Deciding on home health care or a facility.


My mom is being released from rehab in a week. She originally lived downstairs in my home before she fell. Now my husband and I are being faced with bringing her home with 24/7 care because we work or putting her in a facility. We can't take care of her that is a fact. As much as I want her home for her sake, her dementia and stage four colon cancer have made her a high risk for falling and pretty much anything. Now it is a matter of what she can afford with her fixed pension she brings in monthly. Either way it is private pay. To say that this is stressful to me as her only daughter is an understatement. The only way I can get through this is with my faith that God is in control otherwise I think I might just have a heart attack.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing


You should read some of the hundreds of stories on this site about the horrible struggles people have had trying to take care of seriously I'll loved ones in their homes. Nansacola said it well. Don't feel guilty.

You mention what she can afford. Doesn't she qualify for medicaid? My mother's health improved 100% at the NH. Plus, she was safe, clean and fed.

Jab, what does your Mom want to do? Would she be willing to move to a continuing care facility or would she want to stay with you?

If your Mom is willing to move, then do it now before she changes her mind, and if her dementia becomes worse she might refuse to move at all. This way she can still be able to learn her way around the facility, learn the Staff, and make new best friends.

I might suggest that you talk with an Elder Law attorney to see how your Mom could work it out with her pension and possibly needing to qualify for Medicaid to help pay the remainder.

It is less expensive to place her in a nursing home than try to do home care 24/7. I tried for two years, and I almost had a nervous breakdown. Fortunately, I was only 10 minutes from home, so I could check on her at lunch time or if she needed help from her med alert necklace.

You have to put yourself first, because if you get ill who would take care of your mother. Do not feel guilty. You will still be your mother's health advocate.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.