I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
If MIL goes home to SIL's care they will need a team of nurses 24/7. Even if she was able SIL could not physically manage changing MIL's bed every time she pees herself. She just is not strong enough.
Sounds as though she was admitted for observation but they can only do that for 3 days via Medicare then she has to be fully admitted. After that as long as she remains through 3 midnights in the hospital she will qualify for 20 days rehab. There may not be much choice about the facility depending on the bed status. In NYS you have to take the first available bed, but can choose if there are others open.
On the bathing issue, there is nothing wrong with not taking a bath or shower as long the patient receives a proper sponge bath. Cleanliness of the peri area is the key to helping prevent UTIs. The older and weaker one gets the more difficult it is to properly clean. There may be resistance but the caretaker must insist.
Cleaning the mouth and teeth is also extremely important and an electric toothbrush can make the task easier for feeble old hands.
The other are areas are skin folds expecially in the over weight and between the toes.
MIL may or may not be a candidate for hospice at this point although she probably is but family should be aware that they do not provide 24 hour care.
A bath aid may come a few times a week but nobody is available to change wet bedding and do the laundry 24/7.
I had disagreed with the policy of hospitals not using Depends on patients but having been severely ill and not making it to the comode a few times I appreciated how much better the cleanup was sitting on a chux. Now if you are up and walking around independently or just being transported to x-ray I prefer my nether regions not to be in full view
I would expect the social workers, discharge planners etc will strongly advise rehab for MIL. ONE PERSON SIMPLY CAN'T DO IT ALL.
sil...
Sil so, so much created this Frankenstein. And - the monster of it all has been set loose to torch the village. Sil likely feels like an utter failure long about now. Not only a UTI but diverticulitis as well. Not one, but two separate infections. Sil couldn’t even get her mother in the shower - for Pete sake - as I’m sure she’s looking at it. Beating herself over the head about it. It makes one want to ask sil “so how is that happiness goal working out for ya?”
On the other hand -
As far as everything that’s been
communicated here in regard to sil - I don’t think I’ve ever known of anyone so deeply entrenched and enmeshed - so completely controlled by their feeling for and by their own mother. I do get that element in this all - God knows my relationship with my own mother was warped, complicated and dysfunctional. But compare to sil and MILs relationship- it makes mine with my mother look almost healthy!
i definitely agree that if sil doesn’t take a step back - go home to B and get some rest - sil is gonna find herself at a tipping point. The point where her feeling for her mother will change - change into becoming irreparably damaged. And, that’s a heavy load that she’ll have to carry for the rest of her life.
Its all so sad. But this is what happens when reality keeps knocking at your door and you refuse to answer it. Or specifically in this case - dh and sil yelling out “Dorker! Get the door for Christ’s sake!”
After sister was rested, a whirlwind tour of the facilities would take place and a choice made. And mom would be told gently " the docs say you need to go here to get your strength back". " We can talk about home next week/month".
This is the playbook, Dorker. Keep it in the back of your head.
She has the chance now to leave MIL to professional care and give her a break from her hysteria (I think that the running out in the hallway to get the nurses attention because MIL was peeing just states so boldly that she feels her mother is entitled to almost unrealistic care---what DIFFERENCE would 15 seconds have made in the whole incontinence situation? This baffles me). AND SHE WON'T TAKE IT!! Does she think her presence is required at all times? Again. I am so baffled. Perhaps she's so terrified of her mother's dying, she will not leave her?
I truly cannot fathom why SIL will not leave her mother to go home and get some much needed sleep! This is going to be the death of SIL and MIL might linger for ages.
This is a sad time for DH. It FINALLY hit home, as a lot of us thought it would. I am sure a part of you wants to say "I TOLD YOU SO". but I know your kind heart, and you won't say anything. DH is going to grieve, and grieve mightily as he has ignored all the signs for over a year. And deftly dumped it on you. Poor guy.
I think right now it's a waiting game. MIL is absolutely NOT ABLE TO RETURN HOME..is everyone on that page NOW??? Or is there still this crazy plan that she can be returned to home to....do all this over and over again?
It's a waiting game. Sounds like it's time for Hospice to be called in--for the palliative care if for no other reason.
Dorker--hearts go out to you today--keep us updated. I know you're "out" but perhaps you can lean a little on SIL and encourage her to come home to sleep.
This makes me sad for you guys. You seeing DH in tears, DH in his realizing the situation, long overdue, but still sad. MIL knowing she’s out to lunch coupled with being hospitalized. Even SIL, even though her exhaustion is a mess of her own making, it’s not a good place to find one’s self, and very, very unhealthy.
