I am really worried about my mother because she has been forced to take care of my elderly father. He is a vet, has a myriad of very serious health care problems, is in a wheelchair, incontinent and has become very abusive and delusional. He was in a nursing home for 20 days, basically until his insurance ran out. Now he is at home with no medication or other treatment, suffering delusions and threatening my elderly and frail mother verbally with violence. He needs mental health care desperately. Home healthcare providers were supposed to be helping with the situation, but they never show up. I feel that he needs to be in a clinical setting long term, or at least until he more healthy mentally and physically. The situation is really frustrating and frightening and I don’t know what to do.
Yes, you need to see an elder lawyer. For Dad to be placed in a Long-term facility on Medicaid, Mom needs to have any assets they have split. Dads split will go to his care and when almost gone, Mom will apply for Medicaid. Once on Medicaid Mom will be able to remain in the home, have one car and enough or all of their monthly income to live on. An Elder Lawyer will be able to explain this better.
Maybe you should call your Social Service office and speak to a Medicaid caseworker. They can tell you how Medicaid for insurance purposes work.
To get Dad help it has to be while he is hospitalized. He really needs to see a Neurologist. He needs medication to help with the symptoms he is having and he needs to be in a facility. Rehabs are for getting people back on their feet after a hospital stay. PT and OT are offered. They usually just follow what the hospital did. They are not skilled nursing. They do not take the initiative to evaluate someone unless the family requests it. So Mom could have asked for Dad to be evaluated and told why. If it was found that Dad needed 24/7 care then she could have refused to take him home and have him placed in a Long-term care Unit. Then start the Medicaid application. Again, if there are assets, see an elder lawyer to split them. Only a lawyer can do this.
Medicare insurance did not run out after 20 days. Medicare pays 20 days 100%. From day 21 to 100 they pay 50%. The other 50% the patient pays or if good secondary insurance, they pay the other 50% or partial. Your Dad was probably not cooperating with Rehab or hit a plateau so Medicare had him discharged. At that point Mom could have refused to take him home and had him transferred to LTC.
Mom needs to call 911 and have him removed from the home and state FIRMLY that he cannot be discharged home.
Forget ratings. You can always move him later.
Talk to the lawyer about getting dad qualified for Medicaid. Their assets and income need to be separated so that mom is not impoverished.
Something tells me that your mom is easily manipulated by hospital personnel who try to make her feel guilty for not being able to care for him.
Your father is extremely unstable and could absolutely harm your mom.
I agree with Barb regarding calling 911. Your mom must be terrified seeing these changes in your father’s behavior.
I would also move mom to a safe place.
I am curious. What was his behavior like when he was in rehab? What was said about his progress during the care meeting?
He absolutely needs to be on meds for his PTSD. Is he going to a VA doctors and hospital for services? What reasons did they have for not providing medication for his condition?
Have you contacted NAMI in your area?
I truly hope that you will be able to find help for your parents. Best wishes to you and your family.
How did he come to be discharged from rehab?
Did discharge planning at rehab deem him capable of caring for himself, or did mom sign for his release?
Alternatively, move mom to Assisted Living or ANYWHERE and call APS and report him as a vulnerable elder living alone.
I'm very sorry to hear about this frightening situation with your step-father. Your mom definitely needs to be protected from him, and he needs to get the proper treatment for his mental health conditions.
I have a few questions which I think may help others as well. The goal is to get you the very best suggestions for what you and your mother can do.
You mention several times that he's delusional. Has he been diagnosed with dementia? Are the delusions fairly new?
Has he ever hit or physically been violent with your mother?
Is your mom in agreement that this is a dangerous and untenable situation or would she protect him if someone was trying to force him into treatment?
Can you reach out to a manager or director of the Home Healthcare Co who is supposed to be coming and tell them what the situation is to see how they may be able to help? Perhaps a recommendation for a mental health eval & treatment. Idk, just brainstorming here, but currently he's been assigned to them as a patient so they should be aware of the situation. You also need to find out why their staff is not showing up. (Although I believe they are just coming for P.T. and PT would not be able to help with his mental health of course).
On your profile page you explained that he went to an assisted living for 20 days of treatment after a fall. Did I understand that correctly? I've not heard of that. Did he first go to a hospital and then they sent him to a rehabilitation facility at the AL you're referring to?
Has he ever been treated for his PTSD? Does he see regular Dr's affilitated with the VA?
Does he have children who are involved with him?
If you can post answers back and provide any other relevant information you can think of, it will help others who come along after me.
If your mom is in danger, or if his threats escalate, the police need to be informed immediately! Are there guns in the house?
I want to suggest you call APS (Adult Protective Services) in your state, however there's been several reports posted here where they investigate but don't end up providing tangible help. This would ESPECIALLY be true if your mom would be too afraid to express her fear or ask for their help. By you calling APS however, you can at least put the situation and your concerns for your mom on their radar, and at a minimum, they should be able to recommend any additional steps you can take. I really think a lot depends on how your mom feels about his abuse... As is often the case in abusive domestic situations.
I truly wish you all the best with this Pauline.
(To answer questions or add additional information to this thread, click on the box which says comment here. I recommend you enter the same information here that you put on your profile page about his recent fall, etc. Many people will only read what's posted on this particular page.)