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They have a dating website for "Farmers Only", they should put one up for "Caregivers Only". At least we all understand for the majority of what we caregivers go through and how difficult it is to find "alone" time. With someone going through what we are, even 10 minutes outside alone is enough. We would also be able to understand some of our "emotional outburst" we go through. Especially for us single caretakers whom wish to still find a life as well as take care of our loved one.

Just a thought, or wishful thinking... feeling extra lonely today. Holidays are coming up. I'm not looking forward to any of it. At all. Wish I could sleep through it and wake up Jan 2, 2014.

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Hi I am new at this, I am a care giver since my mom was diagnosed with multi of elements. Would like to chat
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I agree with StandAlone about not wanting to date another caregiver, but for different reasons. I've been dealing with my husband's dementia for 14 years, 7 trying to get him diagnosed and 7 years as his caregiver. IF I ever date again, and that is a REALLY BIG IF, I would want to make sure that I won't end up being his caregiver. I know that there are no guarantees, so at the very least, a future love interest would have to have a a really good, prepaid, long term care insurance, if they have such a thing as prepaid. I'm only 62, and never want to have to do this again, and I don't want anyone to have to take care of me either. I'm getting a long term care plan for myself. But before I ever considered dating anyone, I'm going to take a LONG vacation at some all inclusive resort, where I don't have to think about anything but eating and sleeping!
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After about a year of scheduling and attending appointments my cousin gave me an angry third degree over a two minute conversation with the woman sitting on the other side of me in the doctor's office waiting room. By ten she had me pressured into tending to her issues three times a week. She required more help than what she was being seen for but she had me too stressed to work my way thru. I needed a sound board like this in the worse way.
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I'm a married man, & a caregiver to my disabled wife. She has no will to go anywhere, & I'm looking to get a motocycle again. I would love to date a woman, caregiver, marital status not concerned. My whole life revolves around my disabled wife, & I feel my life slipping away, & would love to spend a little time with a nice woman, even if for 1/2 hour or so at a time. I'm only 56.
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You are all speaking my language (the language of the caregiver) and I will throw in my $.02. I have been on online dating site for several months now… my caregiving requirements have slowed down a bit, I have more free time lately… but have to agree with captain and others that it isn't as easy as being on the right online dating site. I guess it would be a start. I trade plenty of messages, but it just doesn't compute or add up to a real connection. It seems that it happens more naturally in person, by chance… but who has time/place to do that, anymore? I've resigned myself to being a bit lonely for now - well, actually, I've gotten back on Facebook and started socializing amongst old "friends" that way. It seems to fill the gap, for me. And who knows, maybe I'll just meet a friend of a friend… something like that… that way. Good luck, all.
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I definitely think having someone in a similar circumstance to talk with is helpful, makes us feel less alone and when needed, can be very comforting. I just don't want or care to be dating right now...or even later at this point. I have no hesitation dating someone who is a caregiver. I would gladly help them in their situation as if there is anything I have learned is there are truly few people who honestly know how it feels to be so alone and totally depended upon.

It is strange how much it means on the rare occasion when one of my cousins called and just asked if she could bring me lunch. Another time a friend brought us a bowl of freshly made chicken salad...Little things that mean an awful lot...for the most part that kind of support has not been here for me...but I have no problem as far as the topic at hand in dating someone who is or was a caregiver...I am just at a point in life where, more than anything, having no one else who "needs something from me" is what I need most.
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I agree with everyone who states the obvious of finding the time to date is difficult, as we all know we are looking at our watches if we leave our loved ones for more than 30 minutes. If you can, please find a caregivers meeting support group. You will be amazed to see how many people there are, who know exactly what we go thru. I have met many people and offered myself as a shoulder to cry on, while on others days needed someone's shoulder to cry on. I actually met another member and offered to watch her mom when she had errands to run or I would grocery shop and drop of whatever she needed. She did the same for me. YOU MUST GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK...It really helps to have someone in your life that understands.
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I have to say I get amused when folks tell me I need to get out more, they have this friend, that friend who is lonely and maybe we would hit it off.....Oh I would probably hit it off.....what I would hit off is another matter. People who dare to suggest to me that I should date right now, good grief. As tired as I am all the time the only thing I want to do if and when the rare "time to myself" ever arrives (which it rarely does...at least for more than 30 minutes) all I want to do is grab a cup of coffee and stroll around the yard and look at all the flowers my Mom has planted all over the place through the years....Peace and quiet is my greatest ally in order for me to remain grounded. I find enormous solace in the beauty of God's creation. I enjoy just "being still" and knowing that God is in control of all this, even though at times it feels I will fly off the planet, I know God IS in control. He has brought Mama and me too far to just let us falter.

