After my fathers accident, resulting in Tramatc Brain injury, my sister, after checking out 2 places, placed him in an assisted living Facility, across from her house. I had been fired from my job, the second day he was on life support, also listed as a NO IN HIS LIVING WILL. Having a brain injury is very different than Alzeimers, the place was under staffed, and my Dad was placed in a room at the very end of a long hall. They told me when they check on the residents they look down the halls, but don't actually walk down there. It got to the point that I was there every day, from before lunch until after dinner, with Dr's and therapists, and would go with him to excersize ect. In the mean time I moved into his house and 45 years of clutter, cleaning it out. My father passed away in Feb. The house sold for cash with in a few days. ( your welcome!). I received an email from one of the siblings, much like a P$L statement, the 1/4 sale of the house to the 4 of us will only be split 3 ways, my self excluded. I was charged for rent, utilities, and the expenses that came out of my Dads account for my CARPAYMENT , cell phone. They agreed that since the care was bad, and the progress with Dad and his house was good, that would be my pay. I received an addional $100.00 for cigarettes, gas back and forth to see him, and groceries and anything my Dads dog needed. The $20,000 , 1/4 of the proceeds of his house, is now $00.000, due to my cleaning skills, and the "rest east" feel for my sister who rarely came....from across the street, and a sibling who lives in ColorDo and one in Texas. They all returned to their jobs, in their states, and I would get my ass chewed if they didn't get an update. So they all kept working, knowing Dad was in good hands and his house was getting ready to sell. They kept their jobs and pay, and bonuses, went on vacations, I stayed by my Dads side, or in his house. They get to split my $20,000 plus theirs, and the regular salary, I got the big $00,000 and nobody's talked to me in 6 months cause I'm pissed off. Wow! Their are still coins, to be divided, and very valuable oil paintings. There has been know work done to make calls to turn these into liquid assets. I said, because I love art, that I could make some calls, because while cleaning and organizing, I found the original paperwork on each, and the gallery where they were purchased. I was told to mind my own business, that won't be happening for quite sometime. See they have money, I'm unemployed, just turned down for Disibility, I have horrible depression and Anxiety , first over the death of my Dad, and secondly over this sad "family" situation. Totally unnessary. They think I need to go into a mental institution, because of my depression. My dad and I were closer than them, because I moved from his house 4 years ago, after living there for 3 years to care for my Mom at their home with Alzeimers. They rarely called or visited, they knew it was handled.

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Gosh, very sad indeed! Your family, unfortunately, has taken advantage of you, and you may be able to fight them in court, if you can find an attorney to take your case. Havs you spoken to the attorney who wrote up your fathers will, to find out if it was legal for the executor to cut you out in that manner?

If housing is an issue, you could check out your cities Housing Athority. There may be subsidized housing available for low cost apartments.

Your siblings are certainly messed up, where it comes to your caring for your parents, and I don't know I would pursue any further involvement with them in the future, they sound like complete jerks! So sorry for your troubles!

Ask yourself what situations you can change:

Your father is gone; that can't be changed but you can cherish his memory and comfort yourself that you supported him during his last days, weeks and months.

Your siblings are contentious and apparently not appreciative of you; that's not going to change. You're already depressed and allowing them to affect your mood and outlook can't get better until you find a way to reconcile the fact that you cared for your father because of him, not because of your siblings.

You're still thinking about wrapping up his estate. Not to be blunt, but since he's gone, how will that help him? It only puts you in a situation to be manipulated and criticized by your siblings. So drop it; let them do the cleaning and handle the rest of the issues. Move on.

Easy to write, yes? Not so easy to do. That's the bigger challenge.

This seems to be a very common theme with posts here. I've learned over the years that the family squabbles arise from relations within the family and once they reach the point of your situation, they're likely not going to be resolved, especially if the poster longs for a more normal, compassionate and appropriate relationship with siblings.

So I say leave the siblings to their own feuding and find your new life.

Then, consider what would make you feel better and address the depression?

You asked for advice; I'm giving some, bluntly, as I think at this point you could benefit both from sympathy but also from hard facts.

1. Unemployment: have you filed for unemployment? Do you have any income at all? Are you eligible for SS? What's the nature of your disability? Have you contacted some of the personal injury attorneys who focus on disability? They know the score and how to structure successful claim applications.

2. What was your job before you were laid off? Are you searching for another job? Temp work can help you stem the tide of depression and financial crises. Temp work isn't the most stimulating, but it can help put food on the table. And interaction with other workers kind of forces a more positive attitude just to get along.

3. I suspect that most if not the majority of the posters here have addressed some level of depression. Some seek therapy and use meds to help them navigate this unsettling situation. Some find their own ways out of depression. You'll have to find out what works best for you, perhaps a combination of meds, counseling, and exploring new vistas for your post-caregiving life.

4. Ask yourself what DOESN'T make you depressed? Are you still in touch with friends? If not, resurrect the friendships if possible. If not, what are your interests that could lead to new friendship? Join an online forum that's upbeat, where people discuss common interests, whether it's gardening, literature, music, cooking...whatever.

4. Check local libraries to see what groups they sponsor; consider meeting others if something interests you. The point is, get out, away, and find more positive interaction than your siblings offer. Build yourself up; don't allow yourself to be dragged down and mentally browbeaten by your family.


5. Get outside, start walking,, exercise - it'll improve your mind as well as your health. And try to stop smoking.

6. Although you didn't state it, I assume you need to find a place to live. I don't have really good suggestions for this issue, and I know it's a major consideration. Perhaps if you can connect with a county social worker you can get some suggestions. (Sorry; this just isn't an area in which I have much to offer).

7. Lastly, and I believe this is one of the more important issues: when you think of your siblings, DON'T. Keep asking yourself what it is you would want from them, if they're likely to provide it, and if the answer is now, ask why they rate consideration.

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