Count Your Blessings and Lucky Stars!

Thank you, Jerome. Yes, the fight what they don't understand. That makes sense. Hard to keep it in perspective when in the midst of battle. Not sure what you meant by your third sentence... Can you explain? Thanks for the clarification on the other. You're up late.

God is good every day, and his mercies are new every morning. I pray he blesses your day, fellow Caregivers. Already, some of you have blessed mine, and I thank God for you!

Anne, I hope I didn't send this again!!! I am So Happy I found you, you are such a blessing . I sat here for a few minutes before I have to go see my Dad and I haven't laughed so hard in sooooo long!!! One minute I'm crying and cracking up the next you are all the best I needed this- amazing how things work out!!! Love to all, Michele

Michele, so glad you are part of this site. You are definitely a blessing, and I'm counting more: Carol, Jerome, Mitzipinki, Nauseated, Neonwocky, Austin, Pintos, ...don't want to forget anyone...

Yes, we have all been a blessing to each other. I just got about 20 minutes to myself, even locked the dog in the house and sat on my front porch!!!!!!!! Hope we continue to look fir the silver lining. My daughter just wrote to her group of contributors. She can no longer run marathons for her favorite charity( knee injury) , but can do triathlons!!!!!! She titled the email Silver Linings. We are both blessed.
Linda

Hi lovingdaughter! You've been a blessing as well. I am so thankful for my wonderful friends and fellow loving caregivers.

I am so thankful that this country was founded under the principle of One Nation Under God. She has lost her bearings, and now we pray, Please, God Bless America, once again. We are being tried and found wanting. So few want to acknowledge God as the head of all things. I am thankful that whatever happens, we will always have the freedom to worship the Creator. No man can stop that. One day every knee will bow, and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. In the meantime, we live in a sinful place, and we have all gone astray. I am grateful that my family is going to heaven when they die, and this is just a temporary place on the way. Thank God for his grace and mercy, lest we all become consumed. Thank God for second and third chances, his love and forgiveness. We love because he first loved us.

Amen!

In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. (He being Jesus) so he was with God the whole time before life even began. AMEN

Hi Naus! Neon, you're going to get me in trouble! God bless you ladies. Thanks for your posts.

I am thankful my Dad didn't choke the man he went after again last night in the Nursing Home. They are going to have to "medicinally restrain" him, so to speak, as his aggression is worsening, and he's a harm to others. So sad. I hate Alzheimer's Disease! I am thankful this facility knows and understands, and is trying to help. We could use some prayer. Thank you. God is still good. "Better to me than I deserve" (D. Ramsey).

My MIL had alzheimers, she was also a diabetic when we put her in nursing home she would walk over to someons plate and take their roll or dessert, and if the person got up and took it back she would smack them right in the face. These facilities understand it is the disease not the person and we have to seperate the two. They know how to handle these things and we cannot worry over every little incident send that worry to God. now


How are we going to get you into trouble?

OK maybe I got myself in trouble! Will talk later. Mom's appointment with Geritrician soon, and Dad's needs...

Selling tickets...OK maybe I got myself in trouble! Will talk later. Mom's appointment with Geritrician soon, and Dad's needs...

no trouble just a saying I have when things get a little out there just joking

Todays blessing is even though it is raining again the tress are all in blossoms and the bushes also and flowers are in bloom and it is very pretty outside and the inprovements to this site are great it will br helpful to ask questions aor to start a new topic and a lot easier-thank you Carol-you are a blessing also and really understand our problems because you have lived them and are living them-thank you.

Hi Anne, I've been looking after another person with dementia (not alzheimers) as well as my mom, so I have been busy and not able to post. "When the fight is weak, they still want to live, to communicate with their face, their eyes, to eat, to enjoy, " What I meant by this sentence is - even though the person is overwhelmed by their dementia, they still struggle to show you who they are/where they are as they are able. My mother can still smile in expectation as I pull her up to stand- as I begin to dance with her - sometimes she will sing a tune with garbled words, but the tune is sweet, and I try to dance to the cadence of her song. Maybe I am lucky to have such a sweet mother(when she is properly medicated) She still has a great smile!
I just want to say I am thankful for my adversity, for it helps me put in perspective
how good my good times really are. Does that help? Jerome.

