I've posted before about in-law care-giving. Aged mother in law, lives in same town.
We are at the tail end of a visit from sister in law from several states away. Sister in law has been here for 3 weeks caring for her mother. A much welcome respite.
It had been discussed, prior to her arrival here on the scene, she would be talking it over with her mother, to try and get her mom to come up to her home, for a stay of maybe a few months.
This, in my opinion, is absolutely essential, as I am expecting twin grand-children, due in about 1 month (if they don't come sooner, as is the case a lot of times with multiples pregnancies). The expectant mother also lives locally here, and has a 4 year old daughter. I will be on that front, helping .. as much as is needed. And not on the front with mother in law and care-giving, and have made that as obvious and apparent as I know how to make it. It would be great if mother in law would agree to go to her daughter's home (several states away) for a period of a few months .. and allow me the latitude to put my energies where I want them to be, on my daughter who will have had a c-section .. and my grand-daughter (4 years old) and new twin babies.
Nothing doing. Mother in law has dug in her heels, and will not hear of it, going to stay with her daughter for any period of time.
What are her reasons?
In mother in law's defense ... her daughter ... I don't even know how to describe it. I will say that when her daughter comes here to visit, she all but breathes for her mother and if she could find a way to do that, she'd do that too. She is the most nervous nelly, never sit down - ever ... worry wart, do everything, all the time .. person that I've ever encountered.
A great example, as I was taking her to the airport yesterday for her departure, . I reached into the fridge to grab myself a bottled water and shut the fridge and turned to walk away, as I've done for all of my 50 plus years living on this earth .. and she said to me, "Oh make sure that fridge shut". WTH???? Like I don't know how to shut a fridge? That's just a small, very small slice of what she is ... how she is.
She is so very hyper-vigilant, seeing to every minute details down to it's finest most minuscule point, fine tooth comb, questioning every point along the way, "should we do thus and so, but maybe if we do thus and so, then such and such will happen, maybe we should do it thus and so .. but then so and so might happen, maybe we shouldn't do thus and so, but do "x" "y" and "z" instead, but if we don't do it that way then ..........", on and on and on and on it goes. And usually in hyper warp speed, as to every single friggin thing.
If her mother moans .. "what's wrong mother?, why did you moan, are you alright?".
Mother: "Yes, I'm fine, I was just sighing out loud".
Sister: "Why did you sigh? Are you hurting, are you sure you're alright, why are you sighing what's the matter?"
Mother: "For God's sake __________________, I was just sighing, .. calm down, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, .. because if something is wrong you need to tell me".
Mother: "Everything is fine, I'm fine".
Sister: "Are you sure, we did a lot yesterday, did we do too much, maybe we shouldn't of gone to two doctors in one day .. was that too much for you, are you too tired now, maybe we need to move those other doctor appointments so we won't have two in one day, is that too much for you, for one day .. is that why you were sighing .. what's wrong, are you sure you're alright".
Hopefully that kinda gives a little bit of a snapshot of what goes on when sister is in the ring directing things.
So in mother in law's defense.. I do get it, why she wouldn't be chomping at the bit to go to her daughter's home.
BUT ....
The only experience she has with her daughter, in the last years as mother in law has aged and been unable to go anywhere much, has been the daughter coming here, periodically, for periods of about 3 weeks at a stretch. When her daughter comes here, she moves heaven and earth for her mother and then some, and doesn't sit down, doesn't stop .. the WHOLE ENTIRE TIME.
Is there a possibility maybe (as I said to mother in law, when she expressed that isn't happening - talking to me - her going to her daughters .. ever) .. could it be possible that maybe if you would go to where she lives .. she'd be more busy managing her own life in that setting than your's and she would get out of your backside .. and not be as hyper-drive-vigilant as you experience in her, when she's here, could that be possible.
The daughter is retired, lives several states away. Does come here, generally, every few months .. and stays for a period of about 3 weeks at a stretch. I wish I could make a list of everything the daughter did when here this last time, but it would take up the whole character allotment:
Those got left behind . as she was now "Well" and so could wear her PJ's now.
I suggested to SIL . that M . who is actually presently residing in SIL's home while some repairs are made to the home M normally resides in .. that she have M ship those here ..
Suggestion flew right by her. Whatever.
She's .. presently .. in hospital gowns .. as she needs to be, and possibly diapers .. as I'm not sure she will have enough forethought to call for help with bedpan if needed.
