Dining out, behavior and manners.

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My hubby eats like there is someone going to take away his food...when we go out to a buffet it is fine..I can get mine he and get his...and he knows..he can go back..When we go out to a reg dinner...he eats his meal so fast and stares at mine...finally I give in and let him eat my meal...what is left of it...it seems he has an appetite that is horrid...today he had his fish dinner with cole slaw and Ffrys..I had Oyster dinner and we had ordered 6 hard crabs...I got one Oyster...cause his dinner came first...and then he wanted mine...I gave it knowing the crabs were coming...when they came he was still eating the oyster for a MINUTE...then he had me picking crab meat for him and all the time SAYING I shouldn't be eating this cause you like it so much better than I do...then he said..GIVE ME THE CLAWS...give me the backfin....then I ordered 6 more...thinking I could finally have something...and he ate all that...with me getting in some FINS to squeeze the meat out of...and parts of the body of the crab...I kept saying to myself...be a good Christian...you know he is ill...just let him have it....so I did...I think I could have ordered 20 meals..and not go one to eat....he is doing this all the time now...I don't really like going to the buffet and I like crabs...but I don't like picking them for him...or for anyone ...LOL...and we are not rich where he can eat 3 or 4 dinners just cause I am still eating...Talking does not good...I do ask him to mind his manners before we go in...but then I look and he is SHOVELING what seems like a HEAD of BROCCOLI in his face ...and trying to eat Chicken and it falling from his mouth....I eat Sushi...and that is what I get...he does not like it..so I can at least eat my entire sushi roll...LOL

