To introduce my situation my mother had Alzheimer's and dad has dementia. I'm an only child. Mom had been in a nursing home about two and a half years. Dad was having some problems too- I should have seen more but they live three states away. (I had been begging them to move or years) Dad went into the nursing home 11 months ago after two traumatic events in about two weeks. He was outside passed out in 100 degree heat for about 2 hours and didn't even see the doctor about it. The next week he crashed his truck- head injury and stitches plus other stuff. We found when we got there for the accident he had lost a lot of weight (50 pounds) We also threw out two and a half big trash bags of expired food, he hadn't been bathing right etc. He has improved physically but still is unsteady. His mental state though is very concerning. He has had hallucinations, actually slapped mom once. (there were three witnesses at the nursing home but he denies it-) He has NEVER done anything like that. He is also pretty belligerent over the phone and has griped out his doctor and threatened to fire him... many different other incidences that I can relate. He endlessly repeats himself on the phone and tries to put me on a guilt trip that he's still in there despite the fact that everyone tells me he needs the help.
I am almost up to the deadline where I have to put his house on the market because of Medicaid rules. I need some ideas in how I need to deal with the subject with him. We are going to have to deal with ALL the stuff in the house. Major hoarding, although organized- for example probably about 5000 videotapes....What a nightmare. I really need to move him and mom here but every time I have approached the subject he has YELLED and categorically refused. He just wants to go back to the house and he would have no means of transportation and seeing Mom except the neighbor that he is already driving crazy. Not to mention the fact that he wouldn't properly care for himself!
Any thoughts about dealing with telling him on the house and moving them. It would be about a 12-14 hour drive- airports are over an hour away on both ends so not sure how much that would help. In his present state I wouldn't want to go through TSA at the airport with him either. Mom I think would go along. Either way I'm sure would involve yelling.
Thanks so much