Looking back through the years, I think being in relationships has been my downfall...or at least because of the men I chose it was my downfall. Too demanding, too controlling, and being one of those people who has that desire to save the planet I always seemed to attract the ones who were broken....oh I was good at fixing them...got them all nice and happy and then they were ready to partay....nope, not going there again. I prefer to devote whatever is left of my life to doing what I am doing now, and then, if I have more time, in devoting that time to helping others and serving the Lord....which I also believe we are doing when we are caring for our loved ones.....

I am not one of those "haters" as I have seen wonderful relationships between folks who seemed meant to be....I just never found that and honestly just don't want to look. It may happen, but if it did, I know I would know it and it would be someone whom God wanted me to be with...other than that....nope.
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i dont think that efforts to meet the special person are very productive. i think that relationships begin with a physical attraction , be it an attractive haircut , smile , etc. pheramones havent really been proven or disproven in human attraction but i believe they play a role. once when i stopped smoking tobacco for a few months i found i could actually detect the odor of females when standing near them. yes it could give me a stir. i believe in pheramone attraction. ive been alone for 15 yrs. seems 90 wt gear oil and mortar dust are masking my otherwise irresistable male aroma. my " equal is probably naked , disced lip , bone thru her nose, riding a zebra , living in zimbabwe or therabouts.
despite her primitave surroundings the zebra b**ch is a certified tig welder.
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Awhhh... that was a lovely read Sacrifice777. Maybe it's all those 7's and DING DING DING, jackpot! :)) I know there are decent people out there... it's just getting OUT there to meet some!... like stressedout2010, I suppose I could meet up at the grocery store... if I linger around the produce department long enough maybe I can find someone there?...wait, no...can't linger that long anywhere, got to get back home to the dogs cuz no one is watching them! Heaven forbid they go 30 minutes without her sneaking them food and slurping on them. My poor 18 year old pooch whose deaf/blind for a year now has vertigo... she's always carrying him around UPSIDE DOWN!
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I could meet a date at the coffee shop next to the pharmacy while I wait for Moms prescriptions or at the grocery store.
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Yes it's definitely a tough gig and not many people (including other family members) understand the mental and physical exhaustion, depression and sometimes anger that come with our lives but be hopeful. My then boyfriend's mom was suffering from Alzheimers and simultaneously so wasmy dad. We were each others best support and worked ad a team to be caretakers. We laughed and cried many times together but through it all became best friends and now we are married. We know the importance of sacrifice as well as the need for respite care. Most importantly we know how to take care of and love each other. There is hope. Be encouraged.
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lol jeanette,
one evening , before i even realized my mother had dementia she told me she knew what i was up to . i was getting my friends to ride motorcycles round and round the house at night in order to drive her insane and get all her money. talk about perplexed. i told her i didnt have friends and if i did theyd have better things to do than to screw with her head. after she went to her bedroom i knocked on the door and reminded her to be careful about false accusations. she said " i just love you so much " . had my head spinning but keep in mind, i knew nothing about dementia at this time. i just thought we were both nuts.
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I just told my husband that if something happened to him and my Mom and I found myself alone that I wouldn't date anyone who was a 24\7 caregiver like myself.. I know I would enjoy my new found freedom to much...

But I would date another caregiver while I was care giving. It would be nice to have someone who understood where I was coming from...
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hmmm.... that wouldn't quite be my idea of dating ;) the bike riding maybe... I'd rather save zans for those rainy days when someone wakes up in "oh my gawd the world is out to kill them mode". Which would be today... but.... no zans, for either of us!! LOL bummer....

For what it's worth, I'd have zero problem dating a caregiver. The companionship alone would be worth it, h**l, I'm worth dating but.... I feel "in my head" that I have too many problems going on that I'm actually not worth it. Make sense? If it does, it shouldn't because it's just not true. Besides actually having someone to talk, laugh and smile with about the day to day crazies, can you imagine 2 elderly peeps with the same mentality watching Golden Girls together?? As long as the house is AD proofed it would probably be a hoot. I know my mom gets tired of my company and would LOVE male companionship plus I wouldn't have to constantly hear "OK...what can I help with"!! She'd have her company, I'd have mine... win win!! Another plus.. we could save on parent sitter fee's !

