She made a statement I have to address. She said if you put your mom or dad in a nursing home is a chicken way out. My opinion if your parent has dementia and 90 yrs old lives a lone refuses to come live with you stop hardly eating anything, no bath in months and thinks she has already taken a bath, very hateful and will not cooperate what so ever no matter how nice we are to her and is affecting our health yes it is time for a nursing home. You should still go see her make sure she is being taken care of. We found her on the kitchen floor and she does not even remember when she fell. Took her in ambulance no broken bones. She can not walk anymore try rehab she doesn't understand anything is even wrong with her they said she is in stage 6 of dementia. There is 7 stages! Anyone with a good judgement knows when its time!
Why people think an untrained relative can provide better care for someone who can't ealk, eat, or take themselves to the bathroom than a team of people trained to do just that is absurd.
My mother would have been dead three years sooner (and taken me with her) had I tried to care for her myself. It did kill my dad, and she wasn't even all that bad yet. I cared for her and my dad for two months, and I was a jittering zombie by the end of it. (Who knew you need sleep??) Her memory care raised the quality of her life up from where it had been the previous five years at home.
Ignore people who talk the talk without walking the walk.
Sorry, this kind of guilt tripping is just wrong in every way.
People that have never done the boots on the ground, day to day caregiving don't get an opinion.
People get to a point they need a village and that is the sad truth.
Talk is cheap. It's time for a facility.
She is sadly misinformed. Just ignore her.
There comes a time when it takes a village to take care of one parent(s). One or two persons cannot do it all. Like you said, it can affect your health. My Mom refused to downsize or have strangers in the house but after a terrible fall at home, she had to be placed in a nursing home because she forgot how to walk and would fall when she stood up. Heavens, I was a senior myself.
Of course your mother needs round-the-clock care with stage 6 dementia, which is something most of us mere mortals are not equipped to provide them with inside of our homes. My mother is 95 in January, wheelchair bound, incontinent with advanced dementia herself, and living in Memory Care AL since June of 2019. I'll have to move her into Skilled Nursing this summer if she's still alive and apply for Medicaid b/c her $$$ will run out to continue with private pay in Memory Care. There's no way I can care for her in my home; she has way too many issues and her wheelchair wouldn't even fit into one of my bathrooms. Never mind that she's taken 41 falls in Memory Care alone, and 40 earlier falls in Assisted Living. In home care is just too much for some seniors to expect.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.