I agree, if they get MIL settled in a rehab might be better if SIL can muster the energy to get out of town and let BIL visit his ill sister.
That would mean DH would be the contact person, running by to check on MIL once a day if she wasn’t harping on going home. He could do it. He should do it.
If she recovers from the couple of infections she’s got going on and barring any other catastrophic event she will likely survive all this and just be in a more weakened and frail state.
MIL could go on like this for years. Another sad realization for DH if she out lives the 2 week window.
I don't think Dorker's SIL does. She's apparently had interrupted sleep for months now...since August when she took MIL to IL with her? But she's sacrificed herself to the altar of Mommy's happiness, as we know.
So she wouldn't even leave last night? She's setting herself up for another illness. Interesting that Dorker's H is now willing to do hospital duty. He never was before, right?
SIL will be very unhappy if MIL is placed in a facility and she (SIL) won't be able to micromanage from afar. Well, I guess she can try. There is a lot that still needs to be handled, even if the elder is in a NH. Hope H is up to that! I don't think SIL will be able to do all of it long-distance.
Then again, SIL will be visiting FL a lot, because she will have to bring Poochy to visit MIL. Dorker isn't going to be Poochy's caretaker. Don't let them guilt you into taking care of Poochy, Dorker!
I also agree with you that this is not "the end". It's just the beginning, sadly.
Not let her continue to suffer in the broken body she's living in. Him talking about that .. and talking about sitting with his mom in the hospital .. and oh I dunno .. her .. she'd say something . every once in a while .. indicative that she's out to lunch .. and .. the whole pee fiasco . he witnessed also ... and her moaning and and such .. when she had to try to move .. all of it.
For instance, .. yesterday she'd asked .. "When is B coming and bringing Poochy". She asked this of SIL . out of the clear blue. B is not coming to the hospital and he sure isn't bringing poochy. That as outta nowhere. SIL chalked it up to "maybe you dreamed that mom". Yea, either that or maybe she's getting so far gone that she's saying wild things like that.
Watching DH .. when he came in last night from having been at the hospital .. and him with tears in his eyes .. as he described having gone by the church to pray that God take her from this life .. and all that he had to say. Part of me was like .. I wanted to say but didn't .. "ya know while you were busy living your life and attending to church matters and orphaned boys . your mom has been spiraling downhill .. if you'd of listened to me .. welcome back".
Of course you don't say that to someone who is pained at what they're dealing with, so I didn't.
He feels like she will be gone in the next couple of weeks, this is gonna take her out. I don't. As he was talking about it all, . her translucent old skin .. her far away look that indicates she ain't here listening and engaging .. her moans and groans of having to readjust .. all of it .. he feels like this is the turn that will take her out.
I don't.
I've seen her this ill before ..
Maybe he .. was busy (smirk), and hasn't seen it.
He talked of how this profoundly impacted SIL. She's never seen her this bad off. She was .. she couldn't even get "up" off the sofa and had to be dead lifted .. by DH .. and even then .. was like trying to hold a baby .. but she's 170 lbs . she's not a 20 lb baby .. and just dead limp weight .. couldn't get up . and her brain not registering . not at that moment .. the connection between .. I need to get up . and so .. the part of your brain that then engages that process, .. to now get up. It was broken .. and she wasn't able to do it . but she was also mercifully enough . out of it enough .. that it wasn't disturbing to her, . just in a fog ..
SIL .. I guess . the realization dawning on her . having lived this walk .. this is a whole new horse of a different color . haven't seen this before .. this is W-A-Y .. more than me and B can do. We can't lift her .. we can't even pull and tug on her, not strong enough .. and even if we were, .. she'd collapse if we got her up and we're' not strong enough to hold her up .. this is a whole new level of how bad it all is .. and SIL now having been profoundly impacted by that whole scene and the realization of just how bad it can all be.
I guess they've neither one seen it get that bad before. I have.
I once had her at the doctor . and how I got her in the car I don't remember, but got her there, to a doc appt, and had to get the wheelchair to get her into the office, and the only interaction from her was tears .. she couldn't really be all that communicative . she was so sick . and from there, to the ER . and an admit .. I've seen it.
Was sad though .. the dawn of realization DH was experiencing.
Haven't heard a thing about the whole sister in St. Louis saga. For all I know a miracle blew into town and all is well. They just haven't brought it up and I haven't asked.
The few short minutes I was around yesterday .. I was able to see, .. why it is that SIL finds it necessary to stay on sight there o'nite. It goes like this, . her mom says .. "I have to pee". Well that means get a bedpan .. at least then . maybe today that will mean . let's get you up (if they can do that). That means push the button to call for a nurse. No way is MIL strong enough to get herself up onto a bedpan.
