Dealing with step children.

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My stepdaughter has become a thorn in my side.she lives 500 miles away yet wants to control everything. My husband is in the last stage of Vascular Dementia, has Congestive Heart Failure and his body is shutting down. The last 2 weeks he has rapidly declined. I contacted his 2 children and his son and his wife after the doctor recommended that he be placed with Hospice and are extremely cooperative and supportive. His daughter, on the other hand, has really been giving me a hard time about sending him to a home and placing him with Hospice. She came to visit him a few weeks ago and spent the whole time with 6 other people she invited to our home. I told her to make that decision but that when she comes she needs to devote time to him only. I ended up putting the phone down and let her scream at me through the phone until she realized I wasn't there anymore. I am so exhausted from being the sole caregiver for the last six years and I don't feel like arguing. Am I being cruel? I believe in my heart that my husband is my first priority. I love my husband so very much and it would kill him to know that she is behaving this way instead of being supportive. I have POA of health and finances and all other stuff is in order. Just really need prayers for peace. I also would welcome any suggestions on how to handle this woman. Thanks

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Thank you. I hope that my husband can soon be at peace. He is struggling every day. I called Hospice tonight and asked them to please make him more comfortable. I have told him he can go and I will be okay. He can no longer eat, drink, talk,or swallow and it is so very painful to see him like this. I love him so but am ready to let him go so he can be at peace.
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Diana, you did such a good thing! Have peaceful days ahead.
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Diana -I am so glad it worked out this way. You have enough stress as it is.
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Diana, thank you for the update. Glad to hear it wasn't what you thought it would be with the step-daughter.
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I just wanted to let you all know that it went better than I expected with my step daughter. I think letting her go see him alone was the real clincher. She had to wake up quick. She finally told me that I did the right thing. Thank you all for your support.
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Wonderful idea, we are past that point now. He is in a home near me just north of San Diego and she lives in San Francisco. She is flying down Saturday afternoon to spend an hour or two with him and then leaves again Sunday morning. She has not asked to stay with me and I have not offered her a bed. I no longer feel that I owe her anything when all she wants to do is control and criticize me. I just texted her that I would let her have that time alone with her dad. She has never spent time just with him, she always has to have someone else around. I don't think she knows how to spend time with him. She will have to live with her decisions. I am at peace with God as my guide.
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I would say to them; How about he stay with you a week or two, you become the caregiver, familiarize yourself with his needs and then we'll discuss what should be done as far as the best plan for his continued care. By then you will understand fully what your father and I are struggling with and we can have a conversation.
If you unwilling to take this opportunity then I will make the decision as I am his wife and ELECTED caregiver.
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God bless you freqflyer for your understanding. That is exactly what happens with my stepdaughter. She is in her own world and never has spent much time with her father. Her mother died when she was 17 and she has been angry ever since. I realized today in my quiet moments that she just doesn't know how to spend time with him. He is the one person she could never control. It is sad and one day she may regret that she never had time for him. She has flown from San Francisco to San Diego to visit her friends and never even called. The only way we knew she was here was when we saw pictures on Facebook. I plan to make myself scarce while she is around this weekend. She has only set aside a couple of hours for him. It is the kindest thing I can do for all concerned.
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Diana1945, so sorry to hear about your husband and that he is now in hospice care. Since his son and the son's wife are very cooperative, you know you are doing the right thing for your husband and for yourself. Too bad the daughter is dealing with this so differently and trying to make waves.

Your step-daughter sounds so much like my sig other's daughter.... Miss social butterfly... any time her Dad flies in to see her, he's lucky to catch her for a hour here or there... she can't put aside her social life nor that SmartPhone constantly texting to visit with her Dad. He always comes home wishing he never went :(

Whatever you do, don't let that step-daughter make you feel bad about your decisions. You have enough on your plate.
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Thank you so much. Everyone else in my husbands family is in full support of me and what I am doing for him. We can't all be wrong. She texted me that she will fly in on Saturday afternoon and be leaving on Sunday morning so I will give her that time to see for herself that this is what is best for him. She did not ask to stay with me and I did not extend an invitation. I have God on my side and with Him all things are possible.
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