Fancy Pants site .. seems to have disappeared from any radar anywhere, presently. I guess we see if she an rehab back from all this .. but .. It's doubtful in my mind that Fancy Pants was ever a viable solution in any of this. She wasn't dressing even when she was supposedly "Well".
Yes that was right of me, to allow that Church Lady go visit .. and not put a halt to that. Church lady does this . has for years . going to minister to . and befriend the sick/home/hospital bound. She's been around the block a time or two on all this. She has enough sense to excuse herself should the chitapalooza begin to fly ..
Good GOD . don't know what SIL's angle was there . would it be off-putting to MIL to see a friendly face come by for a visit? Seriously?
Good for you for standing up to SIL that way. In reality, there will never be a "good time" for anyone besides family to visit MIL and this sweet woman has probably seen it all.
Hope SIL and DH take advantage of the break.
I had to chuckle a little at the Marx Bros, version of trying to stuff MIL, he bed, and all of her possessions in the room at one time. (I can't remember the movie where the guys are all trying to get into a cruise ship stateroom--it was a little like that)
That SIL didn't even pick up on the IMPORTANCE of MIL's move (physically!) into the room and set up all the bells and whistles and continued to move in clothing and toiletries (!!!) makes one wonder if SIL is hitting on all cylinders.
MIL doesn't GET dressed. You'll be lucky to get her in a muu-muu or nice housedress before she'll be able to put on pants and a top. And the makeup and skin care? How is she going to do that since she fell whilst brushing her teeth??
I guess she expects SIL to show up eveyday and do full makeup on her. SMH.
When mother went to a sub par rehab and decided she wasn't going to stay, she was simultaneously giving me a list of things she absolutely had to have and screaming at my sister to GET HER OUT OF HERE. I dutifully went to her house and got a laundry basket full of items. Clothing, puzzles, makeup---the works. And got back to the rehab only to find she had ONE drawer and a small closet. Back to a store for hangers. Then she wants a cheeseburger and staff won't let her have one yet, so I am BACK to McD's and...well, it was insane.
Mother never, ever got "dressed". She worse caftans and housecoats only. She never did her own hair. She did try to get us to bring her better food whenever sh could.
I think that there is a feeling of "comfort" in having all their stuff near them. I don't know. Mother never associated with the other patients and only went to meals once a day. (the more posh rehab brought her meals) Her rehab was almost 12 weeks long when it should haven taken 6. Whatever.
Sounds like you shouldn't hold out a lot of hope that MIL is going to return to baseline (which wasn't that good to start). Hopefully she'll remember not to hop out of bed and she'll remember the nurse call button. That's all that really matters at this point!!
I'd'actually order or find her some muumuus online and order them for her, She could slip into one of those and most don't even have zippers, I own a couple and get teased by my kids for acting 90, but after a long day in clothes, being in nonrestrictive clothing feels wonderful.
His words: "I find myself saying things to her, instructing her, guiding her, . and knowing all the while, it's going in one ear and out the other, and not being retained".
Yep. Maybe some of it will return to her baseline .. we'll just have to see, I told him.
Got a text yesterday from church lady that she and another friend from church are going to plan on going to see MIL today at about 1 PM, . .as her note read: "So you and DH, and SIL .. all of you .. take a much needed break .. and she will have a couple of friendly smiling faces to visit her, and you won't have to worry".
I thought that a splendid plan.
Let SIL know (my goal there, so she could plan her day around the fact her mom will have a visitor at that hour .. SIL has mentioned needing to go buy some dress slacks for B .. for the funeral he'll be attending and needing to go to the UPS store to ship something . not sure what. I thought, . . well let me tell SIL . she can plan to do some of the things she's been needing to do .. and unable to because of attending to her mom).
Didn't go that way (but I don't care).
Her response: "Oh I don't know that they should visit tomorrow .. maybe give her a couple of days to get settled in this new place she's in .. maybe you should let them know they should wait a couple of days .. she's gonna have a PT eval .. she's still having to use a bedpan . she has chitapalooza still .. maybe it'd be better if they wait a couple of days".
My response to SIL: "She's aware .. I'm in touch with her, she knows there will be a new PT eval . we talked about it, . she knows that chitapalooza is at issue, and bed pans .. she has enough sense to leave the room should that be at issue and get med staff to assist . not worried about it, . I think it will be good for MIL, to have a friend visit .. I'm not gonna call her off it".
That was that.