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LOL, No he is not bankrupting the buffet...and at home I cook healthy..and he eats that...and everything in between too.....he buys small pies and eats them..we live close to McDonalds and he will walk over and get what he wants...I cannot control his food..he eats bowls of cereal, and a whole cantaloupe, and he will not share it....he will make eggs and toast and sausage..he has gone from a 38 to a 42 in just a few weeks...when we shop for clothes he want to buy 38....and I tell him they will not fit and hold them up to him...and show him....and he will go find the 42..but he is about to bust out of a 42 now...and he is still trying to wear the large shirts and the buttons are closed but the skin shows in between the button holes..he is a diabetic...and his sugar is out of control....He used to really be on the ball and watch his weight and his diabetes...but it is hard for me to even get him to test it once a week now...The folks at the buffet don't mind him a bit...and I am glad to get a dinner..I tried the humor...this is my nature to joke and kid and have fun...but the humor is LOST on him....he takes anything funny as an insult...when it comes to FOOD...he don't want to play...LOLOL...if I did not give it to him...he will order another plate...after he ate a fish dinner and my oyster dinner...he wanted to order a shrimp dinner...his belly was the SIZE of a basket ball....now it is 2 basket balls.. with diverticulitis...a condition with pockets in then intestines and bowels...I am trying to keep him alive and well with out any reactions from these two diseases...along with his heart and high blood pressure..he has a sister in a nursing home..who is in the last stages .....it is horrid...to see anyone like this....and I do not want to aggravate his condition bye causing stress about his eating, his bathing, shaving ...ect.......I am doing my best to keep him from slipping further away....when we go grocery shopping he fills the cart up with things he loves....so I can cook healthy...but he is always going after something a few minutes after eating a meal....I think he forget he eats sometimes...He knows something is wrong...cause he brought me the check book to make out the check...and he sign it...Even though it is in both our names..he has always done all of the book work and paying household bills...but since he has been writing over the amounts...WAY OVER....cause he could not remember how to spell SEVEN...but he could remember TWELVE......so he thought it was alright to send 1200.00 dollars to the insurance company...LAWD...and other things..not being able to add 3.00 instead adding 30.00 for a tip...so now we use cash...and he wants to flash that around....I just cannot win...he has no scene of humor it is rare I get a laugh...but I do try to make him laugh and every now and then he will laugh...but not over FOOD...LOL...he is serious as a heart attack...about his meals....The only way to get him from the kitchen is to try to get him envoloved in weed wacking the yard...and he will take a chair and go sit in the shade instead....he says he does not want to weed wack...so I will do that too..I now Ride the lawn tractor to cut the grass...for the last 5 years, and pull all the weeds and use PREEN to keep them down...and weed wack..every now and then he will come over and take the weed wacker...and do it....he can still put the pool cleaner in the pool and skim the pool and clean the basket out....he can paint and there are still a lot of GOOD DAYS...and I try to choose these days to go out....but things can change in a minute...it takes longer to get OUT of the FOOD LION...cause he wants to set his eyeball on everything on the shelf...in whatever row we are on...it is something in his mind that says he has to memorize the shelves...LAWD...I have to say..come along now...this BUS is leaving...he says I got to eyeball this shelf...LOLOL then I say...well you know the way home...have a nice JOG LOL that will get him to catch up with me.....I took him to work with me today...and he was able to help..with some small chores..and I Packed us a lunch....He wanted Chicken pot pie..Yogurt and a banana and water...I got a Smart ones high fiber Lasagna, yogurt and water...He was looking at mine...but he could not have it cause of the high fiber...it really works on him....but I could tell he was sad...we use the microwave at work it is small and it cooks one at a time..by time mine was coming out..his was almost gone....he sat staring at his empty bowl...I offered him mine and he read the box...and said..NO ..NO..I can't do that kind...REMEMBER ...LOLOL....YES I DO remember..this is why I bought it..so I could have a lunch.....He is up to 240 pounds... he has gained 20 pounds since May/June....we are both foodies...and LOVE to eat...I am over weight too...but I am dieting to take it off....It is hard for me to help me....he is a grown man...but my friends and family and his family look to me to take care of him..and they act like I am spoon feeding him and making him fat...one of his sisters is MAD AS HELL at me...cause he is gaining weight ....I told her she can come and get him and keep him on a diet if she thinks she can.....and bring him back in a month with directions on how to keep him this way.....LOLOL She told me ..my husband was NOT my personal property and that he was a father, brother, uncle, and grand father...and that I needed to THINK about all these PEOPLE while he is in my care.......I said...IN MY HOUSE...it is ONLY me and my husband....these people that LOVE him and CARE about him so much...never call unless it is a birthday or holiday....they never visit him....or send a card, so WHILE I am thinking of all these folks Leo belongs too....or is a part of....LET them KNOW the CLUB HOUSE DOOR IS OPEN....and they can come JOIN US anytime....I can use all the help I can get!!!!! LOL
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I wonder if a little humor would work. Like "You touch my shrimp, buster, and there will be war." Threaten with your fork. A little lighthearted banter might keep him from scarfing down your food and help keep his weight down.

