Wow. I do not know to do and totally helpless in my situation. I own two companies and have a family and can pretty well research, reason, and make effective decisions with the ability to maneuver if the decision I made was not correct.


My mother and father adopted me at birth. My father and mother divorced when I was 12 and my mother remarried when I was 15.

My mother moved us from our community and transplanted us into a large city.

She went to work and suddenly about a year later she shows up with this guy and got married to him 4 weeks later.

I just kept doing my own thing and he was verbally abusive to my sister who became bad off.

Well at the time I always thought she was weak and needed to just grow up. I WAS YOUNG I DO NOT THINK THIS AT ALL ANYMORE I truly understand how this can affect someone.

Well my step father is one of these people who is a CFO and like to put the carrot out there for someone and then he squashes them as soon as the person goes forward and has a couple of failures.

My mother had been running her own business and ignoring him until about 4 years ago. My stepfather retired and basically started just putting my mother under a great deal of stress. Her health started to decline rapidly.

Well about a year ago. He decided to move my mother and my sister she has developed a control mechanism on her to a community about 4 hours away from where my mothers business was.

She was making about 80K a year and was fine health wise and he manipulated her into giving up the biz.

Over the last year these are the weird events that occurred.

12 months he decides to move them.
He tried to get my wife and I to move there by telling my wife all kinds of things about me, which caused major strain on our marriage

11 months ago my step dad's son shows up who has not been around for 8 years
BTW my stepfather has no contact with his children

10 months ago at Christmas his son was there and the two of them were very insulting to my family and me. My family left the situation.

9 months ago I went and had a discussion with him and my mother. My mother's health was declining and I expressed my concerns that she was under a great deal of stress not because of work but because of my stepfather, my sister nearly mentally ill, having to rebuild her biz.

He told me I was crazy. My mother listened.

8 months ago.
She goes back into the hospital and has a bad experience about her care and he calls me and I told him that I thought that they should seek a 2nd opinion and he once again said I was crazy.

7 months ago
He asked me to help them move. I show up and no trucks and no plans. I ask if I could help and he said wait around and maybe. Well I could not because I had to coach a basketball game.

6 months ago
My mother calls me and asks why I have not been helping because her friends were asking why I was not being a helpful son. I said my step dad had said that it was all taken care of. Well she started telling me how bad of son I was and how I better get over there to help.

I did not go because I did not want to get interrogated by her and look like an idiot to her friends.

Then she calls me and asks me why I didn't come and I told her why and she got so made she was admitted back into the hospital.

Well then she wanted my children to come down and see her. I said I was reluctant to because we were working on behavioral issues with my children and did not want to speak with their cousin who can teach them other things.

Well I decided to send them down because they had influenced my wife and thought lets let my wife see how they are.

Well the next thing that happened is of course they were learning every bad word in the book my step father starts telling sons how I was adopted and about sex.

I then decided to step out of the picture because I knew my mother and step father had set some things up wrong from being executor or anything to do with the estate.

My reasoning for this was that I would end up having to pay for all of this stuff anyways and didn't want to get into the mix of drama with family members.

Well 4 months ago I wrote a letter to my sister, stepbrother, my mother, and stepfather explaining to them what my position was and why I was stepping out of the position.

Well my stepfather called me cussing.
Another story

Fast-forward 3 months.
Last week my mother goes back into the hospital. I am starting to get calls from her friends and sister about how she is screaming where am I. Well I do not know what to do. If I see my mother she gets more upset. I am then being told by her best friend how my step father is controlling her and how my mother must go on a sabbatical for a month or two and away from my sister and my step father because she is around this mess and she has not gotten better.

I feel extremely helpless because my mother is trapped in an environment of manipulated people dying and I do not know what to do to help!

Any advice would be appreciated. Everyone has told me to walk away.

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
Ok Here is what you do. Love your Mom. See here every time you have a chance. Be with her , share your time and love. Do not pay attention to what others are saying . Just be there every chance you get. If you do not have time >> MAKE TIME!!!
My Mom passed away a couple months ago . And I’m here to tell you

That is a lot of drama. What do YOU want to do, rkydad? Do you wish to walk away? You may want to ask yourself to what extent you have enabled some of your Mom's reactions. Have you considered individual therapy with a counselor? If you ever do, print your post and take it with you as a point of discusssion with the therapist. If you don't follow your heart and do whatever comes naturally one day at a time. You can't worry about what everyone else thinks of you. That will drive you out of your mind with self doubt and a lack of confidence.

What a difficult position you are in. I can't tell you what to do, but will offer my own experience.When my mother was ill , my oldest sister decided she was the primary caregiver. I helped when I could and when Sister Dearest would let me. I was talked about constantly, but like you,found all the drama too much. I understand my mom wasn't healthy enough to make decisions about her care and my dad could care less as long as he was not inconvenienced. so the moral to my story is I did the best I could under the circumstances, realizing no matter what I did or didn't do, they needed a *bad guy/girl* and they picked me.I followed my heart and principals and ended up with no regrets in the end. I can not make anyone else do anything and the same applies for them. If I could and I wanted to,I did.people will say and do all sorts of things and when it comes down to it, you have to live with whatever decisions you make. You may contact Eldercare in your vicinity, and at least let an outsider make an assesment of the situation. The same agencies that protect children, protect seniors. Do what your heart and integrity tell you to do. Keep posting on this sight, there are many wonderful people here and many have other suggestion.I pray for the best outcome for you and your mother.

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter