Is there was a thread or support discussion for caregivers who care for private clients, not their family?

Veronica .. ain't THAT the truth? Sometimes I've written these really lonngggg missives and they vanish .. only to realize that I'd written for my benefit and it was all good, lol.

Hello all. Ive surrendered to the fact that this situation will not change. So Im basically asking for tips on coping until I can find a better living situation. I hope you dont mind me venting though, because that is the only way I can cope so feel free to skip over this ... Ive mentioned before, if I were the person paying our weekday caregiver she would have been gone a long time ago. Ive held many jobs. Ive also been a personal assistant. I have never been permitted to behave the way this woman behaves on a daily basis. She and the weekend caregiver are friends so she feels she is the one who should be telling the weekend caregiver what to do. Not only that but she calls her to gossip about us while she is in our home. Our weekday caregiver and I had a heart to heart. I expressed how much I and the entire family appreciates her. We even discussed our different backgrounds growing up. She has been on her own for many years whereas I remained at home until I got married. I thought we had reached a place of understanding. Much to my dismay she took my conversation to the weekend HHA, flipping the story around saying something to the effect of Im embarassed because I dont know how to do anything...and that she should be paid extra for the things she is doing ...I felt sick to my stomach. I have given this woman so many chances. She thinks nothing of coming in late without calling, leaving early and bringing her child to work. I guess our family works for her. How lovely.

I work from home and its all very distracting and disruptive. Its clear she wants me gone and she will soon get her wish.

TooMuch .. if your family is so unsupportive of your needs, they obviously don't really want your help. So, as you say, surrender to the moment and stop trying to 'fix' stuff.

I live with another caregiver in the home of our friend/client. For the first two years, I thrashed and beat my head on the wall over the differences between the two of us caregivers. Much of which had to do with some personal ethics. I threatened to leave, I tried negotiation. Nothing worked. My personal commitment is to see Edna through to the end .. whatever it takes. And what that took was sacrificing my ethics about HER behavior/tactics. I just gave it up to the universe and stopped the fighting. You'll have to do the same until you find another situation. Just grin and bear it.

It's. Not. Worth. The. Fight.

Not if you don't have someone else in your corner. Make another commitment with yourself .. to get out. Set a date, and tell everyone. You're leaving on such-and-such. And spend the rest of the time getting there. You'll find it, because you're determined to do it. And, meanwhile, if you're hanging onto any guilt, let it go. You've done your best and your first commitment is to you and your children. Don't worry about the caregiver 'winning' .. it's not your concern, and in the long run, who really cares?

The bottom line is: how you feel and react is a choice, believe it or not. Draw an imaginary line in the sand of your feelings and step over it. It IS that easy. Been there, done that. And when the 'stories' start spinning in your head, SHUT them DOWN. Distract yourself with something else, anything else.

Wishing you the very best with it.
LadeeC

Thanks Ladee C.