He just wants to use alcohol to kill himself. He went through a physical detox, at a hospital, but won't go to any AA meetings or get any type of counseling. From the hospital he went into a nursing home because he has alcohol induced polyneuropathy. After 6 weeks, he was doing so well, I actually picked him up 2 days early. He was home for 3 hours, I went into the bathroom, and the next thing I knew, he was pulling out of the driveway. He went to buy booze. In one afternoon, he downed a pint of whiskey and a 6 pk. He did that for 2 days, when other family members came to assist and we started controlling his amounts. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. If I don't get it for him, he goes into angry rants and tries to walk to town, 15 miles away. If I do get it and try to monitor it, he just demands more. tonight he couldn't get out of his chair, I can no longer physically help him, as I have a hernia, caused from helping lift him in the past. He does have dementia, but doesn't seem to forget that he drinks. I have hidden his keys now and he is angry about that. He is not beyond driving drunk, as he did this in the past before his detox. He doesn't remember that he agreed to detox, he blames me for putting him in there. I have a brother & we share POA, but he feels, I should just pack up and leave and let my dad suffer the consequences. I am not able to do that. I know that the easy answer is not to buy him his booze, but it isn't that simple. He doesn't want to do hobbies, he has alienated all his friends. He just wants to kill himself with the alcohol. Part of me says, ok, go ahead, and part of me feels so much pain for my dad. I feel like a rubber band pulled too many ways. Thank you for letting me tell my story, I guess I really don't have a question.
You CAN'T make him stop drinking. Right now, though you THINK you are helping him, you are actually enabling him to keep drinking.
Stop buying alcohol. You say it's not that simple, but YES IT IS! Stop allowing him to drink in your home(or if it's his home, leave). Do not give him car keys or money.
If he wants to keep drinking he can figure it out himself. If he walks to the booze store, and falls on the way, they will bring him to the hospital...don't pick him up. They can place him in a nursing home.
Above all, stop blaming yourself for something you can't ever and will never control. You are a great person and have gone WAY above and beyond for him.
I have been through it for years. It never changes unless they want it to chance. With the case of my ex, he never wanted it to change, still doesn't, and has lost his mind, and his freedom because of it (he tried to kill me).
A bad thing about someone caught up in a serious alcohol addiction is they end up hurting people around them. They will lie, manipulate, and steal to get a drink. My brother would steal from my parents when they gave him a place to stay. He went into my purse twice when he and I were both here visiting my parents. He didn't get anything, because I knew to lock my wallet up in my car's glove box. Otherwise he would have taken my money. The last time I saw him he was on his way to rehab. He asked me if I would drive him. It made no sense, since he had a car he could drive there. I knew he wanted to hit me up for money, so I told him no, he could drive there. He would have to have the car when he got out, anyway. I knew the mind of an addict and didn't want to put up with him trying to manipulate me.
Rehab didn't work. He got out and went straight back to drinking. He had so many chances, but his attachment to the bottle was so strong. The only thing one can do for an addict is give opportunities and incentives for them to want to change. And if they don't want to, the worst thing we can do is enable their self destruction. They can do that all alone. Pam's advice to get with Al-Anon was excellent. Pattip, you have the extra consideration of the age of your father. If you think he will drive under the influence, alert your local police to be on the lookout. They may be able to intervene in a way that you can't.
Parents can certainly put their children into predicaments at times.
You can't stop a alcoholic from drinking, left on his own he can't and won't stop drinking. By all means a drunk driver can kill someone!!
Find your Dad a good nursing home and pack up and start living you on life.
I wish you and your family the best! Stay strong and take care of yourself.