My dad has been in a nursing home since August 2012. He was very independent before this and he is getting angrier and angrier every day he is there. I have picked him up every Saturday since he has been in and taken him to stores, the bank, drives, etc. Today he called me and I told him I am very sick, maybe need to wait until Monday to do errands. He became belligerent, cursing at me, saying how I am putting him out. He is very ungrateful for the things I do. I pay for all of his "toiletries, personal items, clothes, etc" as he has no money, no saving, no life insurance, nothing - I had to let his life insurance go because he was paying $157 a month on it still - term life - and I could not pay it. He is on total Medicaid there. They give him his $30 a month that Medicaid leaves for him - he does not give it to me - that is okay though. I told him I would pay for all his personal items and he knows this. I just feel he is very ungrateful. When I take him on outings on Saturdays, he criticizes everything I do, curses, very negative, and to top it all off he can barely get in and out of the car - his legs dont work too well. Im afraid he is going to fall and I have to call 911. Well, he has other issues but I cant go into those right now. Do I still get him every Saturday even though he treats me so terribly and I am fearful of his falling (he does us a walker) or do I stop all of this - tell him I will bring what he needs only and visit him - not take him to the store anymore. I am very torn about this. Please give me your advice. I need help please. Judy
I am a very similar position. I have an angry dad in a NH (one year now), and a not-so independent, self-medicating Mom who lives down the road. We moved them to near in my town so I could care for them but all I did was move all the dysfunction closer. I do my dad's laundry and visit him and he is nasty. Also on Medicaid. Sometimes I know he knows how much I have sacrificed and some days he is the nastiest SOB u ever met. I stopped taking him out because he can't walk anymore. Thanksgiving was his last trip out and my husband and I carried the wheelchair up the stairs to my house. He had a good day but enough is enough. And I know you will get to this point soon, just not yet. Do what you can, but in the end, he is in a place where he is safe and cared for. Write me back if you want to chat more about it.