Sorry for the rant but with the onset of these stupid BLM riots & ensuing curfews on top of everything Closed due to Covid; I really think I'm losing it! I used to be able to go to the bar & shoot a few games of pool and talk for a couple hours with friends on the occasional Sat evening; at the local pool tourney. Mom doesn't understand having to wear a mask for the store or to get her hair done let alone remembering it an hour later. If I make a sound, she's up like a shot and hounding me to come downstairs and stare at the boob tube. I can't work on my cars, **she complains I don't care to spend time with her**. I can't stay upstairs to clean (GOD know how Bad I need to clean & organize) w/o her; **response **. If I'm upstairs trying to sleep and go to the bathroom during that time, **response**. I try to get her up before I try to do something for myself and she wants another 5-10-15 min so after an hour I tell her I gotta do something, **response**. BTW, I'm also one of the few that I know of that are under 60, divorced, has LO living with them, over-employeed (5-12's/wk), on swingshift & haven't been able to get ahead finacially for the last 5 years because of her condition because of having to lose 1 job. My current one allows FMLA W/O pay but takes away all vac, personal & sick time but forces you to take your mandatory 2-4 week vac every year due to contract stipulations related to the stressful nature of the job but refuses to fight to get our vac pay "safe" if you have FMLA. Just shoot me. I have NO escape until the world regains their sanity before I lose mine!!!!!

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Sonny, have things gotten any better for you?

It really sounds as though you need to start researching placements in your area, depending of course, on how COVID is behaving in your area.

If caring for your mom is having an impact on your ability to make a living and save for YOUR retirement, other arrangements need to be made.

My opinion only.

My mom's mantra was "I never want to cost my children money". I had to give up a second job, even though mom was in care; I felt obliged to visit her once a week and she was 90 minutes away. I couldn't do that on one weekend day and do my second teaching job on the other weekend day; it left me with no time at all to re-charge.

Hoping that things have eased up a bit in your area.

I hate labelling and/or name calling as a way to shut down people with opposing views, IMO it is a tactic that allows their opponents to pigeon hole them into nice neat compartments and completely shut down rational discussion.

Mom and I are high risk so we will be taking the vaccine as soon as available. My nephew and his wife in their 40s plan on taking the vaccine when available both because they have some risk factors and to avoid becoming potential carriers. I'm not so sure people who low risk of health impacts or carrying to older relatives should be as quick. Medications and vaccines have passed FAA safety testing using thousands of people and still shown bad impacts on certain groups after mass distribution to millions of people. Assuming CV seems to be fairly well contained, maybe delay until fall of 2021 when there's a history of safe distribution?

As mentioned, 40% of people will not get the vaccine if and when available.

Once there is a proven vaccine, and it's been made widely available to those who want it, my thought is life can go back to "normal", whatever that looks like. If you choose not to get the vaccine, and you get the virus, that's on you. This also goes for the "innocent bystanders" who would contract it from symptomless others. If you have the vaccine, you won't get it.

Right now there is no way to prevent becoming infected. Wearing a mask and social distancing are our best options. Once those who want the vaccine, when available, have had an opportunity to get it, my feeling is that those who choose not to get it are on their own. Why wear a condom when you've had a vasectomy and you only have one partner?

And here we have a thread by the specialist little snowflake in the blizzard lol. It truly is a fascinating way to study the Midwestern North American Karen (scientific name Whingeia Entitleus) in its natural habitat

Millions dead of a virus around the world, but oh no, I can't go to a bar or play pool.

Corona Karen, I dub thee.

This is a frightening time. Things are upside down and sideways. People don't react well to change, in general, and this is a major upset.

We need to be kind.
We need to be smart.
We need to think globally, or at least locally!
We need to respect the rules that are trying to keep us safe.
We need to love more and judge less.
We need to remember we are ALL in this together.
We need to re-examine our feelings about racism and equality and how it affects each and every one of us.
We need to slow the pace of our lives a little and do a good thing daily.

"stupid BLM riots" says so much about you....Maybe find a way to have realistic feelings towards humanity and you won't be so bitter. Everything else may fall into place. You have to care about others if you want them to care about you.

