She seems to be bipolar.  Help! I need this job. The daughter knows it. She is cunning, behaves in a passive aggressive fashion, changes rules from day to day and seems to derive pleasure from ordering me to not dare ask for clarification on a rule that she has set down firmly on a Monday that she arbitrarily changes on a Tuesday but rather than to share that she's changed the rule she watches me follow Monday's rule, yells at me and when I am genuinely wanting to understand exactly what she wants me to do which I consistently ask in a polite and kind way, she orders me to shut up and to leave the room. She knows I need this job. I am a mature 60 year old who has enjoyed a relationship with clients for years. This woman becomes cruel, imputes egregious shortcomings on my part, and excuses me from a room after she yells at me. In a few minutes she smiles, is kind and polite. I am forbidden to ask for clarification. Yes,I am actively looking for another job. And once I find it I plan to resign. In the meantime I wonder if there is any legal recourse to simply protect me, hold her accountable, etc. As smart as I am, I am lost here. Her parents are so lovely and they and I have a best working relationship with great laughter and cordiality. When the daughter arrives in late afternoon every day, the house feels like a dark cloud hangs over it. The father stops smiling, the mother becomes manipulative and quiet. So sad.

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Do you live in? If so I would retreat to your living quarters whenever the daughter shows up and refuse to interact with her. If you come in daily then use the time she is there to do laundry or run errands or anything else you can to keep away from her. If she is changing "rules" (what is this, grade school??) constantly and arbitrarily then there is no sense bothering to clarify or try to comply. I'm sure there are laws about harassment in the workplace, but even in regular workplaces they are hard to prove and enforce, your best option is to just get out.

I hope you find another job, pronto. This woman sounds like a nightmare and you don't deserve to be spoken to in that manner and treated that way.

Do you work for an agency? Have you discussed this with them? This woman should be reported to the agency so future caregivers know what they're getting into.

Legally, I don't know if there's anything you can do. Do you have any proof of the behavior? A recording on a cell phone maybe? I'm not sure a lawyer can stop someone from being mean. Plus, she's the daughter. She was there before you and she'll be there after you're gone. Maybe an employment lawyer could give you advice. But if you're actively looking for another job do you really want to spend money on a lawyer?

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