I thought it was a splendid plan . yes .. let church lady go and visit .. .and SIL and DH both of you take a break .. and go do what you want/need to do . and I'll do the same (I have less of a problem walking away from it than do DH and SIL).
But yes - the ups and downs. It was exactly as you described for me - for my mom.
Id see her on a Friday- and barely make it back to my car before starting to sob, convinced I’d never see her alive again. Then - I’d go to visit the following Tuesday only to find her fully dressed and zipping herself around the different lounge areas in her wheelchair!
The yo-yo effect was making such a basket case out of me that - that was what prompted me to call for a hospice evaluation. I needed some professional clarity.
The time frame from the beginning of the yo-yoing until mom passed? January - August. Eight months. Just about the same as you and your mom, EmilySue.
But back to MIL...
Dorker- Mil couldn’t figure out how to answer the phone? Oh dear...
Some space-age looking device or just a plain old phone? Cause, I’m sorry to say - that doesn’t sound promising. Not at all.
The staff tied the button to the bed rail. And as mom progressed in her downward spiral, they eventually switched it out to a remote control wireless call button that she could hold in her hand, which worked for a while, but turned into a reassurance habit eventually, and she would habitually push the button over and over and over during her final month or so... I guess just by some rote habit. The staff finally had to remove the battery from it, but let her keep it. And she pushed and pushed and pushed it. (not even aware she was doing it, and surprised when they appeared and asked what she needed, replying "nothing - I'm fine.")
The call button is a rather gut-wrenching issue for me to remember... starting with her stay in the rehab/NH from April through til the end in December. :-(
Now between those points, the cognitive issues were a wild yo-yo ride! There would be very lucid days, when she was quite with it, and could work everything just fine, and I would arrive to find her dressed, sitting there in her chair, quite bright and like her old self. I would think she was rallying, only to see it return worse than before. Often it seemed directly related to various drugs she was given - anxiety medications, for example, the steroids for sure, even a new antibiotic really effected her and it was stopped. The staff told me the yo-yo'ing was very common during end stages.
Guess what I'm saying is that I don't really know if a thorough cognitive assessment much matters at this point. (unless it can somehow help with placement or medicaid?) SIL needs to let the staff see what they see, and not cover for MIL! And get those papers signed and in order. Of course, everybody is different, and I guess a slow, long decline could happen too. Or even a remarkably long steady rally. But my experience was the yo-yo, from April-December... 9 months.
Becuz truth is, MIL seems to be progressing OK for someone her age with her lifelong ailments.
SORRY, but the 2 suitcases for Rehab pretty much said it all for me: #1. Sad, desperate, totally out of place and, #2. Hilarious....Sorry.....no reflection on you, Dorker, but your recounting of that scene: I just couldn't avoid a huge "guffaw". I mean, who in the world.....Oh, right, (SIL)....Never mind....I very seriously wish you the best for the ongoing....and ongoing.....and ongoing.....that this is just the start of....
xoxo, Mina
When you are trying to manage all the things that are involved with caring for a failing loved one, every new term, dx and event is a new challenge. It gets pretty confusing sometimes. That term CHF was just a pet peeve of mine - just added to the stress.
One of those, an appt for a bone scan/density screening.
I pointed to that on the sheet of paper and said "complete utter waste of time"
Sheesh.
She will be 90 years old in November.
Bone density?
Nope. Waste of time and weighing what's important that MIL be carted to
This ain't one that's important.
I did want to say that I found the bit about MIL recounting to you about her favorite vacation stories quite funny, and it was good to hear that she still does retain some long term memories, her sense of humor and and all post surgery/anasthesia at that, though I am sure yoy have heard these stories all before ad nauseum.
Oh it'a been a long, long haul for you Dorker, but do try not to lose sight of the fact that she is someone whom you all do love very much, and it will be these happy little moments with MIL that will get you through the coming days, the next big event, and the final goodbye, so look for the bright spots to carry you through, as it is exhausting to always be feeling negative, and always looking to when the next shoe will drop, as it surely will, no doubt about it.
I'm no Psychic, but I've a feeling that the old gal isn't long for this world, just my gut instinct, and my experience with my FIL there in the end, was that as much as I had come to resent him and he drove me crazy and that I was ready for it all to be over, that I never felt closer and more protective of him.
