Cooking dinner for Mom!


So we had a tiny discussion, oh about 1 minute on cooking and I always cook for my mom, and deliver it to her too, and I said, "Hey I cook good Mom, huh?" and to that she replied, "Well not really, not all the time", and when I was making dinner tonight, a quickie because I'm freakin' tired, she scoffed at it and said, "that will do". I'm pretty freakin' mad right now, so of course I remained very nice and walked away with a cute joke, and now I'm seething by myself in my office and want to know what others think before I say something not so nice!

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I am vert fortunate in that I can think of only once that what I served for dinner went over like a lead balloon. It was salmon with a maple sauce. Thought I would get ambitious and surprise her. Won't do that again. If I'm tired and don't feel like cooking, the old staple of grilled cheese and tomato soup always pleases her. Winter is pretty easy, I'll make a big pot of chili or some sort of soup, freeze the leftovers and voila easy, low stress, low work supper.

Vent here, shake it off. I am sure your cooking is great, downright awesome on some days. Most important for mom it is consistent, reliable and delivered with love if also with an occasional side of frustration.

I know, growing up, I did not appreciate my grandmas cooking every day.....I just knew better than to mention that to her.

I just suggest you take a deep breath before you deliver the next meal and like Jeannie mentioned look for your validation from people more able to supply it.

Best Regards,


Frustrated - I agree with Jeanne.

Also consider that she is just plain unhappy. She doesn't appreciate much about her own life. If I were that unhappy, I might not feel like saying thank you no matter how hard the other person was trying. In other words, try not to take it personally.

For your own sanity, try to stop expecting her to be grateful. Maybe try to get her to contradict her. You say that the food isn't very good tonight. She will reply, "It's not that bad." At least it will be a change. You could keep a chart of the negative things she says, and joke with her about it. It might remove the sting of rejection you feel.

My daughter and I lovingly mock my husband because his most enthusiastic praise is, "It's all right." Having her on my side is a great support. Without it, DH would have a cluster of lumps on his head from my frying pan!

After you are calm enough, you could try letting her know how you feel. "Mom, I do my best to serve you good food. It hurts my feelings when you are critical of my cooking or my choices." Maybe knowing that would change her ... or maybe not. But at least you will have given her a chance. She may dismiss it. She may be defensive. But she MAY at least know your true reaction.

Walking away with a joke doesn't give her a sense of the consequences of her words, but it still may be the best reaction AFTER you have told her at least once that it hurts you. Laughing is best if it can be genuine. You might as well laugh, because taking everything she says seriously is just too sad.

Does she have dementia? One of the characteristics is reduced inhibitions. To a certain extent this happens as we age but it is exaggerated in dementia. They say what they think, without running it through any filters first. If the roles were reversed, you'd probably say "Yup, Mom, you cook good!" even though hardly anybody cooks well every single meal. But it sounds like Mom just blurted out the first thing that came to mind, without consideration of your feelings. She may not have as much control over that as she would wish.

I hope you get to spend some time with people who are nice to you, and who have normal social filters in place. It is worth talking to your mom about how her comments make you feel, but she may be past a point where you can count on her for positive reinforcement.

This issue just pushes all my buttons. There are so many struggles around food and eating in my house; it might be the one thing that finally sends me over the edge. I have no suggestions for you, but I have felt both frustration and resentment due to lack of appreciation.

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