This week mom flushed something down the toilet at the Sr. Home two times and blocked the toilet. They are calling her severe dementia. She only gets $948.00 in SSI. but does have medicaid. I can't find her a place to go to. She isn't listed as skilled nursing. Still tends to herself. All the places are private care. The Dept. of aging wants to bring someone to be with her but the Retirment Home basiclly wants her out. No one will take her little bit of money. I still work 3 days a week. I have a pounding headache right now after getting off the phone with the director of the home. He was so rude to me. A few yrs back, a previous director had set mom up with a special deal for her to stay when her funds ran out. $1,000.00 a mo. and I take care of the apt. I had all this in writing too. Now the new guy says its my responsibility to find a place more suitable for her. Problem is they are private pay. Yes she has no memory recall, but is able to tend to herself. Where do I go from here. Cindy

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Persons with dementia -- even fairly mild dementia -- often do behave inappropriately. They flush things down the toilet or leave something on a burner or make loud noises that distrub their neighbors, etc. etc. And even if they have an aide with them several hours a day, that doesn't prevent them from doing something "inappropriate" the other hours. So it is understandable that property managers are cautious about having them as tennants.

In this case, there is an added motivation. The special deal the previous director cut is not making this director's bottom line look very good. Since you have a valid contract about that, the director can't get Mom out on financial grounds. But he sure can seize upon any other excuse to get a higher-paying resident in that unit!

So, where to go?

I see this as a huge gap in health care coverage for our elderly and disabled.

My 86-year-old husband with dementia can do many things for himself. He doesn't seem to me to need skilled nursing care. But there is absolutely no way he is safe on his own. Edlerly Waiver is paying for in-home care for many hours a week, but if something happened to me he could not stay the other hours of the week alone. So where would he go? He is on Medicaid. He would not be able to afford any place that did not accept Medicaid. In other words, he'd be in the same situation that your mother is in!

I don't know the answer, but I sure wish I did, and I'll be watching for other answers.

In your case, maybe if the Department of Aging goes to bat for you, and if an assessment shows she does not have "severe" dementia, you can successfully fight the retirement community. I hope so.

Keep us posted on your progress. We learn from each other.

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