Part of it I am sure, is that we knew he was nearing the end of his life (lung cancer on hospice in our home), that I now wanted these days to be pleasant ones for him, and now that he was now bedbound, and so completely dependant upon us, more than he had ever been, like an infant almost, plus it was Me having to take care of all of those very personal needs, bathing, toileting (the nitty and the Grity), as hubby just could not stomach this part (he was geeat in every other way though) and so it was in those moments that you find the humor and the laughter to get through it, and then with him coming from such a Dysfunctional family, I tried my best to make sure he didn't leave any unfinished business, so we had a lot of "heart to hearts" there in the end, trying to make sure his life was all wrapped up, and that the end was peaceful. We got very close in those final days.
I really hope that MIL can just get stable for a while so you can all get some rest, and while everyone's "parent care" stories are uniqe and nice to share, they don't always apply to your own situation, so take it all one step at a time, and Do look for the bright spots!
At what point does one come to the conclusion this memory loss, it's permanent?
I've been saying she is impaired and it needs to be looked into a few years now.
But what is seen presently is a whole new level of deficiency not previously seen.
Had a fire alarm of sorts tonight in that SIL tried ... several times ... called the phone in MIL's Room, no answer. Waited a while, more attempts, no answer ...SIL called here to have DH try, same result.
In the end, nurse desk called, nurse sent to check phone ... yes it works... nurse called SIL back, put MIL on phone.
MIL hadn't known how to answer the phone. This had been covered NUMEROUS times while we were there. I guess she forgot.
SIL now on the phone with her and the quizzing by MIL
"now tell me again where is that nurse button and how do I use it"
That too covered about 30x's before I left there
I guess she forgot (likely will again and again).
LO is assessed... others see how compromised they are... but the info the staff gets is still accurate. Win win.
It will also help SIL and DH (good on DH for heeding your signals) continue to see the level of decline happening here. I still think there is so much more than they realize. (When MIL was “worried about OD”, I would almost bet she was conflating time periods.)
Night all.
I'm glad DH listened to you and spoke up. The nurses and staff need to see what MIL's responses are. Hopefully this time staff will notice more when she is having trouble and be able to make a more accurate assessment in this new wing.
I'm also glad to hear that B is gonna get to go be with his family and hope he gets the chance to say goodbye to his sister before she passes.
Seems SIL has “forgotten” what MILs attire was before surgery. Or, gee I don’t even know what else to say....
Normally, medical staff will ask the patient the question and give them reasonable time to respond. If the patient can’t respond and they want a correct answer they will then look to family present either asking them or sometimes just a glance and you will know you are expected to answer.
The whole scene sounds exhausting. TWO Suitcases?!?
Were the 9 pairs of PJs ironed?
Dorker, I got annoyed just reading that! I’m sure that while the staff is used to busybodies, they still get annoyed at them!
She's gunna be on her own.
DH is there still at this hour but will be leaving soon.
Found myself getting annoyed with SIL and can't help but ponder how someone like SIL is perceived by med personnel there.
One has to bring clothing, PJ's, toiletries, etc.
Though at present MIL is gunna be relegated to the dreaded hospital gown, not her tasteful PJ's. Pack clothing? Why? She wasn't dressing in clothing even before she broke her hip. Damn sure won't be getting dressed in the next several days.
SIL with two suitcases (yes 2), two bags of toiletries, including a multitude of various soaps, body and face. Makeup... lotions and potions galore.
That wasn't the worst of it though.
MIL gets wheeled in on a gurney having been brought there via medical transport .. and so two personnel from med transport working to xfer her to the bed. A nurse, a CNA, all in this small space.
What is SIL doing? Flitting about ... opening and closing bathroom door putting away various toiletries, flitting about opening and closing the closet to put away her 4 or 5 shirt/pants ... and put away her 9 pairs of PJ's and opening and closing dresser drawers to put away socks and underwear.
She was in the way and a distraction to the biz at hand.
I even suggested to her since MIL won't be needing any of that imminently let's just leave it packed for now and stay out of their way for now. Her response: "you're probably right ...(sigh) ....nervous energy I gotta burn".
I couldn't help but wonder if the med personnel were as annoyed by all this as I was.
And then, the nurse questioning MIL"
"Any history of COPD?"
Mil: C what? What is that
Sil: no no history of COPD
Nurse: any neuropathy?
SIL jumps in, answers
Nurse: do you have CHF?
Sil: well ... not in the traditional sense .. I mean she doesn't fill up with fluid ... I think she has Diastolic so .. no not true CHF
Nurse: do you remember what brought you here?
Sil: oh she is having some memory problems ... mom .. remember you broke your hip remember
Nurse: do you know what day it is?