But here's what happens .. she says she has to pee, . .and then the pee flows . that quick . the instant she says it, . .it's too late. UTI? Something else? I don't know ..
But anyway . the second she says it . .it's too late, the pee flows.
Now SIL . I guess .. is she so exhausted she doesn't think straight anymore, or is she herself .. somewhat compromised in her whole thinking process .. I really don't know .. and I don't stick around long enough to sort these things through anymore.
SIL . then comes to her mom's bedside, . to push the button . or help her .. MIL slow as molasses . with anything she tries to do . but even more so now, . and maybe not all that much there, to know right then on that spot of the moment, where's the nurse button ..
So SIL come to her mom's side to assist with that, push that nurse button. (Folks, it's already too late, there is a river of pee already). Even MIL says so .. "I just pee'd"... it's almost instantaneous.
So now SIL has either pushed the button herself, or assisted her mom in finding that all important button . and then she gives it a moment, to respond to the speaker (but again, it's already too late) .. says to the nurse on the intercom that her mom needs assistance to pee (although it's already too late) . .and the nurse responds over the speaker .. and then wait a few seconds . no nurse materializing . and so she goes out into the hall way .. and then . is kinda making motion to "hurry hurry" .. (but .. again . .it's already too late) ..
And then here comes staff finally ..
What she is doing in the end, is maybe cutting off .. in her assistance .. maybe a total of about 10 seconds that her mom lays in pee .. because there is no stopping the pee . that's coming . no matter if a nurse was standing right there, and was able to lift her like you would a feather, and drop her on a bedpan . the moment she utters the words. .. it'd still be too late.
So, the little time I was there, witnessing this .. it's pretty evident to me that SIL found in this whole shenanigan .. that she is needed to assist with that endeavor.
I didn't say to her, "Ya know, .. it's not making any difference, you being here, to try to speed up that whole thing .. it's too late the second she says it .. they are having to change all her garments and her bed linens and clean her up .. no matter what .. it's too late the moment she feels the urge .. you being here, to try to do all that, isn't gonna make the difference .. she's still gonna pee all over herself and the same result .. why don't you go home .. they will deal with it, you need to rest".
Nope .. didn't say it. Wanted to, but didn't.
DH offered to stay and let her go home .. and she declined . the bedpanning and all .. the indignity of it.
What is sad though .. watching all this .. is when DH came in last night from having been there .. and I guess the wear and tear of the night before. Him with tears in his eyes .. as he'd gone by the church to pray that God take her .. from this miserable life, and not let her
Despite SIL's stellar care in IL, MIL returns home much, much worse.
Sil is now exhibiting signs of stress and anxiety that she has not shown before. She actually sounds like a stiff wind would knock her over. That vertigo can and often does come back for several "stays". She could be bedridden herself!
B's family is is crisis and she cannot be where she SHOULD be, which is supporting HIM in his time of strife. He has sat by for YEARS and YEARS whilst SIL danced and sang and stood on her frickin' head to make MIL's life perfect. And through his OWN personal challenges AND MIL's obvious and cruel treatment of him....he said nothing. Breaks my heart.
She stays at the hospital 24/7, which I personally find beyond ridiculous. I have several friends who are nurses and they HATE it when some know it all family member sits vigil--they cannot get their jobs done. A visit--even staying the day--acceptable. Sleeping there every night??? Does she just crawl up in bed next to MIL? WHY is she staying there? MOST hospitals KICK YOU OUT at some point about 11 pm. My gosh, my hubby had a liver transplant and they sent me home at 3 am after his 18 hr surgery b/c the docs told me I was about to enter hell and I better get some sleep. I did not sleep ONE SINGLE NIGHT at the hospital, but I was there every single day, all day. I needed my sleep--heaven knows I got very little once he was home.
Nurses can "potty" MIL just fine. In fact, they are actually TRAINED how to do it. (Sorry, I am being snarky). SIL may think herself the best nurse for MIL but she has finally met her match. The UTI will clear up, but chances are she is going to have many more UTI's. They keep her "uncovered" b/c bacteria grows in moist areas, such as in a wet depends. And to get her on a bedpan is hard enough!
MIL might actually actually get some rest w/o SIL constantly talking and fussing. Perhaps, she has finally learned that??
MIL is not fighting the idea of a NH tooth and nail. They need to jump on that, ASAP.
DH is involved, for the first time, I think he sees this is all too real.
(Don't y'all have taxis and UBERS where you live? Why does everyone have to be chauffeured to and fro in a private car?)
