I am an only child and my parents are in their mid-70's, For the most part they are in good health other than the regular health issues that come with age: high blood pressure, arthritis, mild depression and with my Dad, maybe some early dementia. Also, becuase of finances, I moved in with my parents - which alone is stressful; however, being with them has made me aware of how they are really aging and I am having issues with that.
My Mom has always been the type of person who could come across as curt. The older she gets, the worse this curtness is specifically towards my Dad (who retired 5 years ago). She hates everything that he does and it is always wrong. She is always in a horrible mood and constantly complains about everything. She claims that she doesn't feel well and to date we can't find anything physically wrong with her other than high blood pressure (which is under control), allergies and arthritis in her hands, which she can correct with joint replacement but refuses. I do think that she suffers from depression but she refuses to talk about it much less take medication for it. At times she will say she is very depressed but even during those conversations, she refuses to get help. URGH
My Dad has become a very grumpy man since his retirement and I think he may have early stages of dementia. It is as though aliens came and took his brain. He has problems remembering things ranging from conversations to incidents, his vocabulary has changed, and did I mention he is grumpy/croctchity. I also think he is suffering from some depression, but nothing like my Mom. He misses work, misses being busy and having challenges. He also has some back and leg pain from prevoius injuries, which at times prevents him from doing what he wants.
I am having so many issues with this - they are driving me crazy, they bicker all the time, they won't listen to the advice I give them, they are STUBBORN and I am going to lose my mind!!! I have seen a therapist to try and figure out how I can deal with the changes that they are going through and deal with them without losing my mind but I didn't find that that was really helping. There are times that I am at my wits end - I want to run away and never look back. Of course I would never do that. And I realize that this is just the beginning - who knows what I will have to face in the future. And being an only child, who happens to be single, I will have to deal with this alone.
When we are younger and our parents are younger, we know that they will eventually get old. But when it actually happens, it is very scary and stressful. Some days I feel like I will be able to handle whatever is coming my way and other times I feel like I am going to snap. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this and how to deal with stubborn, older, cranky/grumpy parents?
Rabbi Scott B. Saulson, PhD
This is what I don't get about selfish parents. Why in the world would they allow you and your son to be miserable? It's beyond me how some parents can be so mean. My mom was always mean so now that her main ambition in life is to make me miserable, I am not surprised.
I think some of this is their generation. They have ideas that are so out in left field, we the next generation, can't fathom them. My mom says because she's old, she's "entitled" just because she's old. What???? She's always said it so again I am not surprised.
I hope you can find a happy medium. If not, I'd tell them as nice as possible that life is about change and you feel that you and your son deserve a life also and to be happy and it's time for a change. If they still refuse, you have your answer. . . it's all about them and you two don't matter. At that, you have a right to be bitter and resentful. Heck, reading your post makes me mad and they aren't even my parents.
I wish I had a solution for you but I don't. Keep working on them. You sound so sad and full of despair, I pray they will come around. How sad to know you are stuck and have no way out. I will keep you in my thoughts. The best to you.
For yourself - I suggest finding and attending a support group for caregivers. These are generally free and you'll find all kinds of information, suggestions and support from people who've been through the same situations as you. It also helps keep you from becoming isolated - and possibly narcissitic yourself, it's easy to do because we don't want to complain or whine to we keep everything bottled up.
Good luck to you. Even though your parents are grumpy, they probably appreciate that you care enough to listen and try to help.