Dementia poetry.

When the darkness finally descends will I feel grief?
I imagine so but tinged with relief
I watch as her hands turn cold and blue
And think to myself this is not you
This isnt the woman who once was strong
Who fought so hard and fought so long
Before me all I can see is the shell
It was bad before but this is hell

I am helpless before her, just watching her stare
And when she is restless I brush her hair
She calms once more her mouth tries to speak
But no words come just a grunt or a squeak
And the eyes continue to stare at me
Not knowing who I am or when she will be free
She refuses all food all medication all drink
But now they let her and I just watch her sink

Throughout all the years I have whined and moaned
Yet I would swap everything to have her home
To let her be where she wanted to be
In her bed at home with her family and me
Sleep doesnt come for me now not at all
I doze and think I hear her buzz me or call
I know before long the call will come
To tell me I am sorry but your Mum...........

I hate this disease that robs your kin
It takes your brain but leaves your skin
God bless all you carers for your road is tough
And there is no-one who can praise you enough

God bless you all xxx

Phoenixdaughter,
Words cannot express, but you have, how sorry that this is the end for your Mum.
Everyone including you, are the honor guards escorting Moms (and Dads) all the way through to their end. It may feel like it at times, but this is not the end of your life...
It's not over yet....
Love,
from Send

Just love and hugs from across the Atlantic, dear. B

God Bless You too PhoenixDaughter~

As always dear J. Love and easy passage to your mom and strength to you

Beautiful Jude, you have a wonderful way with words, ND your pain through all of this comes through in your writings.

I am so sorry this is so painful as you are nearing the end, it always is, no matter how hard is has been, and we always wish we could have them back, though not in the debilitated way in which they leave us, but healthy and free on pain.

I especially understand that you wishe that you could have her home for her final journey, as she had wanted, but Sadly, sometimes that is just not possible.

I am praying for the end of her suffering, and yours. I Love you Jude, you have been an incredible daughterand Caregiver, and an amazing mentor and friend to me! HUGS SWEETIE!

The time has come and I feel empty..thank you all for your support xxxx

Love you and thinking about you.

Jude, I am so sorry for your loss.

Jude - God bless you! You have given so much to your mom. Thank you for all of the humor, all of the wisdom, all of the encouragement you have given to this board. You are in my prayers.

Jude all I can say is love and hugs to you. You have shown such courage and caring for your Mum, Thank you for comming back and sharing with us your Mum's last moments.
It is so painful and probably not at all what you expected. May your future bring you happiness

So sorry for your loss, dear J.

God bless

Jude, I am so sorry for your loss. Your journey has been a long one with caregiving. Your mom is now free of this disease. May you find peace and comfort in the coming days. ((((Hugs))))

Your strength and determination and your caring heart have been evident in your posts as you shared your journey as a caregiver, your poem is a poignant eulogy. I'm sorry for your loss.

Thinking of you, Jude, and wishing Godspeed to your mother. Keep in touch xxx

Jude, condolences on the loss of your dear mum, sorry for your pain and grief. Thank you for your many contributions to AC even while you were in the trenches of caregiving life. May your personal faith and the memory and love of your mum sustain you during your time of grief. ♡

What do you see mom, what do you see
what are you thinking when you look at me?
A friendly young woman you've seen once before
A caregiving friend
but not anything more?

Please open your eyes, you're not looking at ME
Do you know I'm the child you once bounced on your knee
Whose heart now is breaking since you no longer see?
Have you lost all the time that made up your past?
Are the memories all severed, did anything last?

Are your dreams filled with laughter and long ago friends
is your body remade there, are you young once again?
Do you re-live the seasons, do you hold someone's hand:
oh I hope there is comfort somewhere in dreamland!

To outlive mind and body is such a cruel joke,
just another poor patient that the aides prod and poke -
Made to rise in the morning without any say
in the things that you'll do till the end of the day
when finally at night you're tucked back into bed
...surely to god you'd be better off dead.

Still, I'll offer you comfort as best as I can...
Come for a visit – just hold your hand,
I lotion the skin now so wrinkled and dry
and I brush back the tear from the edge of my eye.
I'll bring news of your loved ones, share the magic of Spring,
do my best to bring pleasure from many small things.

For I know that inside that old body must dwell
the soul that will last 'til tolls life's final bell.
And I try to believe that one day in heaven you'll see
all those left to mourn you, and you'll really see ME.

She doesn't look up when I enter the room.
I know she knows I'm there
Is she still there?

I quietly sit down so as not to disturb
She keeps her eyes closed
I don't think she's sleeping

Is she thinking back to the times of her youth?
What does she think about?
Does she remember the times of her youth?

She looks up and smiles, a sad smile.....
I know she is happy to see me
I chat for a while

She doesn't say much but she nods quite a bit
I hold her hand but she doesn't squeeze back
Does she feel the love I am trying to convey?
I can't hug her anymore, she might crumble away

I stay for four hours
It passes quite fast
Will this be the last time I see her?
Does she see me?

I kiss her cheek
I try not to cry
Until our next visit
Then I say Good Bye

Sad eyes looking through me
how sad my eyes will look,when this is through

Patience hurts so very much
So very much I will hurt when I lose my patient

caring for the one i love, and missing out,
I will miss out on caring for the one I love

Blue eyes no longer
Lovingly, sparkle and shine
Please, look into mine

Not by me, but by my stepmom, about my father:

Invalidated farewell

I watch in tender desperation
as corners of your thoughts
unfasten, fall, dissolve
like wintered-over leaves
composting in a pile

I wash your threaded body
guide small-piece suppers
to your weak, obedient mouth
its passive smile
signifying
innocent acceptance

I cry, not for the burden
but for the emptiness
as fog embalms
your eyes
shrouding identity, location

I'm nudged at times
by gentle pangs
that you are blanketed
in contentment

while I am the one
who is lost

Another by stepmom:

One Silver Moment

Out of the dust, floating,
a shining moment rose. . .

Your faded eyes warmed
with recognition.
Reaching out from the vast greyness
where you were imprisoned,
your hand, thin and trembling,
touched my cheek.
Your voice straining yet firm, you whispered
"You know - I love you".

Then grey folded you back
in its envelope.
Awareness dissolved again
to dust.

This is my silver moment now. . .
rolling through the hallways
of my emptiness.

.