Amen that this country has women like Anne, Neon, LDaughter, Naus, Look there is more of you than I can list, suffice it to say Christan men and women need to pray for one another, and hang toegther! Thank God for Dave Ramsey! Jerome.

I have two blessings today to count or perhaps its just one

Hubby was supposed to spend the day with me saturday we planned it for a week he spent zilch time with me sat. no excuses just sat in front of tv all day, I am thankful I did not blow up the TV and wring his neck.

We have been in a drought for the last three we have had rain for days and days and days it is great for my gardens and everyones wells, the only conversation I can have with my mother is (Miss doom and gloom) "Oh this rain if it don't stop it is so depressing) well you never leave the house anyway its not like your going to sit in the sunshine!! I am thankful I didn't strangle her. There have to be some changes because I am thankful for the teenie tiny bit of sanity I have left. sooooooo when all else fails turn to humor.

REPLACEMENT WINDOWS


Last year I replaced all the windows in my house
with that expensive double-pane energy
efficient kind, and
today, I got a call from the contractor
who installed
them.

He was complaining that the
work had been completed a whole year ago
and I still hadn't
paid for them.

Hellloooo,...........just because I'm
blonde doesn't mean that
I am automatically stupid.

So, I told
him just what his fast talking sales guy
had told me last
year, that in ONE YEAR these windows
would pay for
themselves!

Helllooooo? It's been a
year! I told him.

There was only
silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung
up.

He never called back. I bet he
felt like an idiot.

Im counting my blessings that we have someone like Neon here, and others as well that make us laugh instead of cry. Love you Neon!

Neon you are so funny you made my day-my blessing is that I almost have the whole lawn moved it takes me about 4 hrs because I have to stop and rest-I am an old lady you know-I am still laughing about your windows if I start laughing outside maybe they will lock me up.

Sometimes though, I feel I am running out of blessings to count.

Hey Neon pretty funny. You do make me laugh I feel like I have no sanity either. Hey Austin where are you "moving" your lawn to? You made me laugh and I bet you didn't even know it.

Hey Naus, I feel the same way can't ya tell??? I even entertained the thought of suicide this week end. The only thing that stopped me was God, I hate my life, I hate my home, I hate my family, what there is of it. I have worked all my life to be a good mother, daughter, wife, to no avail, I don't matter one iota to those people I am just a person to take care of them so they don't have to think or do anything for themselves, If I say something it gets thrown back in my lap. I am the bad guy all the time, nothing I try works with my husband and I gave up on a relationship with my mother a long time ago. Yesterday Imade myself something to eat not the usual for everyone I hope she felt as hurt as she makes me feel it only took 60 years to try it her way. How does one get to go thru life never having to do anything, never having to apologize, never having to be accountable for any thing but think they are a saint well I guess if you never do anything you can't make mistakes, I do so much and I am so sick of my husband telling me this is wrong and that is wrong I don't even have enough sense to order a mirror for my car as far as he is concerned but guess what it was the right mirror it all boiled down to he doesn't want to put it on so instead of all the little games just say so and also say you want out of this marriage because I really do and I will say it as soon as a few little bills are paid off and my mother dies cuz I sure don't want to take her with me and she's not ready for the nursing home. I wish she was I wish he would find some sweet young thing to drool all over him my drooling days are over when I can't even count on him to spend five minutes with me. You would think that him seeing how stressed I have been and what it is doing to me he could at least be a small comfort and hold me I have to ask for every single hug I think I need and some time to spend with him that never ever happens so now I stop asking, will not complicate by turning to anyone else too old and who the heck wants old used up people I sure don't haven't heard from my son in over two weeks so guess what mommie dearest isn't here anymore. I really need out! I kid and make jokes its all just a big wall to hide behind don't want to show any feelings of anykind anymore especially to family they take advantage of it I suppose when it all comes down to it It is my fault for allowing them to do it but I have no other tools to handle it I am supposed to be Christ like and finding that harder and harder to do every day. I am a small package ready to explode.