Sonny65, life as we know it is on a major time out. And taking care of a parent makes it almost impossible mentally because due to age and age related issues an elder can't do everything they use to do years ago. I bet her friends have either moved away or had passed :(

Even though both my parents had passed a few years ago, I wonder how they would react to the virus. I can't imagine my Mom wanting to wear a mask. Dad would.

The way I deal with the virus limitations is to think back to the times of when my grandparents had lived. Imagine life without a cellphone [kind of hard to carry around that large wooden box known as a wall telephone, ring ring].... no computers.... no television... no light bulbs, my Dad did his school work by kerosene lamp as the house had no electricity.

No two zone heat. Heat came from a kerosene furnace that warmed the main floor rooms. On the ceiling were open registers that you could see upstairs when the floor registers were opened, that was the way the heat got to the upstairs.

Oh, the bath room was the little house behind the big house, imagine going out there at night, had to light a candle or use moon light. Interesting part, my Dad and his brothers were never bored. What did my grandparents do for a living? Farming. No paid vacations, no paid sick leave, no FMLA, no health insurance, no social security, no Medicare.

Makes one appreciate what they do have now a days, even during the pandemic.

If you have a front porch or front steps, go outside for a break and watch whatever is in your neighborhood. I have a bird feeder and it is so cute and comical watching baby birds flying for the first time. They can't get the hang of landing yet :)

Thankfully you are working. I am in the process of closing up a business that my boss started over 50 years ago. He thought the C-19 virus was overblown, a hoax, etc. He died of the virus last month. If only he would have worked from home, and STAYED home. He had a zest for life.

Keep safe.

That would be very entertaining TNtechie to watch the one sided rant.

A good way to blow steam off the pressure of not being able to accommodate the request.

This made my day imagining her giving you the what for in silent pictures🤣

Who stays with your mother when you are working? Could you arrange some respite hours? Do you have any way of monitoring your mother without your physical presence?

Toward the end of the CV safer at home in our area, Mom would go on a rant 1-2 afternoons a week where she demanded we go visit someone, anyone, right NOW! After explaining we couldn't go visit today, trying to distract her various ways (including planning tomorrow's visits), I finally settled her into her recliner (which she cannot get out of without my help) turned off the baby monitor I use to listen to my mother and used a camera without sound to keep an eye on her while I relaxed in my room, or cleaned in the kitchen. Mom did keep up a one sided dialog for a while, but eventually gave up when I didn't respond. It wasn't ideal, but it did allow me/us to have a break for 1-2 hours.

I go for long, mindless drives.

DH is WFH and he needs it to be quiet, as he is often on long calls.

Funny, as much as I thought how much I'd enjoy a period of time where I would clean and organize some much needed areas of my home, I have found that my anxiety level is so high, I can't focus.

I get outside as much as possible, so that's a plus.

We're outside of a larger city, but no rioting or real enforced curfews.

COVID is here to stay, and all we can do is be careful and wait and pray for a vaccine. I had a chemo infusion last week (had cancer last year this is the FU treatment) and my oncologist said that even WITH a proven vaccination, 40% of the population won't take it. Same as flu vaccines.

People are outside and most families I know are meeting and hanging out together.

I don't have a mother or father to look after--just my immunosuppressed DH and myself. Dh forgets to wear a mask, and I do hassle him about that--saying 'You may think you won't get this, but if you do, it will probably kill you. And, hey, you could give it to me!" So he's about 75% compliant.

My 90 yo mother gets out once a week. YB takes her to the grocery store and she sits in the car with a mask on. It's really stupid, but she feels like she's been 'out'.

Make sure you have a place in your home that is all yours and retreat to it when you can. Even with just DH and me, I need to be able to get away from him. And he definitely needs space from me!!

Curfews will, of course, be self limiting problem. They will not go on long. Covid-19, however WILL go on long, and you can't afford to bring it home. Has to be so difficult to not get out for some relief. Try to create space and time to sit with your feet up and watch your favorite program with a beer until this passes. Meanwhile, I notice a whole bunch of people, when I am out for my walk, who are using this time to clean out garages, build something in the garage, and so on. It is a good time for getting organized and will make you feel lots better.

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