I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
They are eyeing a flight this way for 1/26.
I guess time will tell if yet another calamity or health malady spends the above as a plan
I was thinking of your SIL the past two days as I accompanied my mother in the transport van to a doctor appointment and a dental appointment. I refuse to take her anywhere in my car unless she can independently get herself into and out of the car, AND I won't be lifting her heavy wheelchair from the nursing home into and out of my trunk. (So she pays the facility transport $65/round trip, and I go along for free.)
I watched my mother's bathroom routine at the nursing home, and it is cumbersome because of her gallbladder drain and tube. She apparently is getting up a lot during the night. I can't imagine having her in my home and having to take care of her like SIL does for Dorker's MIL. I was practically running out of there after just 5 hours (Wed) and 4 hours (yesterday) with her. I've added 9 hours to the tab, so that will be $180 I've earned. My mother said, "You don't pay family," but too bad. You also don't get to dictate that one child does more than the others (and then act unappreciative). So I will be paid by my brother once the accounts in the trust are retitled so that he can handle all the money for my mother. And my mother will never know she's given me "gifts" in appreciation for all that I've done. :-)
The doctor visit on Wed was very disappointing to her, because the safest course of action for her is to leave the gallbladder drain and tube in. The GI doctor said he thought it was risky doing his procedure to get the gallstones out. The other option was to remove the drain and tube and see what happens (risk of the gallbladder becoming infected again). So she's in her current placement (she stayed in the nursing home where she completed rehab) to stay. We're filing for LTC insurance payout ($7K/month for 7 years), and her condo will be put on the market.
I'm glad that you and H can stay far away from MIL's issues. SIL is making all of this difficult on herself -- she is choosing to be a martyr to her mother's happiness. What is just plain wrong is that she is also sacrificing her own H in the process.
Not sure yet when the grand return to FL makes it's way back onto any agenda (or why for that matter...but that's beside the point).
Being as it's resident in the nerve, shingles pain is extremely hard to treat effectively. And she wasn't moving around very freely to start with, poor love.
So they're not coming back to FL, like, yesterday, then..?
Complaint #1 (among many), her words: "Ya know I haven't been anywhere since I got here, other than to doctors .. seems like that's all I do .. I stay in my PJ's every day .. I don't even get dressed, we haven't been anywhere".
Ahem, cough/clear throat .. (but no I didn't argue the point with someone that doesn't think clearly). "You didn't go anywhere when you were here either, and you stayed in PJ's most days here .. so .. uhm .. you're lamenting that fact like life there has been oh so unpleasant with one malady after the next. What's different? Same story here ..
Complaint #2: "You know I have just about frozen to death here .. it's been cold since I got here .. I don't think I've warmed up since I got here".
Me, coughing .. clearing throat ..wanting to argue her POV but didn't: "and what's different about that MIL? Same story here .. it can be 78 in your house .. the temp you keep it . and .. you're still walking around in PJ's and a sweatshirt jacket and socks and house shoes .. in the dead of summer even .. what's different?
Complaint #3: "you know .. it's been one thing after another since I got here .. I mean I just have not been well .. this whole thing .. it's just been really pretty damn miserable .. one thing after another after the next".
Me, wanting to argue the point, but why bother, so I didn't: "Didn't you leave here behind a bout that had been ongoing for about a month of chitapalooza? And before that it was the complaint about the pain in your back/ribs that you choose not to see about .. isn't it the same here? Always something .. always .. one malady after another. What's different?
You want to argue the various complaints that are really, in the end, pointless .. life there in IL is no different than it was here .. truly. In PJ's almost every day of her life, unless she had a doc appt. Never went anywhere .. never. Never felt good enough to go anywhere .. always some malady/ailment, always. Want to argue the points with her and point that out, by why bother.
SIL now living it all, right under her nose. All her magic whirligigs to right the course of this ailing/fragile old woman .. right there at her fingers .. all the whirligigs she can conjure .. and it still isn't righting the course of it all. Go figure.
SIL is weary/tired ... and overwhelmed, her own words.
But until it's poured on her around her, and in her, and saturates her, she won't change course, if ever. So be it.
But...... at least SIL knows DH is praying for her, right? That should be a ton of comfort and help .... {evil laugh}
Speaking as someone who isn't there on site.
I don't know why there is any call for her to ambulate around at this point (yes on her walker she uses 100% of the time).
