My father is lazy and entitled. Mom did everything for him and when she died he moved in with us and expects the same treatment.

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My husband, 18 & 21 year old just resent him now. We are all so stressed out because he is able to help but chooses not to. He still drives, refuses to bathe more than once a week and is basically driving us all nuts. He does not do one thing in the house, won't get the mail or empty the dishwasher. He never helped my mom and we jumped into this because of grief and my mom asking us to take care of him. He is 84. I have one brother who does not help. I always have to ask him to take him for lunch or an overnight. I feel used, exhausted from listening to everyone complain and helpless. My father begs us not to put him in a nursing home and says " I have no where to go" so then we feel guilty. I do not see a way out of this. It is eating me alive. Everyone else has it a lot worse I know but he is capable and is just choosing to be an invalid. He watches the news and reads ALL day long. I am at the point that just looking at him makes me mad. Thanks for letting me get this all out.

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classy - what does your husband say when you complain to him? Is he helping out? Is he understanding of your frustration? Can you and your husband move out? If so, do it. If not, your marriage will be in jeopardy.
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I live with my husband and HIS parents. I take care of his parents and work from home on my laptop. We moved in 1 year ago. Each parent has had both knees replaced, and did not do a lick of physical therapy unless the physical therapist was here, in the house. That is the infuriating thing to me. It was important enough for my husband and myself to leave our home, leave our community, move to a different county AND drop clients (my work) because of their needs, but NOT important enough to do physical therapy?

I find myself resenting them because even though they both have brand new legs (basically) they still do NOTHING. The do not even make themselves food.

They do have some health issues. She has Parkinson's, but is NOT an invalid. She chooses to do nothing. He has a pace maker and diabetes, neither of which should cause you to sit in a chair all day and expect someone else to do everything for you.

I feel used, unappreciated, angry, resentful, frustrated, and oh ya guilty for feeling these things.

The father acts like we are putting him out somehow! Unreal. Get this, we even pay them $1k month in rent! HA. What a deal.

Sorry, just venting.
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Deerramsey shut up just.shut.up.
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My 80+ Dad was the same way. Mom had been gone almost 2 years, when he got a new defib/pacemaker. I had been driving him to Dr appts, doing the yard work and shopping, and having dinner with him most nights, so he asked me to move in. He quickly adapted and was finding things for me to do non-stop. Needed things from different stores daily. I was the butler, housekeeper, handyman, groundskeeper, chauffeur, cook, shopper, pill sorter, insulin determiner, etc etc. 8 months in, he told me that I don't do anything to help him. I picked up my coat, and headed home. I came back 5 or 6 hours later, but I was openly resentful for a long time.
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I am afraid that I have created a similar monster in my husband. Don't get me wrong, he works very hard outside the home--but when he is home, he is 100% uninvested on what goes on.
We sleep in separate rooms (he has horrible snoring and RLS) and he does zero to clean up after himself. If I don't make his bed, he'll say "maid have the day off?"
I have commented to the kids that dad is going to have a hard time if I go first. My oldest daughter said "You die first, we put dad in a nice NH the next day. NO WAY are any of us going to baby this man the way you did." Kind of a shock to me, but I said "what if he goes first?" She says, "Oh you can live with me. Or any of the sibs. You'd be great." I will NEVER live with my kids, and have planned it financially so I will never have to. But it did really hurt my hubby to realize he's such a Neanderthal.
He'd groom himself and keep a laundry service, but his house would be a total disaster!
Guess we don't know what happened to the OP. I hope she kicked dad out. At 71 he's capable of living alone. Just sounds like a big brat to me.
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KenyaG0316, where do you live? That will help us provide more meaningful answers.

It sounds like you are stuck in your father's home until you can support yourself. That depends in part on your education level. If you finished high school, why did you not receive a diploma? Is there any way you can correct that? Contact the school board or the school administrators, etc?

If you need a GED, continue to work hard to be able to get it as soon as possible. If it is hard to work on it in your father's home, go to a library or even a shopping mall with a food court -- anywhere you can sit and concentrate on the material.

What is your plan for when you have the diploma or GED? Do you know where you will apply for work? What will you need to be able to live on your own? Will you need 2 months rent and a damage deposit? How long will it take you to save that up? Would living with a roommate be feasible?

Make very specific and realistic plans for when you can expect to be on your own. It won't happen the day after you get your GED. But it can happen if you stay focused on the goal, and realistic in your expectations.

I can see why you feel down on your luck! But that can change. Make it change!
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I have the same problem. Only now I am 26 years old mom died in 2013 from Terminal Illness I was 22 at the time. My dad he started to be lazy he stop doing all the stuff he use to do like clean up this house. My mom was 57 when she passed away. My dad was 62 now he is 66 ready to be 67 he depends on me and my oldest brother he is at least 42 years old. I have other two siblings another other brother he is 38 and my youngest sister is 24 ready to be 25. Everyone has a great life not staying home with dad. I am the last one who stay here with him he don't love me no more he see me as a ugly person which I am not worst part is I graduated high school but I didn't receive a diploma now I am busting my a** to get a GED so I can work I feel down on my luck no can help me.
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Ahemby; It sounds like what your dad wants and needs is a place to live with maid service. It's called Independent Living. It's like a cruise ship with no water. Find several in your area and take the tours (which include free lunch) with dad. He won't be lonely. Men are less well represented in these places and he'll have plenty of social partners.
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Ahemby, I just noticed your original post was over a year ago.... please give us an update regarding your Dad. Were you and your family able to get Dad to help you round the house?
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Back when I was single, never did I see a *Bachelor* who was starving to death, wearing dirty clothes and had a rat infested house :)
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