Damn you Guilt!

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Last week I had my last treatment for breast cancer. For a month, I had been truly unable to visit mom in her memory facility (unité prothétique).
Now I can barely function in my own home and depend heavily on my retired husband because on top of all I have Sjogrën syndrome.
And I still feel guilty not to have visited mom. I plan to see her tomorrow and on Christmas Day, even if I'll miss all parties and even Christmas Mass.


Everybody tells me to focus on me as she is well cared of and relatively happy, but they can't know how we, caregivers, feel so damn responsible for the little happy moments we can give to those we used to comfort in their dementia!


You can!


Have the best of time and the peace of heart in this demanding Season!

7 Comments

Oh! Zut! Mom and the others are in quarantine for gastric flu! I don't know now when I'll be able to visit her. Zut! But sure I can talk with her on the phone.  But you know what I mean better than my friends or cousins. God bless you all!
Michou, I know what you are going through. Been there, done that, have the pink t-shirt. For me I never told my parents that I had breast cancer as I didn't want to worry them... plus they would have become helicopter parents which would have driven me crazy.

Recovery from that cancer was exhausting. I needed vitamin B12 shots once a week which were a big help.

And I had to be so careful not be around a lot of people as my immune system wasn't the best. And all the excuses I had to give to my parents for not helping them for this or that. Ah, the guilt big time. I think caregivers are expected to do everything even if it means making ourselves sicker :P
Thank you Frequent Flyer! Yes it is exactly that. I can't say the word cancer to mom even if she forgets a lot of things, that she risks tonremember and worry. So I have the flu instead, less worrisome for her. Now she is confined in her room because of the gastro fright, so I can have her on the phone ( usually she is in the communal room chatting happily!). It is a respite of sort as I don't have to find excuses.

Thank you also to confirm that I am right to skip the family party, because it is a hard decision. Because with the young children it is a microbes bath! I will so miss children, nephews, nieces, and all the in-laws... Thank you!
Have a lovely time with your loved ones!
Michou - you do need to look after yourself. Guilt seems to come with caregiving. Your mum is OK. I have chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia and just cannot do what I could years ago. I see you are in Quebec. It is a beautiful city. I grew up 60 miles west of Montreal and spent a few years there. It is a beautiful city too. Stay where you are safe. You can't afford to get sick. ((((((hugs))))) Bonne chance!
Thank you Frequent Flyer! Yes it is exactly that. I can't say the word cancer to mom even if she forgets a lot of things, that she risks tonremember and worry. So I have the flu instead, less worrisome for her. Now she is confined in her room because of the gastro fright, so I can have her on the phone ( usually she is in the communal room chatting happily!). It is a respite of sort as I don't have to find excuses.

Thank you also to confirm that I am right to skip the family party, because it is a hard decision. Because with the young children it is a microbes bath! I will so miss children, nephews, nieces, and all the in-laws...

Thank you for your kindness!Have a lovely time with your loved ones!
Thank you for your hugs Golden 23. I sympathize with you : fibromyalgia ( mom has it too) and chronic fatigue ( a friend) are not easy either and few people understand that it is not lazyness nor in our heads! Sjogrën is misunderstood also even by doctors! Not easy to deal with it and all those daily tasks and caregiving on top!
I'm so used to focus on mom, it is difficult to shift on me. Thanks for the help!

Take care! It's very cold outside;-)
It is ESSENTIAL for your heath recovery that you do NOT hang onto the guilt.

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