Give her enough pain med to alleviate her discomfort. She has a catheter... so no need to get up and go to the bathroom ... just give her enough pain meds to alleviate her discomfort and don't let her get up ...
But I'm not there.
I know from talking to them ... she is getting up for two reasons:
1. There is no position that's comfortable. Seated... she has to lean to the unaffected side of her butt ... that gets uncomfortable ...lying down ... the only position she's been able to be in since her fall last year .. is flat on her back. Can't lay on her side or stomach.
SIL joked that they need to build an apparatus that hangs her suspended from the ceiling. She can't stand for long ... she'll fall. Can't lay for long, can't sit for long... need to suspend her in a harness from the ceiling.
2. What was the ever present Chitapalooza has now turned in the opposite direction. So she is going to the bathroom to try to make things work in that area ... up and down.
Thus she isn't just ..."just we've made you as comfortable as we can now stay there and don't get up".
MIL was supremely compromised a LONG time prior to this visit being planned. SIL simply would not look at it. Looked everywhere else for the answer (It's a UTI, Right? She just slipped, right? She has to use a walker all the time, right? Then she'll be fine on her own, right?) All these diversionary ideas when the truth, the ugly in -your-face-truth is that MIL is doing a long slow slide into the end of her life.
And SIL will fight that concept until even after MIL is gone. Goodness knows I hear my DH say "Y'know, if dad hadn't had that last bout of pneumonia, he'd still be with us"....denial to the end and past. (The fact dad had "beaten" leukemia for 20 extra years and would now be 92 eludes DH's thinking)
If SIL hadn't been such a pill with you for so long, I also would be tempted to fly to IL to help---but it wouldn't BE helpful, she'd be hanging over your shoulder second guessing every move you made, and this IS DH's call and HIS responsibility. Sadly, I am sure he will do no more than make a phone call or two and then the rest just slips out of mind.
As per the cath bag changes---I don's see why SIL is up 4-5 times a night changing those? Daddy had one towards the end, and it was only emptied 3xs a day. He got to sleep all night, which was crucial for mother's health. ANY movement of said bag is uncomfortable, to say the least, and has to be excruciating for MIL!!
No doubt this is one more of SIL's over the top caring procedures.
Catheters are miserable. Mother has a permanent one and I don't know how she stands it--they must be much, much thinner than the "regular" ones. She also wear depends and 2 heavy pads, but still manages to leak in 3 hours. And she barely drinks anything. Mom changes her bag once a day and cleans it--but she lets it dangle on the floor and she isn't capable of cleaning it appropriately, so she has constant UTI's. Sad.
I do feel for MIL. It's going to be a very long time before she can even entertain the thought of returning home. And then----SIL is going to have 2 options: She makes her home in FL and stays with MIL until she passes or she gets MIL in a NH. That's about it. There's no possibility of a team, that's for sure. She'd need 3 aides 8 hrs per day each. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Well--it is what it is. The "plan" fell apart and SIL's insistence that you have no idea what she'd going through is ludicrous. You didn't do geriatric nursing care the way SIL does, but you did plenty.
And frankly, I think he care giving at this point is CAUSING more pain and grief than if the could get her 24/7 care in a facility where they aren't "playing games" with props, creams, cold, heat, whatever. They make their patient's comfy and leave them be---once positioned and possibly medicated for pain (she's not walking anywhere, right?) and the bags all set and her as comfortable as she can be---leave her a lone to be quiet and rest. I know SIL's hummingbird approach drives her crazy. Maybe a couple weeks in a respite center of some kind would be a Godsend to all of them.
When I am sick, I want a dark, cold, quiet room. I do not want people fussing and bugging me. I don't want visitors or ANYTHING. An ice cold diet coke and a good book and leave me ALONE.
Well--hopefully of that cath can come out--that 'might' feel better. It might be a whole lot worse. Hot urine on shingles sores---I am sitting here clenching my legs together. (I 'm suggesting a good 'cold' spraying of the lady regions prior to her trying to urinate.....it's gonna hurt.)
Prescription strength 5% or OTC 3.6% Lidocaine Patches are used to numb Area for shingles. My mom used them in rehab for fracture. They really helped. Then she couldn’t get them through her insurance because they were approved only for shingles. It goes on the intact skin. If you google it you can find the study that says it really helps with the pain during and after attack.
Though she did say that she'd gotten up at 7 AM .. and checked it and it was about to be too full, this after having emptied it previously at 4 AM.
