighbor across the street.
Something that one would hope MIL able to also prioritize in a "oh gee, bag of treats is running low, let me put that on a Post-it Note for Dorker when she comes". Nope.
So .. yesterday on the way home from the airport .. I mentioned .. when it was apparent I'm not going the way we'd normally go "Oh we have to stop and get dog treats on the way in".
SIL: "OH you know, what a damn mess that all was .. I texted the housekeeper and she never answered me .. never an answer at all, so I texted J across the street and she said she'd do it .. but then .. mother tells me the housekeeper showed up there with the dog treats .. she never even responded, I didn't even know she was going to do it .. I never heard anything at all from her ..
Me: I know that the housekeeper showed up with 1 bag .. and she was sopping wet, towel wrapped around her, her and her g'child .. I guess they'd been in the pool or something and hopped out to go get the dog treats and deliver them, .. but she only got 1 bag .. not 2"
SIL: Well damn .. I mentioned to mom the other day that J was gonna do it and she told me that the housekeeper already did it, .. I didn't know that til she told me, .. I don't know what's wrong with her .. (housekeeper) she's not real sharp, looks like she'd of told me she took care of it
It's like .. almost .. because Flighty C showed herself to be a friendly neighbor and would be kind enough to maybe bring over a plate of leftovers from some get together on her end, and stay and visit momentarily .. it was taken as .. "aha!!!! Another Team MIL candidate".
No, not necessarily.
YEP! Can you just imagine if Flighty C was not flighty at all and was dependable for MIL? Can you just imagine what her life would become? Daily hamster wheel, I mean after all, it wouldn't be a big deal. She's right there! "She could just go ____" and it would be nothing. Flighty C probably knows this.
I said (couldn't help myself) "Oh good, glad no blood clots .. I dunno .. Gatorade/schmaterade .. whatever ... probably still has it in the fridge undrank .. let's don't forget she doesn't take her Lasix .. what was it a few weeks ago .. YD taking her to dental appt, and she had to go in house slippers .. not a shoe anywhere that would fit her feet ... and that was well before Gatorade brought to the issue here .. whatever".
No response.
No .. I don't fault Flighty C in the slightest. I said all along, that Flighty C would be good as a ........ oh I dunno ... she'll pop over every once in a blue moon and be all smiley and laughing and somewhat of a social interaction .. but that's about where it ends .. no more. I'm sure it was in one of those very settings that she probably said casually .. in passing .. not really meaning it .... "okay well you guys, call me if you need me". Not thinking for a minute "oh chit .. they are blowing up my phone here, they meant it".
I don't fault her in the least.
I know of one other time, since SIL left in April that MIL got under the weather gut-wise .. and ... no one available to run fetch things such as jello/saltines .. etc .. and so SIL put in word to Flighty C to see if she could help .. this is before the latest episode.
Answer from Flighty C: "Oh dear .. I'm sorry, .. I'm gonna be in a meeting tonight, won't be home til probably 9:30 or 10 and we're to head out of town early tomorrow morning, can't help sorry".
Since then, .. seems anytime that SIL has reached out to Flighty C .. there's been no response.
I don't blame her. Not a bit.
It's just as YD said of her, more than likely, "I'm sure they didn't buy that house next door to g'ma so they could then pick up the torch of geriatric care".
And I'm not allowed to forget it!
The SE light often means NOTHING. Usually pre-programmed to come on at some certain mileage point. Love of heaven. She doesn't need to even get it done today.
Sheesh, how can this woman be so functional and so pathetic at the same time. It boggles, it really does.
As far as Flighty C--I am going to admit that I am a flighty C myself. Had new neighbor move in, just a kid (24) and her young hubby. She has a myriad of health problems, the biggest being that she's bat-chit crazy. She cannot drive, due to mild epilepsy, can work, but won't. Sleeps all day, everyday. Then comes over and wants to whine on my couch or worse, follow me around on my day. I ORIGINALLY said I'd be happy to help out with dr's appts and stuff--and holy moly--it turned into a PT babysitting gig. She won't take Uber, she doesn't know who's been in the car and everyone KNOWS that Uber driver routinely rape their passengers! (GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR).