Hey Neon, I feel really bad for you I wish I could help you. It's sad what your going through now I'm really sorry. If I could be there I would everyone needs help now and then anyone out there what can we do for neon she needs our help!!!

THANKS Micheleangel, but I don't think there is anything anyone can do I've allowed it too long. I was just getting my feelings out you guys are the only ones who seem to listen or are interested. I will just stuff it down like I always have and it will just sit there until it is all gone. My whole life has been a turmoil with parents than husband, than losing a kid, and more of parents and husband so I don't expect it to change anytime soon. I am dug in too deep I always think about the history but I think sometimes we just have to forget the history and get to a place where we can make some changes, my life is over now and i will never get the real thing I want on this earth is for someone to find me in the flesh acceptable and love me I don't mean all gushy love I mean show me in small ways that I do matter not just sit like a lump and wait for the next meal or take for granted everything will be taken care of. I will get there it is just going to take me some time but I will get there. Thanks for your caring Its the everyday life that is so lonely and frustrating because I am not able to do for myself what I seem to be able to do for everyone else, that is the way I was raised, no excuses I'm old enough to know better, but me being me hate confrontation and hurting other peoples feelings although they don't have a bit of problem hurting mine so I just need to figure out a way not to have any feelings with these people. Get my act together and go away. Make myself happy and let them figure out what happened. I am not giving any clues at this stage of the game. Certainly they should be as tuned in to themselves and I am to me. Have a great day! :-)

NEON I wrote you a note but it got lost somehow-you are always there for us I so wish I could give you the comfort you need and I hope God will answer your prayers and make things easier for you it is not fair what you are going through and that no one at your home considers you they are all wrong and selfish to boot-you know I love you like a sister so think of me like I am a family member and you have someone on your side at all times-talk to me at any time I will leave the computer on and check to see if you post girlfriend

Thank you austin I know you have a lot on your plate, the only thing I can do right now is keep on keeping on until I change some things than I can go. Its just a matter of time now. I now have a plan. and my oh my won't he be surprised. He hasn't a clue and its not because he hasn't been told this has been going on for the last 26 years that was the first time it hit the fan but this time I am finished talking it does no good unless the other person wants to participate so I will just make my plans, clean up stuff and clean out things that no longer matter put things in envelopes that should matter to leave behind and go on my merry little way. It is better to be alone when your alone than to be alone with people in the house. I appreciate your love and thank you for considering me like a sister. I have a sister but she doesn't really want to hear it either, she has her own life to live I have a brother he really doesn't want to know he hasn't returned a call since May 21st 2007 or a card or a email So now it is time to consider me yes I am going to finally learn how to be selfish, I am going to stop finding work to do for free as that only makes me feel more used. I work enough, people are going to handle things themselves, my boss and people at church tell me I am to valuable but that is not the same as the ones who are suppose to value you. I hope this makes sense or maybe I should just admit myself to the closest looney bin I really don't know anymore. But this I do know I am sick of it. and so so so tired.

((((((Neon)))))) When I read this I wanted to sit right next to you and cry with you. God is a God of restoration despite what anyone else really wants to believe.

I have no children so I cannot relate in that loss, but let me tell you briefly about me and I know in the depths of my being, as long as we keep pursuing and seeking, He will restore double for our trouble. Question is the hanging on part.

I was adopted (basic feelings of rejection my whole life). I was adopted by a narcissistic woman who led me to feel I couldn't be myself. I married a man completely opposite my faith. I married a verbal abuser (oh the stories we could share), I met my birth mother and learned some hard lessons there. I went into severe debt because of my unhappiness. I gained over 100 lbs due to being so unhappy. I had a nervous breakdown 10 years ago. That is when God started teaching me boundaries. Years ago I tried or catered the thoughts of suicide. I ran away from home (while married) into another bad scenario.

