Thank you all for previous comments about my dilemma with parents who live in their own home and refuse to supplement sibling care with home health care 2-3 days a week. Sibs have been providing 24/7 care and are losing it. The one sibling who Mom ALWAYS listens to says "No way anyone is coming into this house". So I just made the decision to stand up for myself and schedule two days with one overnite per week to assist my parents in their home. I feel so freed and energized already!
We had a family meetinG as suggested jand asked our mother what kinds of help whe and Dad need and if sibs have already been doing it (and we have), what has worked and what hasn't. Biggest needs are mornings with Dad's meds, dressing, etc. and evenings before bed with meds. We asked Mom if she could handle even two nights a week after Dad goes to bed) until someone would come at 8:30 am (before we wake him). She might have to wake up at 7:00 am. if he happens towake up early by himself.. She said she could not say. "Things change, I take it day to day".
We then re-introduced topic of bringing in home care 2-3 days a week for 5 hours (8:30 am -1:30 pm) which we had proposed even before her heart issues. We discussed that their needs will only increase with time and they and the sibs need the help that many elderly use to remain in their home with proper care and safety. She again refused "If I have to do it myself, I will". So this is the best I can do. Nothing will change if sibs continue to 24/7. Who knows, maybe the "favorite son" will take it all over.