I have posted on here many times and answered questions every now and then. Dad passed away Oct 7th 2013 from Liver Cancer . He was in a hospice facility for 11 days until he died. The day before he was admitted he was in the hospital and was talking,eating and very clear headed but his ammonia levels were high and he had been very combative, not eating and wouldn't take his meds for 4 days at his nursing home. ( He was in for a Psych Evaluation.) The hospice worker talked to me about admitting him instead of returning to the nursing home. I agreed to this and arrangements were made. He was transferred later that day and was alert and in good spirits. The next morning he was unresponsive and stayed that way until he passed. They gave him morphine and ativan around the clock. He never got any water but they did cleanse his mouth and moisten it with swabs. It seemed like he could hear me the first few days because I would shake his shoulder and say "dad". His eyes seemed to be moving under his eyelids and his mouth would move slightly. I did ask about them lowering his dosages so he could wake up a little. The nurse said he was getting a very small dosage already. I just wonder if the drugs made him unresponsive and if less was used he could have ate and drank and lived longer. I know it was time for him to go but I'm kinda puzzled about his going from complete alertness and straight into unresponsiveness so quick. The nurses did a Great job. I myself don't know how they do it. They treated dad like he was their baby. So gentle and compassionate. I was just wondering if anyone else had the feeling that death felt a little rushed once their loved one was placed in Hospice.
It may help people to go to their website and read it's purpose. Many of us have never actually seen or experienced the way a person dies. As I've written before, death is not easy.
To Jimmyswife - your husband has passed. It's time to grieve, not wonder. Sometimes I believe we sit in our homes and wonder a lot. We go over the "We should have's', "Why didn't we' and the whole nine yards. Death is part of life. Until we really understand this, really inculcate this in our minds, we will always wonder what would have happened IF.
I don't believe your husband would have wanted this. He would want you to see he is now out of pain, he didn't have to suffer for long, etc.
I know this sounds rude and not empathetic, but I do know the pain. There are stages of grief. Please look them up.
We've gotten to a point where we as a people think we are invincible and medicine will keep us alive because it has so far. We believe others die, not ourselves. We're always shocked when it happens to someone very close to us because they weren't supposed to die 'so young', 'so quickly', whatever.
Please, don't beat yourself up over this. Take all the time you need to grieve your husband's death but remember to get back to living your life.
Doctor's have a pretty good idea as to how long a patient has. Yes, there are some (very few) who beat the odds.
Please take care of yourself and those around you who are grieving, too. At some point, we all die. Hopefully, we all die well, not hooked up to machines that are trying to keep us alive.
It sounds as though the hospice was a good one and they have grief counciling available usually for 13 months so try and attend as soon as you feel able. You will meet with other people and will find it helps to share your loss and cry together. Many people make lasting friends through these groups and stay in touch for many years to come. Lots of posters here have gone through such sad losses and you ar free to send a personal message to an individual if you have a question you do not want to share with the whole forum. they will be able to share their experiences and advise.
Blessings
There was no option of staying in the hospital.
Put me in the camp who isn't a fan of hospice. The woman who met my dad and myself sat us down in the hospital TV lounge, I asked "can't we go somewhere else"(there were dozens of empty rooms) she didn't even check and talked to us like we were buying car insurance. I am sitting there losing it, in front of strangers and a blaring TV.
While the place looked nice, with French doors and fancy pillows, the care was not good. Nothing was communicated to us, nurse was very rude. I walked in the day before my mom died and she just said to me "your mom was spitting up blood" and kept walking....WTF?
When my mother passed the woman who called just said "this is Debbie from hospice your mother is dead"....just like that. We had just left her about 2 hours before.
I filed a complaint with the state and they did an onsite investigation, and guess what? They found violations in regards to rules and care. Too late for our family, but I hope it helped others.
"maseiloj,Hospice care is end-of-life care. A team of health care professionals and volunteers provides it. They give medical, psychological, and spiritual support. The goal of the care is to help people who are dying have peace, comfort, and dignity. The caregivers try to control pain and other symptoms so a person can remain as alert and comfortable as possible. Hospice programs also provide services to support a patient's family.
Usually, a hospice patient is expected to live 6 months or less."
Here is another explanations of eligibility:
"n order to be eligible to elect hospice care under Medicare, an individual must be entitled to Part A of Medicare and certified as being terminally ill by a physician and having a prognosis of 6 months or less if the disease runs its normal course."
Who paid for your father's hospice care? If it was Medicare, your father had to have been certified as terminally ill with a life expectancy of six months or less. I am sorry if this was not clear to you at the time. The fact that your father did die so soon after going on hospice tends to confirm that he was, indeed, terminally ill.
If some other source paid for hospice care, then perhaps the rules are different. Can you tell us whether Medicare covered that care? If not, who did? We learn from each other and I've never heard of hospice covered by some other funding source. So I'm interested in learning.