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I am one of three .. the only daughter with two brothers. I'm certain my story has been told before ... no real support . My mother passed away three yrs ago as a result of Parkinson’s . She had been sick for over 30 yrs with so many various aliments. She lost her eye due to melanoma, Crohn’s disease , kidney cancer you name it she had it. A courageous brave woman married to the best husband and father one could ever imagine. In my 30 yrs of marriage .. I shoulder caring for my mother. A son born w a heart defect that later developed arrhythmia (serious) ok now after idc. Then non Hodgkin lymph.. ok now. Care for a single uncle now deceased and now for my 90 yr old dear father who had triple bypass last yr. My husband has had it! My brothers “were and are “ too busy to offer support. They all have told me to back off from my dad. I just don’t know how, he's is old scared and slipping from the man he once was. He lives in a Continuing Care Community and continues to be independent. I visit w him for 2 hours everyday. I think I am doing ok but the people around me bring me down. I feel so alone in all of this. I am 62 have had a good life am so grateful for the many blessings but at times know because of no real support this all has taken its toll. Would so appreciate some advice . Thanks . Ak

This support group is beyond anything I could would imagine. Such thoughtful loving caring insightful comments .
I don’t suggest that I am a wimp .. I am thankful for being strong. I pray to continue to be . I have a blessed life . Thanks for knowing I am not in this alone . It means the world to me . A
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It sounds like you need to find a balance between being supportive of your dad and being an active and fully present part of your family which really is your first priority. From what I see it is all about boundaries. Don't loose your husband and son in the process of caring for your dad who is in a place where he is cared for.
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Amk- You are a loving daughter and so thoughtful to visit your Dad regularly. Don't let anyone bring you down, because of their insensitivity.Your efforts and labor do not go unnoticed by our Creator.
Will keep you in my prayers and hang in there.
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Thanks ! For sure it is lack of support and lack of communication that is bringing me down .. crushing my spirit. They all .. husband , brothers .. think they know .. they are not living the path . That is ok .. but not my style . Thanks for the support from those that commented . You have me the words I needed to hear . Have read so many posts just finding this support group . Lol .. apologies for having a bit of a pity party . I am the lucky one . No doubt .
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Amk; Your husband has "had it"? He wants you to back off from visiting your dad for 2 hours a day in his care facility, yes?

Is it possible that your husband thinks that it's all the care-giving that's bringing you down, and not the "lack of support"?

Dad lives in a care community. Does he participate in activities? Make friends with other residents? Is your being there in any way preventing that from happening?

Your husband is encouraging you to get a job? Have you thought about using your extensive care-giving as something you could put on a resume? Are you interested in being employed at a care facility?
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Amk, are you saying that if you had a sister instead of brothers that then you would have help and support?

I have two twisted sissies. I cared for mom for four years with nearly no help and absolutely no support! They accused me of financial exploitation, I was investigated by APS, case closed quickly. They took me to court still not believing there was no exploitation. Court assigned conservator who audited mom's accounts. Did not find anything and twisteds still did not believe it. Course I never told anybody about the money tree in the yard that I kept well picked. 😎

Be careful what you wish for. Sons are just as capable to care for folks as daughters. Some just want nothing to do with it. My sissies didn't. Some just do not have the same compassionate traits that you do. Be proud of that and know you will never be able to say just the right thing to get them to change.
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Wow ! Am hanging on to all of these beautiful words and thoughts .
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Wow ! Am hanging on to all of these beautiful words and thoughts .
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Maybe your son and husband are saying something harshly and without support that
has some merit. When we are constantly caregiving we can lose ourselves in it and
before long our constant topic of conversation becomes our "patient' and their various
needs. We can forget ourselves in all the details of care.

So while bullying and with holding support are only hurtful to you, consider that in all that noise that while continuing to visit and care for your father in his time of need, remember to consider yourself and your needs as well.

Hang in there, you're doing a wonderful thing being there. I'm sure your father is incredibly grateful to you. It's time with him you'll never get back. Your brothers
are missing out.
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First response .. well what I gift .. thanks for that . I need to be understood by those that get it like me . Friends can talk the talk but who knows . Husband and my son screaming yr after yr get a job we want the real you back . So difficult balancing without family support . Thanks so much .. lol I will appreciate all of what you wise and gifted human beings have to suggest !
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Hi AMK,
People are who they are. We can not change them nor expect them to be who we are. Your brothers are navigating this life as they see fit, so are you. Let their choices and comments go. The same with other people " bringing you down". You cared for people in their times of need, when you didn't have to. And that is the beauty that's you!

Sit happy and content with what you've done and how you've lived your life. Some of us are givers and some takers. We're not all built the same....and that's ok.

You have a lot to be proud of, Don't give that away by what others say.

Stand by your dad. Two hours a day isn't asking that much from hubby.
God Bless You!
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