Maybe I'm wishful thinking today.... she woke up in another world this morning, a world filled with people wanting to kill her or me leaving her all alone to die so we can just "Get the money". WHAT MONEY?? ...her arms have been crossed for hours with a sourpuss face to go along with all the accusations. Oh joy!.... now she's demanding lunch and I'm starving her... only a caregiver could smile about these kind of days!
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" dating " im assuming that means getting trashed on zans and going bike riding.
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SA's full of crap as always. two people could have a blast caring for an elder imo. youd get twice as much done with half the effort and frankly if a gal wouldnt help me with my obligations, self imposed or otherwise, i dont need her. id help her with hers.
i dont care, im hung up on shirley manson of garbage fame anyway . the kaiser bill hairstyle finalized the obsession.
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changed my mind.. read a few posts and decided this is not for me. WHY WOULD I DATE SOMEONE ELSE THAT DOESNT HAVE TIME!!!!. My spouse is residing in a memory care community .. I am just getting my own life back.. I want someone that has nothing but time to give to me at this point.. After 10 years of taking care of someone else.. it is my turn.
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I am married, but I read this link and thought heck yes!! I know pee and poop are not romantic.. but my hubby and I talk about it.. it's a thing we deal with in real life as it now is. Relationships are about support! Who else knows what we go through and dosen't run for the hills? The question was about dating... first things first.. then all the rest. I think everyone needs to get to know others who are in the same boat. male or female! Maybe you will make a great friend instead of a romance.. that's great too
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I agree with SA I cant imagine dating someone in my position what do we talk about Poo and Wee? and how do they get urine out of carpets? how romantic!!! NAH! give me a date with a very funny guy thats what we need!
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An after thought...

If they can have "GlutenFree" dating sites, "ClownFree" dating sites...they sure as hell can have a "caregivers' website!! LOL Just saw this on the Ellen Degeneres show.....hmm, maybe I should send her an email!!

Have a wonderful peaceful day everyone!
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Thanks StandingAlone for your honesty. If we can't be honest with our emotions and thoughts, then what is the point anymore?

Life doesn't have to be a 24/7 challenge. Caretakers are special people, we take everything so seriously (least I do) it is hard for us to have fun, relax and simply enjoy life like others seem to be able to. I think denying ourselves of "natural instinct" feelings kind of makes us a bit more bitter in life. I do not want to end up bitter and unhappy, neither do I think my mom would want me to. Heck, she still want's to be playful and have fun. It is in our nature. I took mom to see her only brother whom is a few years older than she is. Of course she did not remember who he was and could not understand how HE knew about HER mother....LOL, but it did not stop her from being flirty and fun with him.

Trust me, I know things are going to get much worse in life....for mom, and for me. I am going to do my best to not let this kill me nor my spirit. I just can't...I'm too young (49) ...normalcy is over-rated and probably zero fun. We have enough hardship in life to add any more to it.

There are many people out there who are kind loving and understanding. It is up to US to make what we are doing for our parent's as best as possible. yea yea, I know I say this now and might come back here another day crying about how bad my life is, but you know what?.....it could be worse. Damned if I am gonna dwell in misery and shit for another 5 years. I love my mother more than that and love myself just as much.

Caretakers are awesome people!
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I'll be honest. I'd stay the h*ll away from any 'care giver' dating site. I took care of my mom for over a decade. The LAST thing I'd want is to date a man that was taking care of HIS mother., or whoever..and, God forbid, tried to get me involved in it. *shudder* I can't imagine why anyone would date someone taking care of an elderly parent full time. That's sad, but true. Where would the couple find the TIME for each other? This site is full to bursting with care givers that can't find the time to get out of the house for themselves for a couple hours! How in the world would they find time for a relationship? Establishing a relationship takes time, effort and commitment...how in the world is a care taker going to commit to YOU, when they're already committed 24/7 to someone else already? In my own experience, I walked around in a fog the last 3-4 years, totally and completely exhausted. Dating crossed my mind once in a blue moon, but I immediately rejected it. If I had any spare moments at all, all I wanted to do was grab some much needed sleep. And sex? Forget it. I was so d*mn tired it was all I could do to shower, let alone try and dredge up the energy for a romp in the hay.

My mom is now in a facility, but I'm still exhausted. I'm getting better, but normalcy isn't going to happen overnight. I need time to myself just to find ME again, forget trying to get to know anyone else at this point. Eventually, yes, I would love to have a new man in my life, even get married again someday. But if I do find someone, and find out they're a full time caregiver, game over. I'm running for the hills. I can't see an idea like this working at all, all things considered. :/
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Have ou looked into a "Meet Up" in you are for caregivers, or any other thing you may be interested in? This will give you an reason to at least break away for a bit and speak to other adults.
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Ha ha, I had thought about the more women less men scenario. I do know a man I dated years ago whom I've stayed in touch with who is and has been caring for his mom for 3 years, but he's on the other side of the US :(

I always feel I have more problems in life and I would just be a burden and look needy trying to date someone. My mother isn't that bad just yet....but she cannot be left alone, ever! Neither does she ever want to go anywhere...

sigh

must be the rain...
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What a wonderful thought. I would guess the women would out number the men, but that's pretty much most dating sites anyway. We don't get out into the "real world" often enough to meet people, and having the same situation would be great. Nobody understands our lives like another care giver.
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