(Crazy World)

A nursing home IS caring for a loved one.

Why people think an untrained relative can provide better care for someone who can't ealk, eat, or take themselves to the bathroom than a team of people trained to do just that is absurd.

My mother would have been dead three years sooner (and taken me with her) had I tried to care for her myself. It did kill my dad, and she wasn't even all that bad yet. I cared for her and my dad for two months, and I was a jittering zombie by the end of it. (Who knew you need sleep??) Her memory care raised the quality of her life up from where it had been the previous five years at home.

Ignore people who talk the talk without walking the walk.

We would like to place mom in memory care but so scared they will take dad's house if he dies first. He only has 30k in bank and the house but still doesn't qualify for medicaid. I think I need to see a lawyer about how to handle this. Dad is trying to care for her alone and he is 85 she is still at home with him. I live 35 miles away fighting colon cancer and my husband has heart failure and Respitory failure. I do have hospice that comes 2x per week to bathe her but they won't come if she poops her pants between times. I cry most nights trying to find away to fix this or help.

How do you know their actions by stages? My mom doesn't really follow any of those guidelines different days or different ways

Words are cheap. SHE can say whatever she likes. Seems to me that just spouting words and not actually doing anything is the chicken way out.

Stop trying to reason, explain, and no arguing. It’s getting you nowhere. Hope you have POA and her doctor will help in getting her to a safe place with good care

Each family will have to do what works best for the family as a whole to try to keep the person with the disease safe. That will look different for each family.

I think one of the basic issues is:  who is "she"?  And what role does "she" play in you and your mother's life?   My query is based on whether or not this person is a meddler, and/or should you even be bothered by her observations, or just tell her politely that it's none of her business.

I would fluff my feathers, shake my tail and walk away from "she" before I pecked her eyes out and crapped on her shoes.

Sorry, this kind of guilt tripping is just wrong in every way.

People that have never done the boots on the ground, day to day caregiving don't get an opinion.

People get to a point they need a village and that is the sad truth.

"She" is wrong. There comes a time for many when professional care is the best and maybe the only option. My mother was 106 when she died. I was 81. She had mental illness as well as vascular dementia. There was no way I could have cared for her hands on. As it was, even with her in a facility, my job as her POA financial and medical and eventually her executrix was overwhelming at times.

Talk is cheap. It's time for a facility.

Who is "she"?

She is sadly misinformed. Just ignore her.

mamarn3, I remember one time a co-worker overheard me complaining about driving my very elderly parents (mid-90's) here, there, everywhere. She said, "don't forget when you were a child, your parents drove you everywhere". To which I said, "yes, that's true, but my parents weren't 65 when I was a child, big difference".

There comes a time when it takes a village to take care of one parent(s). One or two persons cannot do it all. Like you said, it can affect your health. My Mom refused to downsize or have strangers in the house but after a terrible fall at home, she had to be placed in a nursing home because she forgot how to walk and would fall when she stood up. Heavens, I was a senior myself.

Whoever 'she' is is making an ignorant statement, in my opinion. Has 'she' offered to take your mother into 'her' house to care for her 24/7/365? If not, then 'she' should keep her mouth shut & her opinions to herself because armchair critics are the absolute WORST! They love to pass judgement on others while sitting in their armchairs doing nothing.

Of course your mother needs round-the-clock care with stage 6 dementia, which is something most of us mere mortals are not equipped to provide them with inside of our homes. My mother is 95 in January, wheelchair bound, incontinent with advanced dementia herself, and living in Memory Care AL since June of 2019. I'll have to move her into Skilled Nursing this summer if she's still alive and apply for Medicaid b/c her $$$ will run out to continue with private pay in Memory Care. There's no way I can care for her in my home; she has way too many issues and her wheelchair wouldn't even fit into one of my bathrooms. Never mind that she's taken 41 falls in Memory Care alone, and 40 earlier falls in Assisted Living. In home care is just too much for some seniors to expect.

Wishing you the best of luck moving forward.