Please help, newbie with pull ups/Depends for mom--I need guidance!

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Mom was just in rehab for two months as she fell (again) and broke a bone. She NEVER had incontinence issues EVER,until she got there and fell while she was there also. This is totally new ground for me. She has being using the pull up Depends 24/7 at the rehab center, but she just came home like 12 minutes ago and I don't know how to do this!! She has mid stage dementia and asking her to remember something never works. She has a little difficulty communicating what hurts and where, so if I were to ask her if the pull up was wet, she may not answer accurately either.

So here's my questions:

1. How can I tell when she's "wet?" When my girls were babies I'd feel the diaper near the crotch and rub the diaper between my thumb and finger to see if it was wet/slippery while the babies were laid down on the bed. This doesn't seem appropriate for my 80 year old mother, but how on earth do I check?!!

2. When am I supposed to "change" her? Once a day?Twice a day? 8 times a day?

3. How do I explain to her why she needs to wear them? her feelings are VERY easily hurt. I need to keep her underpants away from her as I don't want her to change into them and pee all over my bed! Any advice on how to say "Guess what, you have no underpants now mom?"

4. I have an appointment with her doctor tomorrow and I am hoping that this is a temporary issue because of some newly developed medical problem. Also, she had a hysterectomy about 5 years ago. Has anyone had any experience with this potentially being a medical issue?

Thanks so very much. I know this is easy for some of you, but this is so very foreign to me. I want to love mom and at the same time not have my house smelling of pee. When I picked her up, her clothes all stank of urine so I have them in the washer now. Also, I was told that she would take the pull ups off at night (as they were wet) and then hang them on the side of the bed to dry (wearing nothing to bed and peeing all over the bed). OMG, any advice on all of this?

Thanks.

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fajenkins, you have been reading a very old thread.

There are lots of products that are better than Depends, which are mostly designed for more active seniors. Of the readily available drug store brands I found Tena to be much more absorbent, and tab style briefs better than pull ups. If you choose to double up products I recommend adding an overnight pad, but remember that the backing is designed to contain fluids so you will need to slash it in order to allow the urine to flow through into the brief/pullup.
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We started using the Depends when mom (mother in love) broke her hip last yr. She has done well we started using them at night and gradually full time since she moved a little lower with the hip healing. To me the night and day wear are the same (no thicker). We are experimenting with some that are for severe wetness they say but no better. I guess we need to use two items like someone suggested. She was doing great still getting up at night with her walker until last month. She had some illness and was in the hospital. While there she fell with the nurse so the dr thought she needed PT in Swing bed. Well she stayed there 4 weeks and all they did was let her lay in the pee until they had the change her. Worse thing to add to this is they didn't help her with walking. Her muscles became so week from sitting in a wheel chair or bed that she can not even move her legs to walk with the walker. She doesn't even seem to know she has to go to pee now! :( This angers me because it could have been prevented with the right care. But this is our lot now. I am dealing with her either being soaked through and through or stay awake all night basically to take her to pee. She seems to hold most till night time. To make her situation worse she has an ileostomy and she dehydrates easily so we have to push fluids daily.
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Tranquility ATNs, all through the nights, are life savers and well worth the money. Above and beyond anything else out there. I found a supplier in my area that delivers by googling Tranquility ATN in (my town and state) good luck!
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I have the same problem with Mom. She won't let anyone help her in the bathroom, so I do not know what she does. She doesn't like wearing the depends, but I told her she has to. That she would mess up her regular underwear. ( which she did ) Lately she has been flushing the depends down the toilet. I told her to be careful, but then she fights with me. " I don't flush anything down the toilet". I've had to snake them out of the drain twice in the last week. I'm really getting frustrated.
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There is a new pullup style incontinence product I discovered in our Walgreen pharmacy, called Always Discreet. My mom loves the soft lavendar color and purple stripe goes in back. She claims they do NOT leak. We have about 3 mos supply of Depends Silhouettes, but she is wanting the Always Discreet for at night and anytime we get out of the house. I do not work for the Always company. Just want to share what worked for us.
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I found the Depends website and they sell a "sampler" pack with different sizes and styles, so you don't have to buy a whole package of the wrong size or style while you are trying to find what works best. Their "Adjustable" underwear have the side perforations and velcro tabs which is useful when you don't want to have to take off the pants and shoes to change the underwear, also for when, as I have experienced, for some reason they don't want you to take off their wet, poopy underwear. The last time my mom did this I ripped the perforations and snatched the underwear away and said, "Oops! I accidentally ripped them!", and she said, "Oh, ok." and settled back down.

Also, I have no problem patting her on the behind to see if the underwear is wet, it is heavier, and it makes more noise. This helps if mom is refusing to change them and says they don't need to be changed. I pat them and say, "Hear that? That means they are wet and we need to change them." She has not been offended by me patting them.
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Wellness Briefs makes the best diaper on the market! I've tried them all for Mom who has PD and late stage dementia. No control over bladder or bowels. I also put an Ultimate Long Poise pad in for extra security as she will not let go until she is relaxed and sleeping. Putting a pair of her regular undies over them helps too! No more wet beds, just a wet bed pad on some mornings. They do not come in pullups. That is the only drawback, but at least Mom is no longer wet up to the top of her head in the mornings! You have to order these online from their website by the same name, but they are much cheaper than other brands.
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I read something today that I am going to try as the last two mornings before i leave for work mom has wet the bed taking her pads etc off sometime durning the night and when she gets up to go to the potty loses it ....someone suggested you put on a waterproof washable pad (i have bought extras) then the sheet then waterproof pad then another sheet and pad that way if they wet you just take off the sheet and pad and you already have one ready to go without completely changing the bed. Also there is this web site for inserts my mom wears Tennas and a posie and a sillotte (spell) depends it fits more like underwear....
healthpursuit/diaper_doublers
Hope this helps and good luck!
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I'm going to sound like a broken record on here, but if your mother is small the large overnight baby diapers (we use "Goodnights") cannot be beat for night use. Because they use that gel stuff in them, they don't make the user as uncomfortable and they are less likely to take them off in the middle of the night. Children's overnight diapers go up to 125 lbs. Daddy is now on hospice and they provide the diapers, but I still buy the "Goodnights" for night use because they keep him drier, more comfortable and the sheets don't have to be washed as often. I swear by the diaper Genie. It has cut the smell tremendously. I keep antisceptic wipes (such as Clorex) by the bed for wiping things down and keeping things as sanitary as possible.
My last suggestion is not to be afraid to get a lift when you need one. We were afraid of using one and did not get one when we should have. I hurt my back several times before I gave in and asked for one. As long as you are careful and go slowly, they are absolutely a God-send.
Good luck. There will be times when you think you can't take another step. Get on here and vent. You will be okay in a little while. We are all stronger than we think we are.
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Several suggestions for you to try. Ask your medical supply store for samples of various incontinence "depends" or diapers. See which are more comfortable for Mom. Do any acquaintances have similar situations. Perhaps you could each give a sample of the kind of incontinence item their loved one uses. That worked well for me with my husband. Remember, you can buy some on line and save some money. Hugs, Corinne
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