She is presently on a pretty low dose of Gabapentin, 200 mg .. (I'm on 300, 1x daily at night/bedtime). She probably needs to up that dose. She is also on Val whatever it is for Shingles, .. and she's also on an antibiotic for the UTI present with all the other mess.
She has so many issues one has to walk a fine line with her . and meds. She's already had explosive chitapalooza as a result of the antibiotic .. which has since been changed .. and she is now . the opposite of chitapalooza and was up all night trying to alleviate the other end of that story .. and no success. Literally .. up .. all during the night and vacillating between nausea and constipation. This meant SIL was up with her, .. not sure why .. but nonetheless.
She has balance issues anyway .. as a result of all her strokes .. she can't stand still without falling over, her balance is so bad ..
Thus one has to be very careful rx'ing anything that can cause dizziness .. pain meds ..
It's a problem.
I was told about a cream by my mom .. I can't think of the name of it right now, but I will if someone wants the name of it ..OTC cream .. and it helped me a lot .. expensive .. but it was helpful. I told SIL about it and she bought some .. and it is helping some with the pain . .but she worries that it keeps the area moist .. and won't promote the scabbing that needs to occur with those blisters.
I didn't find that .. but I don't think my Shingles were as bad as what it sounds like is ongoing on their end.
She is supposed to come off the catheter on Thursday . here's hoping things function as they should at that juncture ..
It's not uncommon that things don't .. and the catheter has to go back in, for a while.
As to DH going that way to help out ... I am staying out of it. I think he should go also . .and he even mentioned it this morning .. and I encouraged he should do that. But outside of that, I'm out of it. Staying in my lane .. and not making suggestions.
Not trying to scare anybody but if you ever get shingles and you start to vomit a lot go see your doctor. My Mom left to get him some gravol, came back 30 minutes later and he couldn't talk and barely recognized her. He spent three weeks in the hospital on a respirator, eventually had to have a feeding tube and days later died.
I had Shingles on my right buttock in 2015. It was excruciating. The rash was from centerline (if you know what I mean) and on right buttock. In addition to the exterior pain, there was internal pain. That was the worst.
I saw my Dermatologist the day the rash appeared. I was given antivirals to shorten the duration of the mess and told to use burn gels or anything with Lidocaine as Barb suggested. This did help with the exterior pain.
I did ask my Pharmacist if she had any suggestions also. She suggested Preparation H. I applied that to my whole right buttock. I told her about the excruciating internal pain. She suggested Prep H suppositories. That kept me from losing my mind!
I certainly wouldn’t recommend MIL using anything unless the info was passed thru her Dr or Pharmacist due to her age and health.
I am sure she is miserable.
I vaguely remember keeping the area cool helped. That being too warm made things worse.
Dorker, I hate to hear you have Shingles also. Glad you got in to see your Dr. Awful, Shingles are awful.
Is MIL taking pain meds?
Why is SIL emptying MIL's catheter bag 3-4 times/night? She'll be sick again herself if she keeps this up.
I don't think H will ever make the plane reservations to go up there and visit his mother. There is churchin' and huntin' to do, right?
Yes, I will get better .. in time. I still have some discomfort .. feel like somebody yanked a hunk of hair off my scalp, sore/sensitive. Have scabs on my face, and into my hairline .. but other than that .. I will get better.
MIL on the other hand?
OY VEY! I talked to them briefly this morning only because SIL had mentioned what a horrible time MIL is having .. (I can't imagine having the pain I've experienced .. which was on my face, .. she .. it's on her behind and into her lady parts). SIL had emailed me to let me know they rec'd the nightgown and thanked me and mentioned what a horrible time her mom is having .. can't get comfortable. Sitting .. is painful . has to sorta sit to the side on the not involved butt cheek .. and can't do that for long .. and laying?
Ever since that fall she took last xmas . she hasn't been able to really lay on a side, .. has to lay flat on her back .. it's somehow painful for her to lay on her side, either side. Been that way since she fell a year ago. No reason why ever found.
I called there, wanted to suggest two things that might help. One of those donut seats .. said they tried it .. the hole in the donut not sufficient . .and they don't make them bigger. Said she has her mom seated on a cushy seat cushion thing wrapped in a sherpa blanket .. to soften it even further, but even still .. pain. Told them that I'd found it helpful .. at least as far as my face and the pain .. I kept a rotation of frozen water bottles and rubbed my face .. with frozen water bottles throughout . maybe she could try that with her butt.
