Didn't realize I was so burned out.


After 28 months of having Mom live with us, she has now been able to move to Assisted Living. Thanks to a sister (my aunt) who is loaning her money until the VA benefit claim is approved, Mom now lives in a facility 2 hours way from me and surrounded by the rest of her family – 3 kids, 2 sisters, and friends. This week has been a roller coaster ride as the details were worked out and we moved Mom over.

And now that she is gone, I’m realizing how burned out and depleted I am. And angry, too, apparently. Taking care of her was very hard since she didn’t take charge of her life and allowed me to do so much for her. Even little things became big issues for me – not using a cane but insisting on using my arm whenever we went anywhere at all. Now she HAS to walk around by herself. And is fully capable of doing so. I feel used. And mad at myself for not insisting she walk on her own. That is just one example of the many little things that happened.

I know in my head that I will get over it – my sister said she went through the same thing after having Mom with them for 7 months. But right now, I don’t want to have anything to do with the “take care of Mom” project.

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God bless you, Crinkle, if I could bring you champagne, I would, and a hot tub.

Glad you will now have respite. When we feel resentful, it is often because we have not set boundaries. This is so important for us as caregivers. When you visit her, you will now be able to say you will walk beside her while she uses her cane. Sometimes the elderly are manipulative. You've done your part in her care.... and did your best. Kudos to your aunt for helping you all out!

Congratulations on getting her moved. Life can settle down to normal now. I don't know what the resistance is to using canes. I can't get mine to use one, either. I hope you can remember the mother she used to be now that you don't have to do so much for her. Two hours is quite a long trip, so I know you won't be able to visit often. I know she'll enjoy the rest of the family visiting now that she's close to them. I think you've earned an "atta girl" after 28 months.