Difficult family dynamics forcing decision to move Mother from our home to NH. Mother has been with DH and I for over a year.

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I am full-time caregiver with companion 3 days a week so I can get out of the house.

My 2 sisters are very rude and act as if I am the hired help and had all but taken over our home. Loud TV, constant bickering between them and other issues caused us to set down visting time limits so we can have a little peace in our house at the end of a busy day. DH has had it with their lack of respect for what I am doing, not mention the no help they offer and the lack of long range planning and team work. I've tried to have meetings with them on all these issues but can only communicate via text or email in order to avoid the bawling and squalling they do. They do not want to face or deal with our Mother's failing health.

Both think Mother is going to have a miracle recovery and go back to taking care of her own home. This was our goal 18 months ago but failing health leaves her unable to care for herself at all. She is in a wheelchair, incontinent and can only stand for a few seconds with a walker dispite months of PT. Taking care of Mother has not been a problem; she is bright and alert and DH and I enjoy having her around...it is the sisters creating problems. DH says this is more than one person can handle 24/7 and he certainly didn't realize that I would be giving up my life while my sisters run around doing whatever they want. I must admit it has been a major lifestyle change for us.

Has anyone else faced this kind of problem and how was it resolved. I hate that Mother will go to a nursing home but my first concern has to be to my mental/physical health and that of my husband. Sisters are long divorced, no childred and have no concept of how a real family works.

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Thank you Only1of3, wish siblings appreciated us, lol. Littleton, I ordered the hospital bed. I have an electric bed now that I can put the head and feet up and I love it, but it doesnt come up high, straight and flat to roll her so I am told this is a good thing. I also have to pay the up charge to not get a crank on the end for this. I cannot convince my Mom of things as she is late stages severe dementia and doesnt understand , she doesnt even know she is in a hoyer. Thanks!
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I have much respect and admiration for all of you, especially you that also have such physical chores to aid/assist your parents. And you write about it with such positive attitudes. It has to be done so you do it. You are all such good people. God bless you.
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A fully electric hospital bed is a must. Mother resisted it but I convinced her it would be easier for her to get to the wheel chair and she likes having her head inclined. We used large wedge pillow prior to the hospital bed for inclinbg head and feet. It is an upcharge of $35.oo per month that is not paid by medicare. We do not have hoyer, Mom can still pull herself up with walker and my help and then just turn to sit on potty, wheelchair or onto sofa. The electric bed is a big help for my back..not so much bending over.
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Littletonway, thank you. Do you wash your mom in bed or ? Put her in the hoyer sling from bed with diaper on? Bring her back naked in hoyer? You are helping me, I hope you dont mind me asking. Here is my routine . I pull mom up out of bed by lifting because I dont want to put the hoyer under her when she is leaking urine.(Plus it kills my back to try and roll a large resistant woman to put the hoyer sling under her) Then I wheelchair her into the bathroom, I lift her again onto toilet to bathe her (she normally has her BM when on toilet). I have her hold onto a bar we put up with one hand (only one hand works) ,up and down to quickly pull up her pants with her sitting inbetween seconds as she also cannot stand more than a second IF THAT. Then I need to lift her again and place her back in wheelchair on sling. After breakfast I hoyer her into her recliner and back out later for bathroom time again. I then lift on and off toilet again. Then back into wheelchair, out to kitchen for supper, pills and singing time, then bathroom AGAIN, and then hoyer her into bed. If you can help me avoid lifting you will be my saint. My arms are aching and trying to turn her in bed to change her or put the sling on caused my back to hurt yesterday. I think I need a hospital bed, thats next. Thank you and sorry to use someone elses's posting to ask you. Love all ideas!!!!
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I remove Mother's diaper/pants while she is still in bed. Then replace them when she is back in bed. My Mother is unable to stand more than a very few second with support.
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Not exactly, How do I get her pants up and diaper on without standing her?
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Part of the hoyer has two nets the LO can sit on and be lifted; one of them should have a hole in it for transport to the porta potty; the 2nd net would not have ahole. So you have to roll the patient to one side then the other to get the net with the hole under them...Does that answer your question?
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suzmarie, yes thank you. I do need help with one thing if your friend can answer it thou. When I hoyer my Mom into her wheelchair, I have to still lift her on and off the toilet. If I used a commode in the bedroom and hoyered her onto that, do I put the hoyer sling on her waist-down naked. and how do I get her pants back on? Any help out there, I am lost as to how to do this when a person still uses the toilet and cannot walk. Thanks!
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The lever; i think you just have to practice doing it slowly.....with practice i'm sure yu will get it. I saw my neighbors caregiver do it all the time and she just pressed or lifted, whatever she did, gently.
I don't know if some of your comments were directed at me aka suze????? I hope I helped, if not I am so glad that the hoyer lift is working well for you. I think its a dream machine after watching my friend and her mother and caregiver move a 200 lb man from bed to wheel chair to porta potty. More good luck to you.
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Yay reverseroles! I'm hanging in there too, but somedays it is just TOUGH! I try to keep my eye on the light at the end of the tunnel and know that someday I will be so glad that I did all that I could. My mother is fully alert and mobile, but can be a little dark cloud floating around my house if you know what I mean? I think they'll be able to use me in the CIA when this is all over with cause I won't crack or at least they won't know I have! LOL!
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