I've had to cut my babysitting down to maybe 2 hrs per week, and sometimes I simply don't answer my door. I routinely ignore her texts.
So--don't be hard on flighty C. Were I your MIL's neighbor, I'd be as absent and humanly possible. Sounds like she does boundaries well.
If it's a recent model car that throws a computer code, you can drive into Auto Zone or a similar place and get the code read.
DH has not responded.
It was after that, I was in the grocery store, paying for my things .. when phone blew up with SIL trying to reach me by phone ... not text. I didn't answer, now paying for my groceries .. and by the time I got to the car, .. I texted her, .. "been in the grocery what's up?". She said, "call me plz", .. and texted at the same time, in that same group text .. "service engine light on, in the car". I called her.
So .. DH hasn't weighed in on any of it, unless he's done so outside of that group text .. and I doubt he's done so.
Kind of feel sorry for SIL - but until she melts down not being able to manage it all, she will not press for any kind of change. It sounds a bit like her H is tired of it too - telling her not to get stuck in FL for four months.
stay strong - keep posting - this is the most entertainment ever!
"and we're all the way over near _________________by the time I got all the way over there, if they could even see me .. it'd be too late for the ultrasound that I gotta get".
Me: "Well if you get stranded call me, doesn't MIL have one of those motor club memberships to get her car towed if that happens?".
SIL: "Yes she does".
Me: "Ok .. well if the car seems to be running okay .. I guess .. what do I know about cars ...not much .. just do what you gotta do, .. if you get stranded call me, I'll come get you guys".
SIL: "Yea .. I guess .. just keep an ear out for us .. if we end up stranded in the middle of some intersection somewhere .....".
Me: "okay".
That was that. Haven't heard anymore. When it rains it pours.
Here SIL thought she was coming in town with a "plan" .. Plan to go get to vet this afternoon for poochy injection so he can then go to the groomer tomorrow .. and then on Monday a "plan" to go see PCP about the Gabapentin and the Cipro ..
The "plan" out the window ..
She gets here and finds this grotesquely aborent edema complete with discoloration and .. so that now must be attended to .. and of course, the docs wanting to rule out blood clot .. sending her for ultrasound .. as they should .. and now the service engine light is on .. and her no time at all, to go and deal with that, not in the midst of all this other ...
I do feel bad for her .. but not bad enough I've taken the torch .. "not to worry SIL, let me go get poochy to the vet .. you guys go ahead to the dealership when you finish there .. so you can be assured the car is alright".
I did suggest to her, .. "maybe you put off groomer tomorrow, in lieu of a visit to the dealership .. that CAN of course be done when you get to IL .. it's not a priority .. not if you have a car that you think could leave you stranded".
That was met with, "well let me see, let me see how it goes here with the ultrasound".
Okeedokee.
I do feel for SIL and almost feel a push to step up here. But I haven't.
SIL did put in a call to PCP as to the legs and wahlaa .. they close at noon today so if you can get her in before 11 .. we'll fit her in. Off they went.
There the legs examined by PA of that office and no it's not thought to be blood clot, but not sure ... let's get her a ultrasound just to make sure and let's up that dose of Lasix for the next several days to get that fluid down .. especially since she'll be flying.
So ultrasound appt secured by PCP office, to go there and be seen at 1:30 .. they leave the PCP .. and now going to stop to have lunch then make their way to the Imaging place .. and all the while knowing she also has that important vet appt this afternoon for that shot so the dog can be taken to the groomer tomorrow for that appt.
When ............
Service Engine light comes on in the car. MIL's car. Same car I routinely drive when I run errands for her, just so the car sees some action, otherwise it would sit with a dead battery ..no one driving it.
I routinely drive her car for her weekly and no .. haven't seen any service engine light come on.
