oldcodger2 Posted April 2016

Tiny irritations we all face each day

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My mother in law is very hard of hearing. Has come on over the last 5 years. Had her tested and she 'gets' 2 words out of ten spoken in her left ear and 3-4 in her right ear. She tried a hearing aid, but amplification just isn't the problem. She has nerve deafness and only a cochlear implant will help. She is 91 with many serious health issues - so surgery is out of the question.

Question: WHY won't she LOOK AT ME when I speak to her so that she can at least understand (by lip reading) some of what I say. She will act like she has hear what I say and then if I ask her to tell me what I just said she will say she didn't understand. This is just a TINY daily irritation but I wish I knew WHY she is doing this. As they say, YA GOTTA JUST ''LET IT GO.................''

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Codger, I read in your profile that your MIL had a stroke. There may have been some cognition damage when that occurred/ That might be why she doesn't look at you when you speak.

Given the extent of her hearing deficit, it might be that she does only hear a small portion of what's being said.

You mentioned lip reading - has she actually been trained in how to do it? If not, she probably can't.
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oldcodger2 Apr 2016
Dear staceyb: Dump the stress! DON'T EXPECT SOMETHING FROM SOMEONE WHO IS NOT CAPABLE OF GIVING IT. That one change will save your sanity and your BP!!! I leave breakfast on the counter for my MIL - she nukes it IF/WHEN she feels like eating it. I have lots of home made frozen soups, stews and chili and Lean Cuisines in the freezer. She knows where they are. She can warm them up if/when she wants them.

Make certain that your FIL does not have dementia or something that could interfere with his ability to sense when or if he is hungry. Otherwise, just make a NEW ROUTINE where you make breakfast once for the family (leave his on the counter for him when he is ready for it) and tell him where the frozen meals are kept and make sure there is always something handy for him.

As long as he is 'able' to nuke food when he is hungry and recognize hunger - he will eventually eat. As they grow older they do eat less often. My MIL likes to snack. I keep string cheese, nuts and protein bars (make sure they are truly protein bars and not just the junk kind) and fruit that she can eat whenever she feels like it. Keep these things near his chair. Hope these suggestions help. Hang in there!!
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Rainmom Apr 2016
Mind reading - associated with my pet peeve but it's with regular folk - at the grocery store. I'm a label reader. I'll be standing there reading my label, always making sure me and my cart are out of the center of the isle. Then I'll feel eyes boring into me. Some person standing there glaring at me because they want something off the shelf in front of me. So I say "my mind reading isn't what it use to be - so if you'll say something, I'll generally move out of the way". Sorry - sort of off topic but seems "normal" folk can annoy me more than my mom a lot of the time!
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staceyb Apr 2016
My FIL lives with us, he is of sound mind, though a Narcissist and though have told him time and time again to ask if he needs anything like something to eat, he will continue to sit, watching TV in his study, and not say anything but just waiting to be offered his meals. I've said I'm not a mind reader, and I don't want to be the only one who constantly waits on him, he still remains quiet. Of course, once I do ask him he does want to eat. I don't want to coddle him, as then he continues to hold the control over me, but gheez, can't he just ask once in a while? I would like it if he got off his butt, and walked into the kitchen, as at least then, he would be getting a little exercise! Grrr! I have tried holding out, and making him wait, and then again, I feel like the pile of poo! It's a game he plays, one of many!
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