Oops sorry! anyway, Since she has been there her leg is healed and they decided that she should stay. She is incontinent and has middle stage dementia.
She was giving the aids in the AL a hard time and not cooperating and just staying in her apt-------For reasons I have mentioned in other posts I believe that she is a has some "superiority" problems that she has had all her life. Growing up in her house was not great and I left ASAP. The problem now is that she has been diagnosed as dilusional by the physc and is on medication for that-----they don't seem to help and they won't give her more meds...She goes from one drama to another and I can't take anymore of this...Recent episodes are believing that the NH was taking them on a boat and that 21 women were going to drown and she was one of them---she was persistant and waiting every day for the boat ---there was no changing her mind that this wasn't going to happen even when the nurses talked to her.....After that they all went on a platform outside to dance in long gowns and someone was going to be set on fire--(her) she told me that she got out of that by saying that she was sick and staying in bed after they had sprayed her with gasoline-----other event such as this go on all the time --now the "jews" are moving there from Israel--hundreds and taking all the room---sh e has to leave and now! this goes on and on and when one dillusion stops another starts-----She told my sister that I slapped her in the face and told her that she couldn't move in with me....All she talks about now is that I have to get her out of there.. She is so angry with me that I don't........She is a narcissist and never pleased and you can never do enough for her.....I have her in a private room that is costing a fortune because she can't get along with anyone and when she does make a "friend" (which she has never really had one all her life) she winds up telling them off and alienating them and herself---no one ever meets up to her standards----she has no hobbies does not have any interest in anything but complaining and what she and you wear! I try to take her out when I visit (once a week) but it has become increasing hard because I can't lift her or the wheelchair (she is in and loves)
so I walk her in the wheelchair across the street to eat lunch out or go to the stores that are there. I spend the whole day and she is angry with me when I leave.....We went from ( in the AL ) bugs chewing on her fingernails at night ,to someone punching her in the face and knocking out her tooth) , some one raping her in Nursing (which of course, had to be investigated by Nursing) even though I told them it was not true and she alway makes things up) and many other senerios. I can't take this anymore --I hate to call her or see her. She has me upset all the time.. I am the only caretaker as everyone else is out of state (the smart ones) I don't know if she is really believing what she is saying or just trying to manipulate me and she has done all my life.........Any suggestions other than cyanide?

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Delusions are a common part of some forms of dementia. These could be genuine delusions. They are difficult to treat.

If she has been a manipulative drama queen all her life it is remotely possible that this is more of same. Not highly probable, but possible.

So I'm going to guess it is the middle stage dementia causing this. The conventional wisdom for delusions is to go along with them, provide comfort or a solution, and distract. Not always successful, but that is the theory.

"Oh my goodness! You wait right here and I'm gong down to the office right now and take your name off the boat trip list!" (Stroll down the hall for a drink of water, or mabe go to the office and alert them so they can confirm her name is not on the boat trip list when she asks.)

"I'm so glad you were clever enough to get out of that dancing party! ... Did you see the article in the paper today about how they are going to landscape the old library?"

"Oh dear! That should not have happened! I am going to report it for you."

You are right that you cannot talk her out of her delusions. They are her reality. Your best bet is to be sympathetic and tell her you are handling it.

She is a pitiful old woman living in an unpleasant delusional world. Try not to let it get you down.

Meanwhile, cut your visiting to half a day at a time. Try to spend a lot of it pushing the wheelchair around the neigborhood -- less chance for long discussions about delusions.

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