I had run out to the post office here a bit ago, as well as to the grocery (DD has had a week here with the start of school .. and it has whipped her butt .. w/getting the older one ready and out the door every morning and the babies .. ) and so she'd put in a call to me, "Could we possibly come over and hang out this afternoon and just have some adult company and help with the babies?". I answered yes, that's fine. It then evolved to, .. "....and what are you doing for dinner, ...???..... could we be included?". Sure DD .. I'll fix ____________, c'mon over".
So I'd run out to the grocery .. and when I was in the check out lane .. is when SIL began blowing up my phone, .. I already knew the piece that the PA doesn't think it a blood clot .. (in fact, the conclusion has been that they think all the Gatorade .. remember she's been suffering from Diarrhea and so Gatorade brought to the issue .. and of course .. I could argue you can go look in her fridge and I doubt there's been all that much Gatorade consumed, .. but whatever) .. it's thought by PA that Gatorade and it's sodium content . maybe increased the edema .. and because of increased edema . bruising. But let's get an ultrasound just to be sure.
So I already knew that piece, when I was in the ckout lane at the grocery and my phone began blowing up .. it wasn't 1:30 .. so I knew they'd not yet been seen, to have some alarming news from an ultrasound, .. but I didn't answer. I was paying for my groceries.
By the time I got to the car, .. I had a text from her (since I hadn't answered my phone) .. "Dorker call me plz?".
I called her, "whats up?".
SIL: "Oh man Dorker .. here we are on our way to go to the ultrasound place, gonna stop and have a bite of lunch when MIL's car .. the service engine light has come on .. the car is running fine .. doesn't seem like it's gonna conk out or anything .. but .. have you seen that light come on when you drive it?".
Me: "No".
SIL: "Oh man .. I don't have time for this chit ... here I am on my way to the imaging place .. and now this .. and of course, we need to grab a bite of lunch before that, . .. I'm almost afraid to turn the car off .. for fear we'll be stranded somewhere ... I don't know .. and I've GOT TO GET THIS ULTRASOUND DONE .. and then get on back to haul Poochy to the vet this afternoon .. I don't know .. I don't want to be stranded somewhere ... ".
Me: "Maybe you could just .. (long shot) ... pull thru a drive thru and get some fast food on your way to the dealership .. and have them just run a fast diagnostic on it .. just to make sure there's no catastrophic problem .. ".
SIL: "Well damn, the dealership is way over _________________ and we're all the way over near __________
That then sparked SIL with a "oh Flighty C is around and accounted for?, . damn .. wonder where she's been, I've texted her a few times and I never get any response", to a shrug of the shoulders from me.
All that to say .. in what world do we delude ourselves to think that Team MIL .. inclusive of neighbors who .. likely ..just being kind but don't really mean it .. say the words "Oh sure, call me anytime" .. that said neighbor then would be absent and unaccounted for an not reachable. In what world do we find this surprising? I don't.
But anyway. So Flighty C does live and breathe .. she just is MIA .. as regards MIL/SIL apparently for whatever her reasons.
So OMGoodness. Well first off, bears mentioning not that anyone will be real surprised by this. Apparently Flighty C .. and her whereabouts these days of paramount to concern with MIL and SIL. Flighty C of the Team MIL persuasion that never was.
That has come up a few times over the last few weeks .. that it's rather peculiar to MIL/SIL .. that Flighty C .. is MIA. They don't "hear/see" her anymore.
It's been mentioned more than once. Of course, I have no input into that, I don't see her .. she's not my neighbor .. and I'm not in the trenches anymore as to directing traffic on this end, to even be in touch with Flighty C.
So .. gets mentioned every once in a while, by MIL/SIL .. "gee I wonder what's become of Flighty C .. don't ever hear/see her anymore". It gets filed away in my brain, as ... Nunya .. it's none of my biz .. thus, I don't really register that issue.