Your story made me think of my brother. His wife keeps him on a healthy diet at home, so when he goes out, he pigs out. He is like a kid at the candy store consuming all things normally denied to him. Maybe it is what your husband is doing. I don't see any harm if he can keep his weight in check and he doesn't bankrupt the buffets you go to.
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Leo is gaining weight...his shirts are buttoned..but the buttons are popping a bit...I try to get him to focus on his diet when we are at home...I make herbalife shakes..for us both...but I found he was putting them down the sink..or hiding the glass and me finding it later...these shakes are expensive..but healthy for us both and they do curb the appetite...At home I make Light meals..with lots of veggies...I use Zucchini for noodles, and tomatoes, cottage cheese and layer it and it makes a lasagna for healthy meals..I use turkey sausage, and ground turkey...I remind him to take his blood sugar...but LAWD...it is hard...at home I make meals like Cabbage and carrots and onions and season it with smokehouse maple...this way it has a ham flavor without the calories..and I make chili with Turkey...but When we go to the store..he buys Turkey Pot pies and he is so happy with his accomplishment that he found what he likes...that I cannot say no..I try to hide them in the bottom of the freezer...but he finds them...sometimes I try to get back to the freezer section or drop them off in another freezer section in the store..I hate to do that...causing more work for FL...but..his weight gain is bad...he loves to go out...and what he tells me...HE earned the MONEY....38 years in the Navy....and he is GOING to LIVE before he dies....and IF I will not take him where he wants to go..out to dinner and such...he will drive his self and find someone who will take him....AND in this rural town.....there are LOTS of odd things that happen....who knows..it could happen...LOLOLOL On the CAT ...pulling the dish away.....this happens all the time...we went out today to have fried chicken and FF...I got my Thigh...and he at..2 breast...2 legs, 1 thigh and 2 wings..and a order of Fries..I got 3 ffries....I sit and Wait and watch him suck the bones dry....he enjoys his food immensely, We live on the Virginia side of the Eastern Shore..very rural...and there is only one place that has a salad bar....and you can order a meal...the only thing is..the salad bar is beautiful and great...but...the meals are not so fantastic.. The things he will not eat if I order are Sushi...and soft crabs, and clams...I took my mom out to dinner...with us a while back...and he stared at her food ...she is so little and tiny and rarely gets out....but he made her feel so uncomfortable..she offered her meal to him..and HE TOOK IT....I was so upset..I was so glad I had ordered a large dinner..*I KNEW he would EAT most of it...but I shared it with Mom and we ate it QUICK.....lol...We are going to try the CRABS again...he cannot pick the body..but he can work on the legs pretty good...so I am going to take him back again to this place...and let the lady know....to bring it all out at the same time......and get him some steamed Shrimp....Yes Leo makes me chuckle too..today with chicken grease on his face hands and Me going for more towels....If we all went out to dinner...he will stare at food...while he is eating his own,.he is keeping a close eye on yours...My son said....dad..slow down..no one is going to take your food from you...he said I know...but your mommie is gonna eat all hers if I take my time...and She likes sharing with me...when I am done....LOLOLOL My son just looks at me....There is nothing I can do .....There is a new place we can try ...called fairgrounds ...and it is on Fairgrounds road...I will have to check prices...we have a happy buffet we go to...and to me all the food taste alike...so I get sushi..and he gets the buffet...but he eats plate after plate...I am done after 2 sushi rolls..so I eat slow...but.....I WAIT...WAIT...and I do not have a clue where he puts it.....It is NOT good for his health...and if I say anything to him at all....HE CALLS our SONS...our STEP SONS and says...I AM BEING MEAN TO HIM....and they make a big deal out of...and want POA over him...they do not understand....cause they are 6 hours away....so I just go along to get along..If I try to GET him to go to a doctor for this..he objects...and the doctor said she cannot treat him against his wishes..The boys..do not think it is dementia...they are 30 and 32...they do not want to admit there dad is ill...and I understand that..but it is no help to me....and there is a lot to do around a home...inside and out.....all by myself most time...on Good days..he can help..bad days..I do not ask....I am no longer fighting..angry or mad at life..like I was...hurting everyday cause he is not the same...I just try to take one day at a time now...and try to keep my mind off tomorrow..!!!
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Sherry, good heavens, I can just picture what is going on at your table.

I do have to chuckle, it reminded me of my male cat who use to pull the dish out from under the female cat who was trying to eat.... and every time she try again to eat, he would do it again.... eventually that dish wound up on the other side of kitchen :)

I guess you best bet is to order something you know your hubby doesn't care to eat.
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What is this excessive eating doing to his weight and health? Is that a concern, too?

How is his eating behavior at home?

Dementia can have very weird effects on appetite and also on metabolism. Discuss your husband's eating with his doctor and see if there is any medical intervention for this.

Is he capable of picking his own crabs? That would surely slow him down a bit.

A restaurant I like has a buffet salad bar and the rest of the meal from a menu. That might be ideal for you two. He could finish his meal and go back to the salad bar as much as he liked while you finished your meal. Are there any places like that in your area?

Meanwhile, you deserve some pleasant meals on your own. Can you arrange care for him at mealtime? If he could go to an adult day care center a few days a week you could have a lovely lunch on your own or with a friend.
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