Since my dad's stroke 5 years ago, I compound the problem with instantly becoming a caregiver, provider, legal counsel, financial wiz (remember used to be in debt). In the last two months I lost my aunt and my MIL (both I was close too). I am dealing now with stepping up the boundaries a bit for my own sanity. Finally went to a counselor (yes, Christian counselor) to find my inner peace at any cost.

I am emotionally spent. Like you I am tired. When I look back at each of the instances I told you about, I can see God's hand in everything. I don't know how I survived without Him. Emotionally.... there are things even now that are challenging. Teaching my husband boundaries for one. God has equipped me with a great counselor that gives me the tools to be Godly about it while maintaining my own sanity.

I try to grieve the loss of my MIL and my aunt and I have nowhere to even cry. My husband can't stand seeing me upset and that starts a whole other issue. My schedule is packed to the guild because of just life. My time with God is becoming extremely challenging, but the determination to NEVER GIVE UP.... that's the thing mom taught me best.... stubbornness.

I have a job where people are probably the most miserable I have ever seen (I have an employment record two miles long). I don't talk to a soul because every word I speak is used against me.

Do NOT be afraid to take care of you. People are going to get pissy about your decision to take care of you, but so what!! They've had their way. You have a chance to allow God to give you double for your trouble, but you also have to do your part to take care of you. God does not want to see His children suffer. But when we allow people to walk all over us, He cannot shine.

Being a Godly-gal isn't for wimps, and you have sure proven you are not one. Neon... we all just love you to the hilt!! Love and care comes in the strangest of places. Take it from one who has lost a lot.

Thanks Mitzi, I can relate to the feeling of abandonment your whole life, you can have birth parents who raise you that doesn't mean they are there for you some like mine just have kids to use for their own selfish reasons, mine is still doing that its all about her comfort i just rushed home to let my dogs out even that is too much for her to do it would interrupt her soap operas I just put a 25 ft cord on her phone so she can lay in bed like the queen of something and talk on the phone and she said oh now I can be comfortable, give me a break lady, I thank you for your words of encouragement and your sharing I do understand what you are going thru I wonder how many of us are out here? Yes I am not a wimp but a know a lot of them. I guess I need to understand that I will take whatever love I get from wherever I get it and be satisfied, I know my God loves me, I know he has tempered me, I know this cannot last for much longer it can't possibly I have to have some refuge I don't turn everything over to God yet, seems hard to do when you have always been the one taking care of everyone. I am working on that I guess when HE gets done with me I will be the strongest of strong sometimes I get so tired of being the strong one but I think that is a different kind of strong as I am writing this.

Some days I feel just like Job more days than not. Not that I am as righteous as Job but I sure can identify with him.

Again thank all of you for your love and well wishes, you really don't know what it means to me I hope for all of you things take a turn for the best so that you can be who you are, thats the hardest thing not being able to be who I am and who God wants me to be, the evil one is lurking ready to devour me like a lion and I refuse to allow that. I need to find myself and I know God can help me as well as all of you.

Neon- I am so lucky to have a sister she is7 yrs younger WW2 got in the way and we were not close until we were adults and once a week she calls or I call her and she listens to my tale of woe. It is better to be alone then with someone who does not treat you well I was going to get a legal separartion last year but my pastor talked me out of it I should have and would not be losing everything to medicade now you need to do what is in your heart I know others here would not agree but Dr. Phil has said you can not leave a marriage unless you have turned over every rock or something like that I have I got him diag. for bi-polar went to couples counseling took him to a therapist and we both met with her when she wanted to and went to a therapist myself and met with our Pastor and talked to the husband till I was blue in the face and if one more person tells me it is his disease which he denies I may punch them out and have asked God for guidence-so I think I have the right to do what I need to do oh and I fight his battles like calling the ombudsmen for the problems at the nursing home and when they told me to call the Board of health in my state I did and I called medicare about having to pay the bed hold when it was their fault he went to the hospital 3 times so I still fight his battles and he treats me like s---. So my friend you do what you need to do to save yourself-but please keep in touch little sister.