My 87 year old dad has home hospice, with pancreatic cancer. He has been on it for about two weeks. He wanted to have some kind of quality end of life, didn't want to just feel horrible all the time, he said. But he has just been lying in the hospital bed, not in pain, but confused and sad and failing. He "just wants to go" and it is breaking my heart to see him go on and on in such a state.

I guess I don't have a question. just needed to get it out.

You are suffering for them, but for good or for bad, having had a LOT of experience with this through 4 very, very dear LOs, I feel safe in suggesting to you that what he was telling you about his end of life hopes in the past are probably not part of his current thinking.
The music is a wonderful idea, not too loud, in the background, also there are little plug in atomizers of lavender and other soothing scents that are soothing. Some are made by the Vick’s company and there’s also a NyQuil vaporizer if you can find them.
Take extra good care of yourself. They will know at some level when you are especially stressed, so do things FOR YOURSELF that are calming and soothing FOR YOU.
Gentle hopes and thoughts-

i will play him music, he might like that. great idea, thank you.

my mom.... ugh. she has cognitive impairment, a little. we have a woman that lives there with them, she is so helpful but a bit of language barrier. mom keeps asking dad what he wants to eat (not eating) and who is going to take him to his bed (sleeps in the hospital bed) and basically just walks around constantly asking questions of him, which he can't answer. most of the time she is fine, but acts wacky sometimes.

it's so sad because this is exactly what he didn't want, and why he chose hospice... to linger, unable to do anything and not living. i can't stand thinking of him there, confused, helpless, wanting to die. i just want it to end for him.

((((((((hugs))))))))) to you, Edith. Yes, this is SO hard to watch. Does he have any activities that he likes to do? Looking at picture albums, listening to music from when he was young?

When my mom was on Hospice, my SIL and I played her music from musicals, from the American songbook and from Opera, all of her favorites.

How is your mom doing?

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