Share I've spent the last week and a half trying to help Dad adjust to life with one hand after his (what they think) small stroke.

Surprisingly, he's handling things well considering. He even became my hero again for a brief moment. We weren't allowed to cry in public in my house. One tear and Dad would tell me to "SHUT UP! Crying over the spilled milk ain't going to clean it up", so when I finally broke down over everything that's going on, he told me "I'm a good boxer now because my left hand is always in a fist..."

...bittersweet moments...

So, right now I'm in limbo with transitioning Dad. This ALF just isn't cutting it and I have a very carefully thought out plan to move Dad in with me (with LOTS of paid help which will still be a helluva lot cheaper than the ALF), but we can't go until the house I want to move into is completed. It's under construction.

I have SERIOUS anxiety over leaving Dad where he is as a result of all that's happened, but I'm stuck for at least another 30 days.

I get that Dad has a level of need that this facility knows NOTHING about, but I'm finding it hard to keep my mouth shut. The latest is the fact that they relay WRONG information to Dad about his oxygen.

They've told him that his portable concentrator is broken because they couldn't feel air coming out of it. It's a PORTABLE. It responds to the person breathing. They breathe... it puffs. The nurse (in front of Dad) immersed his cannula in water and waited for bubbles. When she didn't get any, she told him he couldn't leave his room because his machine is broken. IT'S NOT BROKEN!!!! AAAAARGH!!!!

Of course, she calls me (which I've told them to call hospice instead) and round and round we go. Dad is SOOOO upset because he's "trapped" in his room and afraid he's gonna die if he wears the "broken" machine.

Clearly, they aren't necessarily trained on how to interact with dementia patients which is understandable since they aren't memory care but SHEEESH!!!!

I'm clearly in desperate need of righting a wrong (should have never moved him), but feel like I'm going to pull all of my hair out until I can get him out of there and re-settled. AAAAAARGH!!!!

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Patience comes from love. I learned the hard way that patience is something that gets better with practice and lots of crying. I pray a lot and in the last year, I have been able to see my patience grow. It takes practice after practice and prayer after prayer.
I have never been a patient person. But, God has changed me when I surrendered to HIM.
So, now I cry way less and can endure so much more with HIS help.
I wish you the best in this matter, and that 30 days will fly for you. Hang in there, and just practice taking things as they come, because truly we have no control over anything. Pray.
I will be praying for you, through this struggle of yours.

Tinyblu, for me I found Assisted Living much less expensive then having caregivers for my Dad. I used a licensed Agency and was more than pleased with the caregivers who took excellent care of my Dad. Dad had around the clock care, so that cost him $20k per month. Even if he would cut that in half, it was $10k/month.

When my Dad moved into Independent Living it was costing him around $5k per month. Quite a savings for him. Then when he moved into Assisted Living/Memory Care, I think it was around $7k per month.

So I am scratching my head when you mentioned having a lot of paid caregivers would be so much cheaper than being in Assisted Living. I hope that is the case for you. At least you will have more control over your Dad's care which I know you want to do.

Are you using a licensed Agency, or independent contractors for the caregivers? If independent contractors, make sure you call your home insurance carrier and get a workman's comp policy, just in case a caregiver should get hurt on the job. Also ask about an "umbrella policy".

When you find patience, send me some. This oxygen thing really gets to me. Is your Dad the only one using it? I can see a CNA not knowing how the machine works but a nurse? Wonder if a company rep, for the machine, is near by. If so, maybe he can come to the AL and train the RN and CNAs on how to use the equipment. Dad will not be there but there will be other residents. I look at things like....I understand that, why don't you. It always boggles my mind.

Good luck Tiny. Sounds like your plan is coming together nicely. Hang on, you need your hair! 😨🤤

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