Sil: she isn't really very aware of date/time
By now I'm looking at DH and annoyed and mouthed to him "she needs to shut the h377 up and let them interact with MIL ... she's the patient .. they need to assess HER and HER awareness ...not SIL's ability to answer on her behalf.
At that DH called
His sister down: let her answer .. they need to see HER ability to answer questions!
I left soon after. Maybe I'm tired but I was so annoyed watching that.
She's at least participating in the conversation. Glad she's in a unit with more staff, Dorker.
So selfish!
So B will only get to St. Louis for the funeral? He won't get to see his sister before she dies?
Is SIL planning to spend the night with her mother? One whimper about being scared and SIL will be steppin' and fetchin' for MIL in Posh.
Asked YD if she'd be willing to do poochy duty when B pulls outta here and she is willing/able.
Interesting that when this was all being discussed .. MIL pipes in with: "What about my dog .. who is gonna take care of my dog?".
Not "Oh I'm so glad he'll be able to go, he needs to go". Nope.
I answered her: "We'll get it figured out, don't worry about that right now, we'll figure it out .. he isn't leaving right now".
MIL is now moved back to POSH . and in a different wing . looks like there is more staff there. How that will translate to MIL and what her needs are, .. it should prove to be helpful . but that's gonna depend on her utilizing some self-reliance .. to do so. She's gonna need to be pushing that nurse button.
She cannot yet get up to use any bedside commode, BP far too low and she feels faint when upright .. but . a bedpan is needed. So she'll have to call out for a nurse using the button ... or she won't .. and she'll lay in a soiled bed and call out for help with that, or she won't, .. and it'll be discovered . I guess . when/if they check on her.
She was doing a little better today with feeding herself and holding her cup of water . and even expressed .. "I'm so thirsty .. I just want something to drink", .. that's new . had been having to coax her and all she'd take was a baby sip or two. But now . she when prompted, "There's your water cup right there . go ahead and take it", she does so . and holds it herself and takes more than a baby sip or two .. (so many that BP will begin to come up some). She had me order her lunch from the menu and the choices were numerous but she wanted a PBJ sandwich .. (sounded good to me too, vs grilled salmon or baked chicken . just a simple PBJ. That's what I ordered for her, . and ... a bag of chips .. and she ate it herself. I cut the PBJ into quarters for her . and she held it herself and ate it . .and the bag of chips . you'd of thought she'd been given filet mignon .. she loved loved loved the potato chips.
Her short term memory is shot to h377 .. it never has been great .. of late . but it's really bad now. I don't know as the general anesthesia works it's way out of her system . maybe there will be improvement . maybe not, we'll see.
She doesn't remember being in the hospital before .. the session that sent her to Rehab where she fell . she didn't' remember being at POSH before . until reminded . didn't remember being hospitalized . just weeks back for that UTI/Diverticulitis (same hospital). Doesn't remember that at all . but also didn't, until reminded . her previous stay at POSH where she fell and broke her hip just days ago.
Doesn't .. at all . .not a bit .. remember the 911 personnel summoned to the home when she had that episode of the UTI that rendered her not responsive, that's all gone from her memory bank if it ever was there, it's gone now. Doesn't remember a thing about it.
I told SIL: "That's why she keeps insisting she can live alone in her home . she has short term memory issues . she forgets all the different calamities that occur".
(BTW . she hasn't said another word about "But I just want to go home just me and my little doggie", . haven't heard that one since this latest issue).
Glad there seems to be a plan in the works to get B outta here, to his family .. so glad that is coming together. He deserves to be able to escape this madness.
Let SIL and H take care of their mother. Maybe YD could take care of Poochy, if that is an issue.
You would be doing such a good thing for B! And you would be away from the difficulties of figuring out what's going to happen to MIL.
Go for it!
I have known I am 2nd or 3rd in my DH's list of "importants". It's been this way since about 6 months after we got married. He graduated and got his "real job" and he fell deeply in love with that and I was shuffled down the line behind the most important jobs...sometime I joke I am not even in the top 10.
Yeah, it hurts, but I am capable of keeping myself busy and content. I don't think B is. He NEEDS someone to say "OK, this is what we;re doing" and he;d probably be thrilled to have the chance to do something SIL hadn't machinated.
I know you aren't super close to him, but it kind of seems like you are the obvious escort. Goodness knows YOU need the break and it might be good for DH and SIL to work out all these little bumps and hiccups and you won't have to deal with them. Heck, even tho this is a sad situation, it could prove to be a bonding time with B and even a little break you really need.