Said (and it's true of her) she freezes to death even when the thermometer is set at 78 (and that's too uncomfortably hot for SIL but they're doing it) .. and she still freezes .. I guess for her, it be maybe suitable to clock the thing on up to maybe 90 .. I dunno.
SIL sounds so weary and tired. She said this whole visit with MIL there, it's been one thing after another. She's right .. but that was the case before she got to IL .. she just wasn't living it .. or rather, from afar she was .. directing traffic here .. and then waltzing on with her life. She is now living it.
Your'e right, . she's swimming in a pool she dug for herself and it's muddy and a mess. She's the only one that can swim her way out of it. Whether she wants to do that or not .. is up to her.
SIL saying that her mom has been under tremendous stress .. the whole stay up there, not anything she ever wanted to entertain doing . and she has been one malady and ailment after another since getting there .. and .. worries .. about what's to become of her .. and her future . what it will entail. Worries/and frets over it all.
I do think MIL is too old to be carted back and forth all the time, too old and too many maladies . .but that too, not up to me.
SIL said .. kinda sideways and not wanting to be heard . .saying it out loud .. kinda under her breath .. "this is all so grueling .. I just don't know Dorker".
I didn't even acknowledge it was said . she knows my thoughts ..
So do what you need to do .. and do it soon. Otherwise .. live with the grueling pace you're going.
If anything happens to her, I just don't know what will become of the whole thing to be honest.
Feel bad for all of them, but not bad enough I'm checking out plane fares to get myself up there, or DH for that matter. That's up to him.
The irony that you and MIL both have shingles at the same time is beyond me....there's just not words.
BUT--you are, by your own admission, a very healthy person and will shake this off. MIL? She's going to have residual nerve pain forever. Mother had shingles about 5-6 years ago and she still is in pain. And the rash really never healed. Along with all her myriad health complaints--she's just not going to bound back from this (if she's ever "bounded back" from anything!)
I am feeling your anxiety at wanting to call and book a flight for DH to get to IL for a few days----and you're right, he has to do this (and won't)....
Honestly, this family has just worn us all to nubs. And we don't know y'all!
Looks like you have at least a month of MIL-free time. I really feel for SIL, but she's swimming in a pool she dug and filled on her own.
Sadly, all the "bad stuff" everyone talked about "maybe happening" is happening. You don't know how her health has been since she's been gone, but the UTI's and shingles and stuff--I think we all know she's slowly getting worse and worse and if SIL wasn't breathing for her, she'd be gone.
Well--today WAS D-day...did you ever think she could really return to FL to live "independently?" EVER? That's something that DH should man up to talking about with SIL---once and for all. And a decision made and implemented. (Now I am *laughing* because this will never, ever, ever happen.)
I hope YOU are feeling better. You got off "easy" with your round of shingles. I hope you're back 100% soon. I've been sick in bed since NY's and it's no way to start a new year.
The nightgown I ordered for MIL arrived and she emailed to let me know it works perfectly and MIL is happy w/it.
Said it's helpful .. in that she has to empty that catheter bag 3 and 4 x's at night .. and I guess accessing it with someone in a nightgown . easier than PJ bottoms.
But .. SIL is so tired and worn out. DH suggested this morning that he should look into plane fares to head up that way for a long weekend .. I encouraged he do that.
Will it go any further .. doubtful? Can I get on it, . .and get that plane reservation made and work with him and his schedule as to what is workable . .and get it done? You bet I could. Will I? No.
That's between he and his sister to work out .. and they don't talk to one another .. as far as planning and so forth .. they just don't .. as evidenced in all these months of all this .. they just don't plot and plan .. and figure a way forward .. they just don't.
If I were her, I'd be on the phone with him, asking him .. "when do you think you might could book a flight and get up this way and maybe help out some for a long weekend at least and give me and B a bit of respite from all this?".
She wouldn't do that. Back when MIL fell last xmas and she was in the throes of being here on site to help her mom convalesce .. I encouraged him at that time, .. go out there and let her get away from it all for a bit. He tried, .. offered several times .. and the answer was, .. "Oh I don't think she'd be as comfortable with him being the one to help her .. she has to have help toileting . and she wouldn't be comfortable with him .. she can't even get back and forth from the bathroom and lowered down onto the toilet and back up .. she would prefer that I be the one to be here to help her".
Ooookay then!
