Now that you are in your 80's and your health is declining, you are probably wondering will I be there for you in your declining years. As your daughter, my conscience and beliefs would never allow me to do otherwise. Though I was not raised with these traits, my adult life taught me what nuturing and caring was all about. Now I ponder about being the caring daughter and compare it to you as parents of my childhood. Mom, did you care enough about me when you were too busy nuturing a marital affair with another married man? Dad, were you so overwrought with mom's indifference toward you, that I would be a good replacement as a surrogate wife instead of finding someone else to meet your needs? I was just a little girl, too young to understand infidelity and the needs of a husband. I am now your adult daughter, a wife, mother, grandmother and a life encountering aging elderly parents. I will try and care for you as I do my husband, children and grandchildren. It is who I am, but will always wonder who you were.
You are right about the wounds never healing. I have had a lot of therapy and the love of my husband and children. I will always make sure my parents are cared for, but I have not encountered yet their total needs. They are still independenly living. When the time comes for more, I am not sure what I can handle. Caring from a distance is the best choice, but because of whom I am will it give me peace of mind?
Yes, I would see that they are cared for but from a distance.