Those of you that remember the whole saga will recall that I said all along, when this supposed Team MIL took shape, and Flighty C to be a part of that. I said of her then, .. and I stand by it. She's flighty. She is friendly as all get out ... very outgoing .. and gregarious .. but she is also in her 30's .. married/no kids .. and she and her husband have a wide social circle they do a lot with and they travel a lot .. so .. my guess would've been then, and still is .. she's not gonna be real put out with anything MIL front. Oh sure .. she comes over, brings a plate of left overs from some cookout they had .. visits, smiles nice and laughs and jokes and then she's off again. But even the latter, hasn't been visited upon MIL in quite a long while.
Turns out even SIL has texted her a few times, and no response.
Have no way of knowing of course, did Flighty C run for cover .. when she found out that they meant it, when she said just in passing .. "oh sure call me anytime", did she run for cover ...???..... I don't really know. And it's none of my biz .. thus I don't really care when it gets mentioned.
Until .. yesterday we were talking, YD and myself .. and we have .. the first wknd in September, some fam coming in town (on my end) and some of the members of said family are all going to a concert that weekend here locally .. YD would be part of that sect of family .. and she mentioned just in passing, "I'm not gonna be around "C" called me and needs me to dog sit that weekend .. so I'll be staying over there for the wknd .. but I'll be around to go to the concert .. me and b'friend".
That sparked my interest. "Oh you heard from "C" .. seems MIL and SIL haven't been able to talk to her, I guess SIL has texted her more than once and gotten no response .. ".
YD's response: "I don't know .. she didn't say anything .. I just know she needs me to dog sit .. if I were to take bets .. it's probably she doesn't want to be anywhere near that situation and geriatric care mom .. I'm sure she and her husband didn't buy that home next to g'ma .. so they could then take up the torch of geriatric care". She says as she passes by and nothing further.
I didn't inquire, she wouldn't know. Doesn't matter.
But .. SIL found that interesting also .. only from the respect that I'd mentioned to her .. that I have some fam coming in town first wknd of September .. and many of them are going to a concert in town .. and she then asked me, where is everyone staying .. and I told her, .. some at my house, and YD will be at Flighty C's dog sitting .. that then sparked
Sil's appearance sure stirs things up, doesn't it??? Man, she has more energy for meddling than anyone I've ever "met" before.
No DOUBT she is truly and really regretting the "decision" to bring her mother to IL. Now it's in her face and it's real-- she's losing it.
The edema--you just cannot play fast and loose with that. You keep the swelling at a minimum ALL THE TIME, not just when you want to, eventually, the Lasix simply can't do the job--plus it's hard on the kidneys and heart, both to do this rollercoaster ride of fluid retention.
I fear that MIL may have gone too far with her non compliance. You see her weekly, so to you, it's just what it is. SIL doesn't see her, so the change was probably gruesomely awful. I've no doubt that now SIL Is here, meds will be taken on time and appropriately. In 6 days, her legs won't have healed much, sadly.
WTH didn't SIL pony up a few hundred extra dollars and but the whole dang row??? I like dogs fine, but sitting next to someone's poochy poo through a flight makes my skin crawl. And she plans to HOLD HIM the whole time? Guarantee there's going to be some angry passengers. Yes, the dog should be CLEAN,, but he doesn't need a full grooming. Just bathe him so he doesn't stink. AND PLEASE get something to calm him down. Jack Russel mix? OMGOsh....hyper even in their dotage.
I find out I'm sitting next to someone with a fake ESA and you better believe I am asking for a different seat ANYWHERE. Too many times have I flown next to someone's MIL who is babying their "little guy" who just pooped/puked/peed all over. REAL service animals are so well trained they would explode before they pottied ANYWHERE but in a designated spot.
I for one am really glad the FAA is coming down hard on fake Service animals. My DH is horribly allergic to cats and some dogs. He almost always has to take an antihistamine and often wear a mask so somebody ELSE's poochy/kitty won't be left home.
