I am full-time caregiver with companion 3 days a week so I can get out of the house.
My 2 sisters are very rude and act as if I am the hired help and had all but taken over our home. Loud TV, constant bickering between them and other issues caused us to set down visting time limits so we can have a little peace in our house at the end of a busy day. DH has had it with their lack of respect for what I am doing, not mention the no help they offer and the lack of long range planning and team work. I've tried to have meetings with them on all these issues but can only communicate via text or email in order to avoid the bawling and squalling they do. They do not want to face or deal with our Mother's failing health.
Both think Mother is going to have a miracle recovery and go back to taking care of her own home. This was our goal 18 months ago but failing health leaves her unable to care for herself at all. She is in a wheelchair, incontinent and can only stand for a few seconds with a walker dispite months of PT. Taking care of Mother has not been a problem; she is bright and alert and DH and I enjoy having her around...it is the sisters creating problems. DH says this is more than one person can handle 24/7 and he certainly didn't realize that I would be giving up my life while my sisters run around doing whatever they want. I must admit it has been a major lifestyle change for us.
Has anyone else faced this kind of problem and how was it resolved. I hate that Mother will go to a nursing home but my first concern has to be to my mental/physical health and that of my husband. Sisters are long divorced, no childred and have no concept of how a real family works.
I don't know if some of your comments were directed at me aka suze????? I hope I helped, if not I am so glad that the hoyer lift is working well for you. I think its a dream machine after watching my friend and her mother and caregiver move a 200 lb man from bed to wheel chair to porta potty. More good luck to you.
By 'procedure' do you mean a feeding tube? Then the fast track called comfort care?
Ending ones life in this manner should be done with everyone involved having a clear understanding of what will take place.
Unfortunately as of late many times it is being taken out of the families control and the decisions are being made by the health care system and a group of doctors.Welcome to our cold new world.
I fought for my mother for 7 years (POA) but "they" won this past January.
The opposite would be what I experienced in my family. It is a long, sad and shocking story, concerning my mother's treatment and care for early dimentia & a lack of eating (starving to death) while "temporarily" rehabing in a NH. My brother and sister and I let it be known how we felt about a specific health care procedure. Bro & sis were opposed to the procedure (my sister adamantly opposed), my father said he didn't understand and therefore didn't have an opinion yet, and I was not opposed to considering the procedure as an option. Those thoughts were expressed only once in a very brief conversation (my mother excluded). Weeks later, without a family discussion, further information gathering or warning, my sister started the ball rolling in making sure the procedure was not done...that her wishes were carried out. My father, who was heavily influenced by her sales pitch & manipulation, reluctantly went along with my sister's wishes. I didn't learn about their secretive decision making and informing medical personnel that the procedure was not to be done, until months later. My mother never returned home from "temporary" rehab. She died a week-and-a-half after my sister started her secret campaign to make sure the procedure was not done. IMO my mother didn't have to die when & where she did or how she did. That was my sister's doing, due to her uninformed and biased, self centered views...behind the scenes...in the shadows.
My mistake was not realizing how motivated my sister was in getting her way. If she had been more openly vocal about her feelings and sooner, my red flag would have gone up. But, since she kept her mouth shut to me (her opponent), I had no idea she would go to such lengths to make sure her desires were realized. I was out manuevered.
So, it could actually be a blessing (in a weird way) that littletonway's sisters are so expressive.with their opinions. They probably couldn't keep anything a secret from the rest of the family, including the important stuff.
Perfect ! Exactly what many of them did for us through our whole childhood and the reason I could never turn my back on her and walk away in her time of need.Believe me she knew her son was with her every day until she passed away 6 months ago even though she was end stage Alzheimers and couldn't talk for the past few years.
hoyer lifts work great; just gotta get used to working with it
LIttletonway, doesnt your Mom know they are crying or upset? Thats just wrong and they need to make Mom feel good, not depressed, geesh how sad. My Mom doesnt even know me or my siblings but she knows the love around her, touch and singing to her is her life now, along with eating! lol
Oh, and occasionally she will mutter out my name and surprise me!
I am sad but I won't be taken advantage of. So i guess my brother will be on here saying what a sorry person I am. Because they will reap what they sow. I have offered and they treat me as if I were a child.
So sometimes I do have to wonder if the person taking care of parent is really sharing with the other siblings, asking for help and making them feel part of the parent's life. I don't know. I just see what is happening in my family and how it will be perceived. Makes me sad.
Several days later I get a call ,my mom fell and broke her femur. We were
devastated. We have learned several things over the past years. We become
our families caregivers because we are a special breed of person. If family
members offer help,get it in writing because most of the times it never happens.
If you as the caregiver need any type of emotional or financial help look it is there. Finally, if you need to place a loved one in a facility
don't feel guilty, you were there for them. Do your homework on them
and negotiate the price.
what to do. The three of us sat down deciding what we should do with mom. My
sister and brother were to busy to deal with it. My wife and I , thats right I am her son, asked my mom to move in. It was very difficult asking my wife to take this life altering change on especially we have just become empty nesters.
My wifes answer was we are family. When I approached my sister and brother
with our decision they both said we will give you all the help that is needed. Well here it is years later ,and guess what no help at all. As a matter of fact
my sister has not seen our mom in years. My brother at first gave some help
to us when it was convienent to him and his family. Now here is the thing,one lives 45 mins. away and the other lives 15mins. away.
My mom is 92 yrs old. My wlfe and I had not taken a vacation since she moved in because we did not want to leave her by herself. After talking to my mom to see if it was ok with her and she agreed.we put her into respite. The
respite stay was in an assisted living community. We chose them because
they evaluate people before entering. They gave her a great room by
the nurses station so she wouid never be alone. My mom was both wophysically
and mentally healthy but as the only caregivers we needed a break. T days later we get a call from the