Dementia/Alzheimer's is such a cruel degrading disease...

Dolly--

I think we are not alone in this. This site it rife with parents who pick and choose their favorites and are so cruel to those of us who are 'not'.

My mother, too, holds the 'inheritance' thing over my head and when my YB told me the exact amount of money I might receive--well, it would work out to about 1-2 cents per hour of caregiving. The 3 MIA sibs will receive the same amount and one of them hasn't talked nor seen her in months AND took $70K some years ago to pay off debts and pay for her 3rd divorce.

And guess who will be doing the lion's share of clearing out her hoarded apartment? Yup. Me.

I've grown a pretty thick skin, but sometimes she'll say or do something that is simply unbelievable and I need to take a break from her. It is what it is.

Midkid58...I sure can empathize with you. My mother is a real must miss, Me, Me, I, I. Although over the years I did 90% of everything that was done for her by one of her children, about 10 years ago she told me "I am not leaving you anything when I die, you have enough". I said "I've worked for everything I have", She responds "That is what your supposed to do"! She is leaving everything to my brother who is less successful than I. It is not about the money, it's about the message this sent me "You, Dolly do not matter"! That hurts, but it goes along with everything else she has said and done to me...all my life! I am so very sorry for all of us who have and continue to suffer at the hands of our parent(s). I am also no contact with my mother, she is 94 and will probably outlive me, just out of spite!

Watching mother do the 'slow slide into senescence' is very, very sad.

I know now I will NEVER have closure with her over some serious issues from childhood (shoot, do we EVER get over some things?) She knows who I am but cannot carry on a conversation in which she isn't the primary concern and talks only about her one friend.....and the twin g-grand kids, whom she has seen maybe 5 times.

Her life is a shell of an existence. My sibs are mostly MIA so only I have really noticed the slide. B/C she can still do the crossword puzzle ( the super easy one) and the word jumble...she's tells everyone she's sharp as a tack.

And yeah, she does OK. Repeats herself if you spend more than 10 minutes with her, and doesn't care about anyone but herself (and the people at the grocery store). I told her I had cancer and she said "Oh, well, your daddy will be glad to see you"--um, daddy's been gone for 15 years. THAT'S her response to my telling her I have VERY TREATABLE Lymphoma. It took her 3 weeks to mention to someone else that I was 'dying' and when they set her straight, she freaked out. Evidently, dying is preferable to my continuing to live.

I have had to cut myself away from her--trying to talk to her and trying to be of any help in the CG dept are just too much, emotionally.

I am NOT afraid of my mother's dying. I'm afraid she never will. You can live past your sell by date--and it's not fun or pleasant for anyone. My kids will only remember this scatter brained old lady who didn't care much for them. How sad.

Today she called me, said that she hadn't talked to me in a long time, and she wanted to tell me that they were now in Florida. Geesh, I picked them up at the airport with my brother, this was on Sunday, she has no recollection of this. We have told her at least 5 times that we had rented furniture until their furniture arrived from AZ, she wondered where the furniture came from, and the other stuff. She wondered how the people at the home knew that they were coming, well, this has been in place for 2 months, that's how. I asked her how the food is as this was a big issue at the other AL in AZ, she said it was good, just as me and what's his name said, that is now my brother. I thanked her for my B- card, she said "What card"? My step-father is totally deaf, so he has no idea what the conversation is on the phone. His teleprompter has not arrived yet, so this make it even more difficult. We have a lot to do as we are going for guardianship of her, this is a must as she has a son who is a criminal and has been conning her for years. As it stands now, he can come into the AL, take her out, go to the bank and have her withdraw money, we have taken the debit card and checkbook away from her, but, we cannot freeze her out of the accounts until we secure the guardianship. They have only been here for two days and I told what's his name that "I want to run away from home"! My brother AKA what's his name said "You are not leaving without me"! Then we hugged.

DollyMe, so sorry you are going through this with your Mom and Step-Dad. It is hard watching one's parent's memory start to fade.

I also remember my Mom's handwriting being difficult to read and prior she had perfect penmanship. Also, as we age, we tend to get tremors, thus some days my printing is excellent, and other days I can't read my own writing :P

Oh, when it comes to birthday card at least your Mom tried her best. And if the wife forgets to buy a card, you know darn well that her husband won't be going to Hallmark any time soon. Some guys will buy cards, but I remember years after being married to my then hubby, his Aunts could comment they never got a card from their nephew until he got married.

Even when my folks were clear minded but needed my help being they were in their 90's, they still were viewing me as being 35 instead of 65... oh well. Gone were the days when I could leap tall buildings in a single bound. Nope, don't do ladders, either.

One positive note, your folks are now in the care of Assisted Living having a village look after them. Yes, you will still be busy as their primary caregiver, running errands, doctor appointments, clothing shopping, and listening to weird stories. At night time, my Dad use to climb into his time machine and go back to the 1940's, got to admit some stories were quite interesting :)

So I hear ya.

OH I know what you mean. I am having so many feelings concerning this horrible disease, My mother took care of her mother who had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 1975. Mother took care of her until 1988, when she passed from complications of pneumonia. So my mother really knows a great deal about this disease and now is living with it. It is so degrading and things that are happening now should not be a surprise, but are a surprise. She is staying with my brother, but not sure how long this will last. She is so fixated on her second husbands picture and what is wrong, that she never has fun or never enjoys anything.

Please vent anytime. It is a very frustrating time.