I have found, in my many, many times as a CG that I really, really needed to get out everyday--which was never possible--but at least 3 times a week-just escape from DH and his incessant complaining. He's never compliant in his care, so it takes a lot longer. A trip to one of the kids' homes would have been lovely.
Think about it-but you'd have to act quickly.
Then sitting up and taking of BP is normal therapy--they have them lie down, take the BP, sit them up, take it again until it's "normal" and then they stand them up and do the same. It'shard on the patient, but gives the PT a baseline of where the pt is. I'm doubtful MIL will ever walk w/o a walker every again. Not a single step. That's sad.
If SIL asks .. I'd tell her she's nuts . .she needs to go home . but I just make sympathetic noises, . that's about my input as SIL describes how tired to the bone she is .. and she is.
BUT .. she has a choice . she can tell her mom no . that she needs to get her rest also. So be it.
DH .. I don't know if he'd sign on for o'nite duty on any routine basis.
I'll have to look when we get to POSH . .. I don't remember seeing that there are accommodations in place for o'nite visitors there. But I didn't look. Sure the typical hospital recliner chair is there . but .. at the hospital there is a big long bench thing that folds out into a bed .. I know that doesn't exist at POSH.
I'm not opposed at all, to o'nite stays .. in the case of .. let's say Hospice is telling you that death is imminent and you don't want your LO to die alone. Absolutely .. I'm all for it.
But . staying there because she's "Scared" . because she doesn't eat . because she has to be spoon fed, . because she doesn't think to drink .. because she'll try to get up .. and any other number of things .. it's MO . that needs to be addressed by staff . .and absent the need to do so .. because family is there to attend to it .. is .. IMO .. a bunch of hogwash.
Thus .. no one is gonna campaign me into the o'nite stay.
Yep . this place, POSH .. at least what I saw of it .. (maybe there's a different wing and I'll find that out today) but what I saw of POSH . it's the assumption there the person only needs straight rehab . and so .. they are there, firing on all cylinders mentally and can attend to that on their own, and/or call for help.
So, my experience, the staffing not there to address all the above. And so she needs a SNF/Rehab site .. but that won't be seen as long as family is hopping to the beat of all the need.
So be it.
I think M did jerk her mom's chain on all this over-the-top . but doesn't sound like it had a lot of impact .. SIL gunna do what SIL is gunna do.
I also hope that B is not refusing to go to St. Louis because of Poochy care. !!!!!
I think you are right in supposing that SIL may bring a bedroll and stay with MIL 24/7. MIL will try to get up when she shouldn't, can't remember to hydrate, has to be spoon-fed, can't remember to do PT exercises, the staff doesn't respond quick enough, and is "scared" to be alone at night.
Is SIL going to be able to get your H to also do the overnights? He did one, yes, but do you really think he's going to be willing to share overnight duty with his sister on a consistent basis?
I hope the transfer to posh rehab goes well today.
The thought occurred to me...is there any chance that MIL is "playing" SIL and acting more helpless than she actually is? Was that, "I'm scared!" part of it? MIL can just say that every night and SIL will be staying there. (And then SIL will make herself sick again.)
The path to least resistance.
But ..
With her, the recommendation .. here's your bed/leg exercises do those every couple of hours .. that's gone out of her mind as soon as it's said. She doesn't remember to do so unless prompted .. and even then . .as evidenced by SIL's earlier phone call, . it's a struggle to get her to cooperate (not at all what I witnessed . no struggle when PT guy was there, but whatever). She doesn't take that little cup that sits there on her tray with a straw in it, in remembering . it's important I keep drinking here, so I don't dehydrate .. nope . has to be prompted .. and there is no staff there that's gonna attend to that.
For now, she has to use a bedpan .. as her BP is far too low to be getting up ..
Will she remember to call out for a nurse to come with a bedpan? Doubtful.
We know she's not eating . not much .. even when spoon fed .. and my guess .. if no one was there to spoon feed, prompt .. it would sit there getting cold .. the food. Doesn't dawn on her to even try .
I dunno... is SIL gonna move into the rehab and bring a bed roll with her, to attend to her 24/7? I guess we'll see.
Personally, it seems to me the hospital should keep her until BM's stabilize .. until BP stabilizes .. and until she can "get up" .. but I don't guess that's the state of healthcare these days. "X" number of days are allotted for "X" procedure and that's that. So be it.