The house is a mess. SIL would NEVER stand for that, but there's too many plates in the air, and, no, B would probably not think to pick up. That doesn't bug me, but it's telling. I know SIL kept the house immaculate. That it isn't tells you that SIL is BURNT OUT.
Oh, to get that inpatient label and get MIL placed, finally. It'a almost too much to comprehend.
Doubtful there will be any kind of "rehab" for MIL, she sounds really, really bad off. At least at the hospital she WILL get a shower. And also in a NH. Hygiene at this point is really important. Another sign SIL is so tired.
Dorker--you are wise to stay out as much as possible,. Supportive of DH, of course, this is truly new to him--he only accepted his mother's decline, like, a month ago?
And Rainmom is right--when we had to put mom in rehab for a length of time she swore at me and threw a bedpan and tried to punch out anybody who came near her. I honestly will NEVER forget the plastic bedpan she "threw" at me. I was so stressed out I actually burst out laughing--and was promptly told to go to he&&, and not come back. I took 6 nice long weeks away from her. MIL will not go "gracefully" so prepare for the worst. And hopefully SIL won't just move in with her.
This is a crucial time--just IMHO. If SIL will ALLOW the system to work and not try to work IT....you might, just might get the care for MIL she's needed for over a year.
You know, I have followed this story for over a year and sometimes I am just beyond befuddled by the antics of these people. (MIL's kids & MIL). You just cannot make this stuff up.
In the event that sil does not collapse from exhaustion and wind up in the hospital herself. And, sil does visit some rehabs... And, if hell freezes over and sil does actually find an acceptable rehab for mil...
Someone really should warn her about The Phone Call(s). The call that mil will make to her within the first 24 hours of being placed in the facility. The one when mil begs, pleads, threatens sil to come pick her up and take her home.
My mother called around 10:30pm her first night. Every word of that call is permanently seared into my brain and it holds a place of distinction in the top three worst moments of my six year caregivers career.
From what I have read here on AC - I am far from alone in having received this particular type of call. Apparently - it’s quite common.
Of course, I agree that it should not be Dorker who warns sil about this phenomenon - but perhaps something could be worked out the “via” way.
Cause I promise you - if sil does actually make it this far - The Phone Call will be her undoing. Unless perhaps, if she is forewarned and prepared for it. The hospital social worker, perhaps? Which is why I post this somewhat prematurely- so this resource might be utilized while it’s still available.
SIL "is" staying the night, .. said the mother asked her to. I think she has some trouble . (at least right now) .. with the whole *push the button* for a nurse .. and more problematic ... *it's not magic, a nurse doesn't materialize out of thin air* .. and so .. lots of pee going on .. all over her garments, the bed linens, etc.
Sounds like DH even offered to run home and get his things .. send SIL home . and he'd stay . it was declined by SIL. Maybe because of the whole dignity thing . of having to change her pee'd up clothing and such so frequently. I don't know, I'm guessing.
But at least I'm not sitting here with steam coming out of my ears, that he's off to the woods, or to church . and the whole sordid mess going out outside of his concern.
That's an improvement.
My mom, post stroke, in a rehab that was great for folks with knee and hip replacements) kept crying "everyone is making progress but me".
We explained to no avail that "they" were 40 and she was 90. This made no difference to her very broken brain.
Part of the journey......
people rehabing.
Maybe sil is worn down just enough - this time - to realize that.
My own DH, with an incredibly dysfunctional family dynamic, attempted to get his elderly mom to see that she needed to stop smoking and perhaps get some help in her home.
She told him she was going to report him to APS for elder abuse. He walked away.
At the time, I didn't understand and nagged him to go back, but he wouldn't. He was totally done with her life-long shenanigans and her playing him and his siblings against each other.
If DH won't step up, that's your cue to bow out as well.
Please note that I'm saying that DH needs to tell his sister that this is too much. He can be supportive of her telling mom " enough is enough" but he can't do that alone. They need to do this as a unit.
He KNOWS she needs more supportive care .. but taking that stance . has alluded him thus far. Tried to go there one time, w/his mom . in conversation while she was hospitalized . and she just about disowned him with her anger and told him to leave . and that's the last time it was spoken of.
I can only hope he's "getting it" finally!
His sister is worn out, . you can tell it in the household . went there to retrieve the keys to the car to haul it to the hospital. The house is messy .. (her husband . doesn't "see" such things . and take it upon himself to do anything about it, will do so if directed .. as a child would . but .. without directive . doesn't do it). The house is messy .. and cluttered (not like when MIL lives alone).
