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My hubby and I were newlyweds when my mil moved in with us. It has been a few years now, and we haven't had a single day away from her. I am so burned out, and we have no one in our town who can give us some much needed respite care. Now my brother-in-law is planning a week long visit in March, and I have begged him to take care of her in his hotel room, he agreed, and he'll get a two bedded room. It works well for all parties, we get a chance to have a break, and they can have more time together to visit, but my mil refused! I am at my wits end, I can't stop crying because of it, I feel so lost and depressed because I can't get away from the woman. Just a few days is all I ask, how can I convince her to stay with her son, whom she calls her favorite.

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The above suggestions are great -this time she dose not to make the final decision she has a choice stay in the home with the brother or go to a hotel-tell her it is her choice or maybe placement should be considered-if she has money it will go to the nursing home or she can use it to add on to your home and hire aides to care for her she is being selfish as many elders are prone to do-they feel entitled to get their way-my husband refused to go to adult day care then a couple of years later refused placement and I told him this time he did not have the choice of refusal -that made him think-he would have been placed if he had not had a turn for the worse and died.
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Allie-
I agree you use the hotel room and declare a vacation! Let brother stay with mom in your home. Mom might be more comfortable with this situation as well. If she embarrassed find out why. Bring in a home health aid to assist in that area. But, you get out of there, let brother assume the responsibility and learn what you go through on a daily basis.
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She doesn't get to make all the decisions here. Tell her that if she doesn't go, all her clothing will be put out on the front lawn, and that she will need to find a new place to live!

Jinx! Calm down!

Seriously, can she explain why she doesn't want to go? Is she afraid she will wet the hotel bed? Would she be embarrassed to have her golden son physically caring for her? Does she have dementia? If she might get disoriented, maybe letting the brother move in while you and husband move out for a mini-vacation. Try to find a solution, rather than a power struggle. (Power struggles are so much easier to start than negotiations are, but they always end worse.)

Good luck.
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This would be my letter to my husband:

Dear (insert husbands name):

When YOUR brother arrives to visit YOUR MOTHER I will be spending the week on vacation at a warm tropical beach. I NEED this time away for my sanity. I would love it if you join me for this week of relaxation!

I love your Mother very much but we need this break and she will be able to spend some much needed bonding time with your brother.. XO
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I think Jessie Belle has the answer
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Your husband needs to handle this and tell her that she WILL go .
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Maybe you and hubby can even plan a trip for that week. That sounds even better.
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Idea -- why don't you and hubby enjoy the hotel room and let BIL and MIL visit in the house? Sounds like respite and vacation rolled into one.
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