Constipation......my caregiving nightmare.

Follow
Share

Another weekly battle that I face is my mothers constant constipation. It's a weekly nightmare that I loathe, but have to accept. The latest episode (yesterday) goes as follows. I gave mother a heft glass of warm prune juice and two woman's laxative pills. Now, if these don't work immediately, then my mother gets frantic. She had no bowel movement overnight (she claims she had a sleepless night due to the constipation).......now today she got out of bed very early and wanted to go to the hospital. I always refuse to take her because the prune juice usually works, but this time I submitted and took her. I told the lady at the ER that she is severely constipated. While waiting in the lobby to be seen, mother wanted to go to the restroom......she had her bowel movement. She then wanted to leave (which we did). I told the admitting lady that she had a bowel movement and we were leaving. I also told her that this is a weekly thing with her and that it's just part of the hell that a caregiver goes through. This morning before we left home for the hospital......my mother insisted that we go. She said if we don't go.....then she'll just sit there and die from the constipation. This is just a tid bit of the hell that I go through each day. I challenge any caregiver to "beat" what I go through in dealing with a VERY headstrong and controlling mother. I told her, "you're 88 now......give up on the control". My life.....is dedicated (not by choice) to being a 24/7 slave. It's getting to be very sickening because it's the same thing day in and day out. I'm not in a "normal" caregiver situation......I have to deal with a extremely moody, cranky and quite frankly.......a very mean person at times. Cussing and four letter words are quite common. Mother lets me have it with both barrels....so to speak. I really think that perhaps GOD makes us caregivers suffer, so that when our parents die......then we don't feel so bad. It's almost like a relief when they pass on and we are absolved of this hell called caregiving. The curse continues.....

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
34

Comments

Show:
1 2 3 4
I thought we had it under control but her sleep is so out of whack that I know she loses days and times. We have a schedule of her medications and yes it was my fault that I didn't think to put the stool softeners in a cabinet far far away. Which is now so. Thank you for your help and advice on this
(0)
Report

All old people are constipated, either from meds, lack of activity, lack of fiber and lack of water. Plus, my mom would tell me she had not had a bowel movement (dementia) when I knew that she had. I do not allow mom to take her own meds. I put them in a small cup for her to take. I don't wait for her to get constipated (we would have to call a plumber because she will stop up the toilet when she finally goes). Every day, I give my mom a stool softener and half a dose of Miralax. Most of the time, this keeps her regular so we don't have "poop" episodes where we have poop everywhere. Plus, if they truly are constipated, obviously they won't die from it, but constipation is uncomfortable for all of us.
(0)
Report

Jamie yes they like us to keep on topic so if you want a good rant post it on the "caregivers and disfuntional families"
(0)
Report

I currently live with my ex mom and dad in law. These ppl have been in my life for 32 years . One day I was driving to a nearby town and she called me and ask me for help, she just couldn't do it anymore. So after a long talk with my hubby I uprooted myself and moved in with them. It's only been a few months. I have never in my life talked about Poo soo much! This morning ( not the first time). I woke up and she said she was scared because she hasn't taken a poo in 4 days. She has dementia. She also informed me that she took 3 stool softeners in a 6 hour time spance.! I told her that you have to give them time! But she watches so much TV that it has convinced her that she is going to die unless she poops. I'm sure you are well aware that this is only one topic that I am talking about. Ahhh. .so much more but you said to keep on the subject. I also give her probiotics daily.
(1)
Report

This won't sound nice, but so what if mother won't allow help. She's in no position to dictate. Roscoe - time to man up and make some bold brave decisions. Mom won't like it. There will be fits and drama. Just steel yourself for the storm, and ride it out. Good decision making needs to rule. For her well being and yours. Eventually she will adjust. It might take several weeks or months, but she will adjust and captiulate.
(0)
Report

Captain, captain, captain...*sigh* demonstrating that loving compassion thing again?

This is a safe place for anyone to come vent without judgement. We aren't there and we can't know. My experience isn't yours and yours isn't mine.

Roscoe888 sounds like someone at the end of their rope who needs help. If you haven't lived with a Borderline/Narcissist, then you don't know how traumatic it is. The children who grow up with these parents frequently have PTSD. Making somebody with PTSD care for the person who is hurting them is just cruel.

If these behaviors are new, I would have her examined for dementia ASAP. Being mean is not normal aging behavior.

Nobody gets training on how to be a caregiver. Some of us are not patient people to start with and being under non-stop stress only makes it that much more difficult.

Roscoe - you DO need a break. Find a local care break facility. They are usually named Respite care. Your area agency on aging can help you find one. Professional caregivers don't do this 24/7/365, and neither can you. It will break you. Find out what kind of in-home services you can get through her benefits so it's not you 100% of the time.

Leaving yourself as a human being behind is a really bad idea. It will not help your mom have a good transition or a good death. You have GOT to get some help with your mom and some help for yourself, to heal from what has happened to you so far in this situation.
(0)
Report

Wondered where you had got to Roscoe. For those who do not know this gentleman. He states himself to be a millionaire who is devoting himself to being the sole caregiver for his nasty, narsissistic, controling constipated mother. He can afford help but mother won't allow it.
(2)
Report

My mil gets constipated also. The last time it got stuck In her butt hole. Finally I went and bought glycerin suppositories. Not fun sticking up her but. Although it works for her. I think it's caused by being bed ridden and wheelchair bound. No movement to start a movement
(1)
Report

Let me just note, as someone who has chronic constipation, IBS-C, something that may help explain what the folks with constipation are complaining about.

Yes, some people are fine having a stool every 2-3 days. Some are not, and will be in pain if they don't have a stool every day. I noticed above that a caregiver did not understand why his Mom was complaining about no stool when she'd had one a couple of days or a day before. It's because she is in pain, people. If I don't have a stool every day, I get bloated, nauseous, and have cramps. It's miserable.

So I encourage anyone who is taking care of someone with this, to try and get them some help, for both your sakes. I know it is hard. I'm just about to start year two with this mess and have tried everything under the sun. The only thing that works for me is Dulcolax, but that is not supposed to be used often. Miralax, stool softener, high fiber foods, exercise, nothing like that does much.
(0)
Report

Oh no Maria! I've done long stints waiting for mom to poop, butt (Ha!) that takes the cake. I feel for you and MIL. She's gonna have permanent red marks from sitting that long.

My mom vomits and passes out if she hasn't gone for four days. It causes her a great deal of pain. Numerous enemas and finally digital removal of the fecal impaction in the ER was the result of her last bouts. Her regular physician said she is took weak for a colonoscopy, even a virtual one and if they found cancer she is not a candidate for treatment. So, we'll just keep riding this train to the final station.

Activia yogurt is something you might consider adding to her diet. It seems to help my mom. Just throwing that out there.

It's so hard on them and hard on us caregivers. Your story is one of the worst I've heard. Hope you're able to get some sleep tonight. YOU deserve it and then some!
(1)
Report

1 2 3 4
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Related
Questions