Dorker--just keep up your mantra "She needs to not live alone anymore"....never break from that when SIL gets one of her harebrained ideas of how this 'one more thing' will make it safe for MIL to live alone. I'm glad you didn't clean up after the 'storm' but I imagine SIL already knows how bad it was.
Good luck wiht 6 more days of constant "can't you just do?......" from SIL's direction. Do what you want to do and no more. AS long as you bend for them, they'll assume you're still in the game and willing to play.
MIL NEEDS TO NOT BE LIVING ALONE ANYMORE.
Dorker, don’t let the b*stards get you down.
If the airline rejects MIL’s dog, push back if the Sob Sisters decide to cancel their trip over it. Tell SIL in advance that Plan B is for them to call Team Dorker (one last time!), and someone will double-back to the airport to p.u. Poochy.
Also make it clear that if they need to get themselves re-assigned to a later flight, then that’s exactly what they will do.
No cancelling. No returning to MIL’s house. At least not by way of Team Dorker.
If MIL & SIIL need to wait til the next morning, they can take the airport shuttle to the nearest airport hotel for 1 night. (Far less disruptive than journeying back to MIL’s house.) And those 2 can shuttle on back to the airport the next day.
If the Sob Sisters insist on bommerang-ing back to MIL’s house for one night (or heaven forbid, more than one night), I have one word: UBER.
Dead serious.
And UBER again, when the Sob Sisters deign to return to the damm airport.
Im not saying to get Poochy to the groomer in lieu of MILs legitimate medical needs - but if it can be managed, even if it takes all hands on deck- get Poochy to the groomer.
Why is this important? Anyone fly a lot?
I use to fly six times a month - did so for several years for my job. Summer months were the worst - especially if one is departing a warm weather state - like Florida.
I cant count the number of times I sat for an hour or so waiting on the tarmac- being “10th in line” or which ever. Usually it was in Salt Lake City when it was hot as hell outside.
Let me tell you, those planes get pretty freakin hot and for whatever reason they can’t or don’t really turn on any cooling air as you sit there baking inside a metal tin. You’ve just got that little round nozzle thingie overhead- which everyone is frantically trying to adjust for even the tiniest bit of relief.
Anyhoo - those situations can cause the air environment on the plane to become pretty rank. I remember once sitting towards the back of the plane - a plane that had flown several trips that day and the loo having been steadily used... sorry - I digress...
Anyhoo - again - Even as a dog lover I would be none to pleased to be seated next to a dog - that hadn’t been recently bathed and with its dog smell adding to the aroma in the air.
Don’t give anyone any reason to make a stink (hahhahaha) about having a dog on board - and risk getting Poochy and mil asked to deplane.
Cause I promise you - if that happens you’ll never get mil back on any flight - ever.
Will cart poochy this afternoon to vet appt.
Just in case anyone else forgot ... I didn't... Was just a few mere weeks back ....YD carting MIL to dental appt and no shoes. House slippers the attire for the outing.
Edema so bad, shoes/sandals not an option.
What I describe here and it's overly angry and punitive approach ... not the path. Should be loving but firm.
My point in the broader picture is that should things take the path that history has shown ....
I don't hold much hope there would be any persuasion from either of her grown kids.
The dye cast ... end of story ... should things take that path.
Don't hold much confidence there would be any persuasion forthcoming... loving and supportive or otherwise ..
And the way you characterize what needs to be said to MIL.....it's just mean. It's NOT what I said.
I think part of the issue here is that no one uses the "calm mommy voice" in explaining how things have to be.
"Mom, you have a choice to make here. Your doctor has said you can no longer live alone. This is out of our hands. You need to make a choice between going to SIL's and moving into a supportive environment here in Florida".
Said calmly, with no emotion, no affect attached. Dead serious. With eye contact. "No, that's not one of the choices".
"if you're determined that you want to die, we can call in Hospice; that's certainly a choice you can make. Would you like us to do that?".
Serious. LIttle affect. No hand-waving.