Cutting ties with sister - Knowing when It's time to walk away.

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This is the last time my sister will bad-mouth, belittle, and degrade me and my husband by texting or any other means. It took place today regarding visiting my father at the nursing home. She's his legal guardian and lives out of state. My husband and I visit him regularly as we live in town, with yesterday being the most recent visit. She hasn't seen him in 3 months and is a 3-hour flight away. My father has decided to discontinue dialysis after about 1.5 years and has been skipping treatment off/on for months and his health is deteriorating quickly. She called asking me to check on him today and I said it would be later due to the weather. She later texted asking my husband to go check on him after he got off work. I replied and said that she and my other sister should fly down here to see him as it's only 3 hours away, as he would need their support, too. She has the time as she isn't employed and the other sister works part-time. Cost wouldn't be an issue as her travel expenses would be covered as part of her legal guardian role. That's when the bad-mouthing texts began. In one evening, I was called psycho, jealous, coward, freak, stupid jackass, denied my being a Christian, and lazy ass. My husband was called "old, crusty, fossil, foot in the grave, and we're sickening to watch." All of this name-calling because we didn't jump when she said hop to go and check on my father as we did the night before. I'm fed up with the verbal bashing as this has gone on for a LONG time (decades), and not only when my father was ill. I stood up for myself and had things to say to her as well; I just didn't sit there and take it. But enough is enough. She mentioned she knows when I post things on this caregiver forum, so if you see this, sister, I'm thankful because I want others out there to know about your bullying personality.


We would never accept that kind of talk from a friend, coworker or neighbor. Why would we take it from a relative?
You have been belittled for no reason and I applaud your decision to not be on the receiving end of bad treatment anymore. You deserve the same as respect as anyone does.
LillyBloom, oh how Awful to be treated so poorly, especially by your own sister, and you here doing all of the visiting, and probably much much more for your Dad. What she did was outright rude, and Yes, a form of bullying! For your sake, I hope she does come onto the AC forum, as she needs to learn a little about respect, compassion, and about what we Caregivers go through, in the everyday Care and Management of our Loved ones.

Yes, unfortunately it is usually a job where the brunt of the workload is put upon one family member, while the others criticise from afar, probably to relieve themselves of their Guilt from not doing enough, and that somehow makes them feel better about things. We see that sort of behavior all to often, here on the AC, it's disgusting, and I'm sorry you have been treated this way! You take care, and do so by putting up those boundaries! You deserve an apology, but I doubt it will make you feel any better if this is a pattern for her. Sorry

I am concerned about my father and would like someone to check up on him for me.

I know! I'll demand that my sister does it. When she replies that it will have to wait a bit, I will roundly insult her and her husband and expect that to change her mind.

I'm not sure your sister had her eyes entirely on the prize, Lilly. How's your dad?

This person claims to be a CHRISTIAN? Is she also a drunk, perhaps and says these things "in her cups"? Or has she not even that excuse.

Visit your father as you see fit. And tell her for me that patience is chief amongst Christian values and she might look into that.
Point of order: it's love, not patience. Not that she couldn't do with a bit more of that as well.

But that's okay. Love doesn't mean you have to volunteer for abuse, just try your best not to retaliate. And sometimes keeping a safe distance is the only way.
Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience, Kindness and Humility. THOSE virtues. The seven of them, as opposed to the seven deadly sins, Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed and Sloth.
I score much more highly on the sins. Sigh. They're just so much *easier*!
(Raises hand) me too.
Thank you everyone for your support. That's why I posted it on this forum, to receive some objective comments about what I experienced. It's so tragic that our relationship has deteriorated, especially during this time of year (or any time for that matter). Our father needs us to be together (physically and emotionally) for him during his final days. The verbal bashing didn't accomplish a thing but severing our relationship. Oh -- an interesting side event: About 3 weeks ago when my father was in the hospital for a gall bladder infection, she contacted her lawyer who lives in town, to pay a visit in order to tamper with his cell phone so that he couldn't call anyone! My dad said he entered the room and said "so, you're up to your usual sh**", took his phone out of the room and removed the SIM card so he couldn't make/receive calls! He lied to my dad and said he liked his phone and wanted to check out the model. That's when he took the phone out of the room. He was there all of about 10 minutes (and invoiced his "visit"). My sister didn't want him having a cell phone to make/receive calls, but now that his friend replaced the SIM card, he has cell phone access. Since then, she's been "calling" him repeatedly, making a point to tell me how long and how many times they've talked and that "I don't even call him!" Completely dismissing what she had her lawyer do a few weeks ago! It's completely absurd! Just a sampling of how she operates.
Maybe he needs a disposable phone with a number your loving sis does not have.
AND what a sleazy lawyer. wow, just, wow Had he been abusing the phone by sending $ to nigerian royalty?

Keep track of all these interactions in a journal.

Also, does this sister not have any relationship with the nursing director of the facility. That is the fastest way to check in with out being there.

Good luck to you.

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