She sounds weary when she talks, . voice hoarse somewhat . just from fatigue.
At this point, if nothing else, he needs to be protective of his sister who is going to, quite literally, kill herself caring for their mom.
He needs to marshall resources
(church/social services) to confront SIL with a firm " NO, JUST NO" about this.
She .. I think . even thought she'd try it . with the dying sister in St. Louis and it landed with a big huge crater in the earth of the bomb that was . as any notion going forward.
I wish I could say with complete assurance that this latest turn of the MIL saga . has her attention . and she now realizes .. without any doubt . that she is her mom's f/t c'giver . sans her willingness to step onto the platform of getting placement ..
But I know her ..
I don't .. have any assurance she now "knows it".
I will though .. re-state as needed .. and stand firm. I'm out of it. So much I could say . but I don't even voice it . not out loud .. I'm over on the sidelines in the ditch .. and only peeking over . and then ducking again for cover.
I almost feel like, .. she is just as apt to pull the plug on it .. as she always has been.
In conversation with her .. and her telling that she'd told the SW here . about the recommendation previously .. in IL . for discharge to Rehab. But that they arrived there and found any number of sad cases . of folks debilitated, slumped over in wheelchairs .. seemingly not even with it .. not enough to even know they exist .. and that she just couldn't leave her mom there, it was too dreadful .. the whole thing.
Said the SW responded . .that may have been because her dx at that time was the mini-stroke, she was then directed to a stroke unit for Rehab and the patients there .. in varying stages of serious debilitation.
How far we've come though . that SIL herself .. now an awareness .. that she wants to go and visit a couple of those sites herself . here locally .. at the recommendation for Rehab at discharge.
Those of you who have followed, . remember well, .. that she'd been using me as a sounding board at that time, up in IL . and I encouraged/pushed/shoved, .. trying to get her to go visit what it is they are recommending. Oh she couldn't bear to leave her mom, her mom is too sad .. too despairing at any thought of discharge to rehab . she felt she had to sit bedside and hold her hand.
At least she is giving lip service, at this point, to going to visit a few sites that are recommended this time. Whether she will tear herself away from her mom's bedside, . .particularly if her mom becomes lucid enough to protest any such directive from said SW ... remains to be seen. And whether she will find in any such setting, that it is "suitable" for her mom ... also .. remains to be seen.
SIL is the one who needs to say
"Mom, I can't do this anymore".
MIL lives alone (SIL is a visitor) and cannot be forced to stay and care for her debilitated mother.
The ball is in SIL's court. DH will support her in saying no to their mom going home, now that hes seeing what you've been preaching.
Good work, Dorker. Hope your dad is improving.
Some kind of transfer bench for the bathtub . which is all the only other bathroom in her home offers. And that it was too much of a struggle for her to lift her legs up and over the tub apron.
Good GOD!
This is what someone (SIL) thinks is suitable to be calling herself "a caregiver" to her mom. To me, there are so many indicators, but this is just one more .. you are way over your head in trying to meet the needs of this frail woman ... when they can no longer safely bathe . it's past time for them to be in a setting where there are professionals to help with that. GOOD GOD!
I didn't say that to her .. I just listened. I wanted so badly to tell her that .. but .. I'm just .. I don't know . there's almost more satisfaction at this point, in zipping my lip .. and way more frustration in voicing MO . that falls on always deaf ears. I just zip it . and don't chime in.
I wanted so badly to chime in .. "...and .. what was the plan . now that you guys are back . I mean . seriously ...?!??!.... not bathing . is not gonna be a workable solution here SIL". But I didn't say it.
She went on to tell me that she has some kinda non allergenic sensitive skin wipes . and that's what they've been using to clean her mom. Uhm . sure . okay . yea!
GOOD GOD .. that's all I can say. I mean it.
That somehow you delude yourself in your notion that it saddens her too much to even approach any level of discussion about placement anywhere . and so . you'll just . as long as you can anyway . til you can't anymore . care for her yourself. AND THIS .. is what you call appropriate care?
I didn't say any of that . would've been fruitless to do so.
Nope. On the sidelines .. I will be.
And if SIL then goes and visits these Rehab sites and finds none suitable for her mom . and brings her home . .on the sidelines I will be. Yep.
And .. no . she didn't ask me to go and view the sites (likely that's because I've taken one huge leap back out of all of it) . she didn't ask me to go with her. I couldn't anyway, working the next few days.
I will be interested to hear . once they try to get her up . whether that can occur. Of course, if it can't . that's a huge game changer in it all. Can't even go to Rehab if you can't participate in Rehabbing.