Says her mom's shingles are on her left buttock and into her genital area and it's so painful . .and trying to find any way she can sit . is a real problem .. they've tried any number of pillows and seat cushions .. and nothing is comfortable.
I know of the pain she is enduring .. but mine was on my face .. I guess if I had to pick .. I'd pick my face .. considering sitting is so uncomfortable for her.
One thing that surely has to have been driven home by now is that MIL is not a candidate to live alone any longer. That should be more than evident to all involved. Even DH said of this latest dilemma .. his words .. "and to think .. she could be out there all alone and in the shape she's in presently .. she can't live alone .. she just can't".
Surely SIL now sees that too. One can only hope.
And as regards DD .. it's almost laughable to me at this point. It was when DH blew a gasket at me a year ago or whenever that was . announcing they had a team now .. in a manner, .. the way he blew that at me, was almost a "so there!" .. and then went on to tell me that the MOW drivers/neighbors and DD would all be helping .. so they have a team now.
I remember thinking at the time (didn't say it .. it would've only incited more argument) .. "yea right .. sure .. MOW drivers .. I'm not even sure what their limitations are in that capacity as to helping . .but you go there big guy with your plans .. and neighbors .. yea right .. what neighbors .. she has Flighty C next door .. friendly, gregarious and outgoing .. but very much her own life .. and she will be nowhere to be found, watch and see .. and the neighbors across the street .. yea .. they've always been helpful to take in the garbage can .. maybe dig up some weeds in the yard .. outside of that .. nah .. .don't see them helping all that much .. but you go with your bad self there DH .. and DD ........... hahahahaha ......... if she could help she'd of already been helping .. she can't . she is limited to nap schedules and babies and their illnesses .. yea right .. HA! Whatever".
I didn't say all that, .. but it turned out to be in the end, the truth.
So be it.
On the tail end of it all at this point. Rx'd Gabapentin to help me sleep (scalp is sensitive and sore).
At least I know for sure.
https://dphhs.mt.gov/Portals/85/dsd/documents/DDP/MedicalDirector/Shingles.pdf
Oops I blooped. Cervical nerves not cranial like I said below. Apologies.
That's why it was almost laughable several months ago when DH blew a gasket .. with me, telling me they "have a team now" .. (Team MIL) of which .. comprised her neighbors, . and MOW drivers and .. drum roll .. ready for this ......DD.
DD hasn't been able to be of much service to the whole MIL issue since she had kids. Especially since she had twins.
MIL would be needing her at times when maybe chitapalooza was in full force .. DD not gonna be real willing to take twin babies around that .. and/or maybe MIL needing her .. at a time when twins are ill .. and so MIL not wanting to be exposed to the germs on that end.
DD .. not someone that can be relied upon to be steppin and fetchin .. to cause TEAM MIL.
Not sure at all, what SIL thought she'd accomplish in ranting to DD. It only served, in the end, to frustrate/confound DD who found in her, .. the same things that used to frustrate/confound me. You make suggestions .. things that make perfect sense to a sensible sort .. and they get dismissed and diminished.
Your SIL's complaints to your Dd definately sounds like she is prepping her for aditional help once they return to Florida. Your Dd needs to stand up for herself, and it wouldn't hurt to remind her Auntie that she should enlist some help from her own Dd for an afternoon here and there. It might just make her think about how she puts the pressure on others back home, at least. Boy she sure has the Nerve to complain to your Dd, when she won't even ask for help on some simple tasks from her own kid! I'll bet she doesn't look forward to getting old and infirm herself, she will be up stream without a paddle with Prima Donna likely turning her back on her! You reap what you so when You are The Enabler!
Hold firm on your Boundries Dorker! So Proud of You!
We just Sold our house, so Loads of packing up and then moving to do. Our 4 kids are lining up to help! So Proud of our Troops!
That's between the two of them. I used to suggest things such as that .. suggested things such as counseling for her, for her mom . .support groups .. etc .. along with many other suggestions as to what it is I think might be more beneficial .. but all for naught.
I don't do so any longer.
As for me, .. I find that I'm trying to get up to speed here. I don't know . .if this was Shingles .. will call the doc tomorrow .. don't know if that's what it was . but I'm telling ya the crushing fatigue behind all this has been palpable.
I've been going to bed a LOT earlier than is normal for me .. and just absolutely spent . by the end of each day that hasn't included doing a whole lot (sans the day I kept the babies for DD .. as well as onite and into the next day).